Passion (15+)

When the 16 years old girl called Emily, decided to go for a trip to Brighton, UK, with three of her best friends, she didn't imagine running into a guy that would change her life completely.
Their plans had been; Partying, flirting, having one night stands, and just enjoy the life as a teenager, with no parents for the whole summer.
But when she met him at a festival one night, her life turned upside down, and nothing would ever be the same...
She fell head over heels in love with him, but didn't realise how bad it was until it was too late.
That's what happens when you fall in love with 19 years old, Zayn Malik.


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25. A lost cause

Emily's P.O.V:

 

Waking up, feeling worthless. Just like I promised I never would again.

My left wrist was pounding hard, making me wanna pull off my long sleeved shirt, to see how bad it actually was, but I didn't. Afraid that I would wake Zayn up, and that he would see. His eyes were closed. His arms stretched over his head, only wearing some grey boxers. He looked relaxed, and so happy, like nothing ever had worried him, and hearing the sound of his slow and heavy breath, made me smile for a second, but the little smile, on my lips, fast faded again. I silently climbed out of the bed, and tiptoed down the stairs, all the way to the bathroom, where I locked the door after me, and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. I pulled my shirt out my head, and threw it on the floor, then my eyes turned to look at my wrist, and I gasped. Deeper than ever before. I started breathing faster, and not deep. "Fuck..." I muttered, and fast covered the wounds with my right hand. I didn't get the chance to watch the blood away yesterday, so I turned my body, and turned the water on in the bathtub. I watched it, until the bath was half filled with clear and hot water. I put my left arm down in the water, and bit my lip, then it was a lot hotter than I imagined, and the wounds started bleeding again. Never wash wounds, with hot water. I was so dumb, but I liked the way, the water around my wrist turned red. You're mad. I just smiled, and shook my head. Not mad, just fucked up. Hurt. Wearing scars from the hardest times in my life, so far. 

 

Hurting yourself on the outside, to kill the things on the inside. 

 

I ran my fingers up and down my left wrist, feeling the wounds, still under the water. After some minutes, I pulled it up, turned it, and watched it. I knew how stupid I would be, if I let cutting become a part of me again. I would end up getting addicted, once again. Cutting wasn't something I could control, it controlled me. Like an addiction. Or it used to... I hoped never to fall back there again, I fell so deep, so hard, and was in way too long. I pulled my undies off, threw them on my long sleeved shirt, and swung my legs over the bathtub edge, letting them down in the hot water. I bit my lip, when the water hurt my skin. It took me some very long seconds, to get used to the hotness. Then I let the rest of my body, slowly down in the water, until I was lying, with only my head over water. My head was resting against the bathtub 'wall'. I was trying to relax, and it helped a little, lying there in the hot water. 

I have tried. I almost succeeded. I almost accepted myself. I almost felt normal. But still... I was so far from all that. I am a nightmare, a disaster. I'm not a princess, I don't even deserve him. They're all right, I am not good enough for him. That pirate deserves a real princess, a simple bride, not the girl who cuts her wrist, and is fucked up. It is definitely hard to face the truth... But I guess we all will have to, someday, and now... I just realised, how much better he is for me, than I am for him. Until now, all I just know is that... I love him. 

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