You are the decider and the proposer and me the disposer, the doer.
When in 1997 in 6th standard my concerns were - how come I had no friends and how I was detained from the monitor ship of my class; how my very good friend started becoming my competitor's friend and how maths was so tough and so was Mr.Joseph, my maths teacher, who was about to call my mom from the next class where she was teaching to show how poor was her daughter in maths; and a bunch of others clandestine issues a 6th grader can face, a real ''Big world concern'' hit us-our family in the face. And then don't know, didn't even have the slightest idea how whole world was changed.
Those days we had a 'Bajaj Chetak scooter' and four of us mom, dad, bro and me, used to load up on it and go to the school. Dad used to drop us three at school and then he used to go back home, get ready and then go to his office.
Then, suddenly every Friday we started getting late for the school, mom being teacher was allowed to get in-gates and my bro being an lower KG student had classes bit late than the usual middle class and senior time, was too. So every Friday I was the one left out along with some 3-5 other odd students and so I was returned back every Friday with my father and therefore my Fridays were being spent at his office. A feeling of shamefulness, incompetence and failure, for not being able to attend the class and returned back surrounded me at this time and it lasted at least for the whole day.
I used to curse myself, for being late, and Fridays, for twisting my fate and making me late even though it was "matarani" Goddess Durga's day (yup as a kid i was told that each day of the week is assigned as a god's day in hindus as hindus have so many gods and godesses, so Friday is Her day). "How can "matarani" do that to me? Why is "matarani" doing that to me? Friday is not a good day ." Although I was a kid but I had a sense of right and wrong, good and bad and a strong sense of guilt too. And that is why my childhood was very stressful and to add to my troubles i had no real friends.They were just hollow classmates with mean talks.So it was bad. Although I was an above average student, one of the top 5 ones in the class and obedient and talented too and my teachers praised me, except for the one who snatched my monitor-ship. So this arriving-late-to-the-school-and-sent-back-as-punishment thing was eating me up. I asked matarani-" Am I not virtuous enough?? Have I pained someone or did some wrong?? what wrong have I done to deserve this??"
And now after 13 years today when i was retrospecting. the answer popped up.And suddenly I knew why? why i deserved that punishment? I had to have it . And now i wonder and wish why wasn't I punished thus daily?!!If I would have my today would have been , if not better, then at least not as worse as this. We wouldn't have been a broken family today.
Yup my dad was keeping this clandestine affair then, extra-marital one, when he had us two kids and a beautiful devoted wife. Who was so devoted that she left her family for him even when he was unemployed,worked hard for her and his sustenance and his employment, got him employed, and even when he got employed,whatever she earned she deposited in his name. But my unfaithful dad found his object of affection in nobody else but our landlords daughter with a squint, who was nothing but at least ten years younger than my dad. She used to climb up the stairs, and get into our house, and they used to have a gala time,at my mom's back, when we three were in school. Even today when I think of it all it shatters me thinking of my mother ditched thus by my insincere unfaithful philanderer father.
And it was due to my Friday punishment , I used to come back home with him, and he and his squinted muse weren't able to carry on with their lusty, dirty activities.
Although whenever he got chance he didn't miss it and carried on with this farce. And one fine Friday my mom got suspicious, followed him and caught two of them in his office red-handed. Mom loved my father like anything, and when she caught them, she was irrevocably shattered and broken. She held that woman from her hair and pulled her out from his office and slapped her. And then questioned her husband. And soon after that we came home, packed our bags, and went to our grandparents. My father stayed there with us for a few weeks and then one early morning silently climbed the wall and creeped out of my grandparent's house and left us.
Although after staying at my grandparent's place for 6 months under continuous tension, shame and quarrels between my uncles and mom (they were worried that maybe we will stay there forever on their heads and their finance); and due to my mom's patience, perseverance and love for us, we without informing anybody came back to our father's home. He was in a state of shock when he saw us at his doorsteps. He left us so maybe he wasn't expecting us back and he was very happy with his free independent life so..
But since then we are a broken home. Although physically we were living under the same roof but we could never come back to our dad, nor did he try to come back to us, he was some free man, we never could no again.
And now sitting here, after so many years I realize had all days been Fridays, i would have been late to the school and would have come back with my dad every day and my dad wouldn't have got even a single chance to commit this blasphemy and shear treachery and my mom wouldn't have been so ruined and we wouldn't have lost our father and would have escaped many crisis, troubles and torchers.
Sometimes what we want is not the best .. but what we do not want but happens is right for us