Forever Flawed

This is my entry for the bullying competition.
The trailer is not mine but one I found on Youtube, no copyright intended. The story opened my eyes which is why I wanted to show it to you, so you can have a look at one story that changed someone's life all because of bullying and hear of an innocent life taken as a result.
P.S Sorry if it strays from the point a bit, but I just wanted to show more behind the bullying in the coming chapters.
"You think you want to die, but in reality you just want to be saved"


3. Forever Flawed

The door groaned as it swung stubbornly on its rusty hinges, golden with age. With extreme caution, my right foot was balanced securely on the first step of the staircase, testing the ancient boards for creakiness. When we moved to England eight years ago, at the start I had had doubts about the safety measures of the house. My parents had just simply ignored my views and it seemed that mostly the reason why we left Africa was because I was unwilling to depart my home country.

Gradually I made progress and darted swiftly into my cupboard of a room before whirring up the computer. It seemed as old as the apricot tree by the church, but it made no signs of waking up from its slumber. Fortunately, over the years I had devised a cure if this ever occurred.

Plan A: Irritably bang the monitor with you left hand while clicking persistently on the mouse.

Plan B: Drum your fingers upon the desk and force yourself to be patient.


Finally it was roused (after Plan B was put into action) and following the web address on the piece of paper, I grimly awaited the outcome of my searching. I knew the outcome of this search would not be promising or pleasant But the nagging voice belonging to curiosity was droning unceasingly in my brain. For some reason I felt obliged to view whatever my scheming torturers had concocted this time.




Hit me right in the face. A blaze of racist comments and unhinged remarks clouded my vision; leaving a cloud of colour as my eyes unfocused, mortified. Someone had even installed a computer game where you hunted me down and if you caught the “vampire” gold and glittering treasures surrounded you. However, the predominant blow was the visitor counter. To be honest I didn’t even think that number existed.


Visitor Counter:


How much free time do people have to bully others?


Zombie-like, I trudged despairingly to the bathroom after pathetically shutting down the computer. With wary eyes I scrutinised my face, finding every flaw.

My usually dull red eyes were striking, brought to be more prominent by the bruise like shadows underneath. My porcelain skin was sweaty and ghost white, marked by jagged scars slashed repeatedly yet randomly across my flesh. It was true. I had begun to inflict self harm and cut, when the anguish became too much for my mind to cope. If I couldn’t handle it mentally, I thought I could handle it physically. I wasn’t going to delude myself anymore, I was a freak of nature who should not exist – a mistake discarded and unwanted.

Subconsciously I reached for the knife, its icy hilt so gelid it was as if it stuck to my skin. Without even thinking, or questioning my motives it plunged in-between my ribs, narrowly missing my heart by a centre metre. Black dots gradually appeared in my sight, as if I had stared intently at a light bulb for a long period of time and had just blinked. Blood was seeping into the cracks of the marble tiles, staining them red. Red. It seemed as if it was the only colour in the world at that moment, associated with pain and blood…blood. Succumbing to the darkness was the easiest and most effortless action I have ever had to take and I accepted the pain relief gratefully.


“When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free.” If that wasn’t true I don’t know what is. Chris Evan Hughes had it correct word for word; I wasn’t permitted to be different so I wasn’t allowed to be free. But now I am free to be what I want, without anyone telling me otherwise.


1 Week Later….

The atmosphere was melancholy. A pin being dropped would have been audible in this respectful and sympathetic cloud of peace. It had been a week since Milana had committed suicide yet no-one desired to consider it. Although it wasn’t admitted, everyone was desperately hoping that Milana would appear behind her favourite apple tree next to her newly dug resting place, and question the grave situation.

For some reason not one tear was shed, except by Jake O’Malley, Milana’s mother and Daisy Blue who was one of her fellow pupils.

With a vivid rose clenched firmly in her fist, Daisy made her way to the podium with heavy feet and an even heavier heart. It was five minutes before she could bare to make her speech and even then there were plenty of throat-clearing coughs in between as the tears threatened to well up again, and fall down her salt stained cheeks.


“This world is corrupt. We have the potential to make this world what we want it to be, but many have exploited this liberty and are responsible for the sinister place that this warped world has been morphed into, we are proof of this calamity. Calling someone fat doesn’t make you skinnier. Saying someone’s stupid doesn’t make you any smarter and making someone so depressed that the only relief they get is from the endless darkness of death, doesn’t make you any stronger – just coldhearted. Teasing or jeering doesn’t make you a better person, but for some reason we do it anyway. Despite the boundaries we seem determined to test the limitations that law allows and once you start there is no going back. Bullies are insecure, and making someone else have doubts about their own appearance, cleverness or right to live doesn’t make you perfect, it makes you forever flawed. Milana was an amazing person, and I am sorry I didn’t have a chance to get to know her better”


As she uttered the last words of Milana’s goodbye, a high pitched cry escaped her lips. Despite her position the rose fell from her grasp onto Milana’s coffin with decided accuracy.

By now everyone was aware of Jake’s history and his tendency to prefer racist bullying due to his own cruel past of being the target of bullying himself. Listening to Daisy’s speech opened his eyes on to the monster he had become. But Jake O’Malley despite his regrets, grievances and being able to relate and agree with every word she whispered, he would be forever flawed.

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