Full of Emptiness

This is my story. Full of emptiness is about my fight growing up after childhood abuse. Without telling a soul I have fought the emptiness and this is a story of my thoughts throughout my life.

Events like this leave you closed with a lot of noise in your head, and an infinite amount of questions. This is my attempt and determination 20 years on, not to let it ruin my life.

Reality is often gruesome, and my story is covered in detail. Please be advised.

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1. Innocence

I don't remember the first time I was called, but I remember the many times after that. There seem to be many horrid memories but thinking back, at the time I didn't understand or question what was going on.

How could I? Why would I? I was about 5 or 6 and this was a person who my parents trusted so I had no doubts in my mind. Although at that age I don't think the concept of trust had been developed in me.

Name it whatever, I knew I didnt like what I was being 'asked' to do but I was an obedient child and followed instructions. Why me? Often sprang up in my head and thoughts of how next time I wouldn't come helped me tune out the physical abuse that was occurring.

The next time would however soon come, but hope was what helped me through. Over time a routine developed and it would become more regular and detailed.

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