Emo love story- Smile

Titel says it all

17Likes
7Comments
3183Views
AA

3. BAD football!!

I have and always will hate myself. I have never done anything to make me 'fit in' i don't want to! Who wants to be a prissy flirting back and forth and cheating every dumb idiot?! Obvoiusly everyone but me!

Every since the first day in kindergarden. I always klung to myself. After my moms divorce i learned that love and friends are a gamble not worth betting. I understood clear enough and decided not to end up like her: depending on others, lost in all her own failure and sadness. So i never took the initiative to make friends. She bought me and i-pod and a diary later on and they became my best friends. This diary i have taken some pages out and you are getting it dear reader.

Well up until a few weeks ago my everyday has pretty much been the same since kindergarden. I sit at the back of class. Concentrate on my school work. In the breaks i walk to a special tree located in the back of the school where nobody goes. I climb up and listen to music, write in my diary or think. 

On sad day in gym we all had to play football. I don't wear make-up or silly frilly clothes that take long to undress so i was first out on the field together with Frede. Usually i would never notice him and just sit on the grass and wish i wasen't there. But this time Frede came over to me and asked if i wanted to help him practice before the others came. Against all my logic i said yes. 

I stood goal and he shot. He got it in all the times but kept assuring me i wasen't bad. Oddly enough, i remember laughing with him. He shot the ball and hit me right in the stomach. I huffed and fell to my knees and the air was knocked out of me.

He came rushing and helped me up. I remember his arms wher strong and warm against me, and it felt good in his arms. Of course i blushed and started yelling at myself to get up and walk away. At some point in that little 'cuddle' i did. I ran in took my stuff and left. Not even thinking of the trouble the next day.

Mom was not home and i had completely nobody to come to. The fear of having broken my perfect image and life. The way his arms felt around me. I even knew it was coming i could feel it creeping in like death! But i ignored it and just walked into my room and cried. I CRIED like a little girl, and i hated myself more for that. I smashed the wall and put a poster over to hide it. 

 

Dear reader you haft to understand something about me: I  want to live in peace! You may think i'm overeacting but when you finish this book you will understand my actions better.

 

 But i guess thats the one problem of being self supporting. Sometimes it's just too much to bear.

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...