Full of Emptiness

This is my story. Full of emptiness is about my fight growing up after childhood abuse. Without telling a soul I have fought the emptiness and this is a story of my thoughts throughout my life.

Events like this leave you closed with a lot of noise in your head, and an infinite amount of questions. This is my attempt and determination 20 years on, not to let it ruin my life.

Reality is often gruesome, and my story is covered in detail. Please be advised.


6. Cry

Why, twenty years on do I still have this dark passenger I keep blaming things on? 

Why don't I just carry on with my life and try to believe that what I am is what I am and nothing has to do with Tom. Well, I can't. 

Believe me there's not a thing I want more in life. To wake up and not have a weight on my shoulders, or a darker,  inhuman side of me that's constantly pushing me to be anti-social. 

Sometimes the weight it too much to carry, and I cry.  I cry like a baby, a deep emotion from within rises like a gas ignited flame and I erupt in tears. This way of crying is a lot different then you would cry for other reasons, like a funeral of a loved one.  

I can't stop crying until physically I get drained  and feel a weakness taking over and I can't cry anymore. 

Maybe it's the tears of a five year old?

I've learnt to overcome the dark passenger most of the time, but I just don't have the energy to fight him sometimes and give in. 

Maybe Tom had a dark passenger? Maybe he still has it, like me? Does having a dark passenger justify doing bad things? 

I remember growing up, the one answer I wanted in life was why he did what he did and why me? 

Many years later I would get some sort of explanation as to why he abused me. 
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