Phantasmagorical

This is for the Diary competition and if I place, I may look into getting it published. It's about a girl who loses everything so fast it all seems like a dream. One big nightmare. Sarah has a private diary which her sister finds and reads to her friends. Sarah loses her friends, her sister and her education. The bullying gets so bad, she leaves school and runs from home and ends up hanging with a very uncouth crowd.

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4. She fell.

June 23:

I've been staying at Dad's these past few days. I'm never going  back now. I put slime on Jasmin's socks as a prank and she fell. She slipped on the stairs and broke her neck. Even after all this she still hasn't given in. She sends me nasty texts and I'm still getting bullied by her mystery accomplice.

Recently I've been hanging out with some new friends. They're awesome. Yeah they smoke a little and always have bottles hanging around but I feel accepted there. They're miserable like me. Misfits. Sometimes I'll just skip school and sneak off to the bridge. I'm not stupid enough to do drugs but I have the odd drink or two. I like the taste of alcohol, I can't help it. They ask me to bring stuff from home which I do because I may not be popular but they're the only people who understand what I'm going through.

I hate my teachers. They keep saying how disappointed they are in mme. They say I'm rude and talk back and need to calm down. I don't understand. I'm the same person I was ten days ago, I'm just really angry that no one's listening. My phsyciatrist says she knows what I'm going through but she really doesn't. It's all talk and I just want to slap her but I restrain myself. I think I'm becoming like her. Like Jasmin. The rebel with a cause. For English we had to write a poem describing what we feel and who we are. This was mine:

Everyone always goes on about my grades

“Look how well you’re doing”

They would say

“How many merits did you get today?”

And I just want to scream because they push me to the edge

And believe me I’ll jump

I’m that messed up

I’m not the perfect daughter

Or the perfect student

I may be pretty close

But that’s not me

I’ve got things I strongly believe in

But no one’s listening

I don’t want good grades if it’s going to give people the wrong impression

In my head I daydream of who I want to be

A rebel who talks back

That could be me

Someone who people respect

Not because of what they’ve done

But who they are

Someone who doesn’t get brilliant grades

Just a normal human being

Who sticks to their beliefs

“No Mr Science teacher. I don’t believe in evolution or the big bang. Is that ok with you?”

They’ll try to persuade me otherwise and I’ll cave in. I won’t say I believe. But I won’t say I don’t

But the rebel inside me sticks to her guns

She stands up on the table and shouts

“I don’t believe. Never have, never will.”

And she walks out leaving the classroom in silence

In real life, I am the silence

My opinions don’t matter so they tell me to be quiet

The rebel in my head would throw it back in their face

Tell them her opinion though they don’t want to hear it

Even cause a riot.

She comes to me in dreams and shouts

Hoping it will drive her out

What’s the point of being there when there’s no one to listen, no one to care?

Teenagers these days are given stereotypes

Lazy layabouts who don’t get off their backside

They don’t work, just watch TV

They are all like hippies who want to be free

Some of that’s right but they don’t know the rest

When people sit and listen to us

That’s when we’re at our best

But I’m the ‘Good grades girl’

The one with ‘no flaws’

When I want to be the girl inside

The rebel with a cause.

©

 

 

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