Life through closed eyes

This is for the diary competition... I listened to
Good life by OneRepublic (class song) and
James Morrisions latest album whilst writing this... Hope you like it... So yeah... stay tuned :)

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1. Day 1

 

 

First of all let me start by saying; that I have no idea how to get this going. Should I simply say ‘dear diary’? To me this seems like such a childish way to start, and as I am now almost 17, I should start in a more formal sophisticated way. ‘Dear future self’ or ‘dearest confidant.’

Maybe I should just take a leaf out of Anne Franks book, and give it a pet name; perhaps ‘snuggles’ or ‘fluffy’... But then I think: what’s the point in naming it if the only person who is going to read it is me? No one writes a diary intending on other people reading it do they? So really I should just start by saying ‘dear me:’

Yeah that sounds good. So here goes nothing.

 

Dear me:

 

I haven’t quite got used to this whole diary ting yet, and have been staring at the blank pages for around 15 minutes. Jeez, anyone would think i’m trying to write a love letter, or an essay on shakespeare due to how well this is going. And that’s saying something cause Shakespeare, if you ask me, speaks a load of incoherent drivel. I don’t understand why people like telling all their thoughts and deep dark feelings to an unresponsive, inanimate object. I mean what the hell? Oh well it’s keeping mum happy.

 

Anyway, I’ll start with the basics. 

Im an average 16 year-old, no special talents that separate me from everyone else. I’m not a secret millionaire, or a world wide pop-star, or a drop dead gorgeous model. (Ha!) I’m just me. Average.

 

Hair colour: Brown. How boring is that? It’s not even a nice shade of brown, it’s just...well... brown. All the colour and shine has been slowly drained away, due to many years of straightening and curling it.

Eye colour: Brown. Again, just brown. Not sapphire blue, or emerald green or even chocolate brown. Just plain old dull brown.

Breast size: Well lets just say it’s a little below average, and sucks. People would not die for my figure thats for damn sure.

 

My favorite films would have to be:

The notebook (couldn’t beat a good cry when watching that heart-throbbing film!)

Dirty Dancing. Classic. Plus most of my childhood was spent pining over Patric Swayze. I had spent many nights praying that that one day, I would marry him. Shame he’s dead now. Oh well, I found someone else to wish for. He comes in a package of tanned skin, muscle and pure hotness. If you haven’t guessed already, which i’m sure you haven’t as your a diary, I’m talking about Taylor Lautner. Mmmmm. If only you could buy him at the shopping centre. However nowadays that might be considered slightly illegal... Oh well, Taylor Lautner... Mmmmmmmm...

 

Where was I? Oh yeah, favorite films. My other favorite films would probably be: The Exorcism Of Emily Rose. Shit-yourself-scary, but still a quality film.

And Easy A. That was just an all round class film. What was it people were saying these days? Oh yeah, it’s totally G. 

 

Favorite music consists mainly of rock bands, that I feel relate to me and my teenage angst or hormones or whatever. Quite into YouMeAtSix and James Morrison atm. I don’t know really, it always helps me chill out. Like when i’m listening to them scream and sing about their anger, it helps diffuse mine.

 

That’s the thing with music though isn’t it. If you listen to it when your in a good mood, for some reason it makes you feel even happier. But if your in a bad or depressed mood, it can either help or make it worse. Thats what I figure anyway.

 

Hmm... What else...

 

My favorite colour is either turquoise or black I guess. And for all those people who argue that black isn’t a colour, I say bullshit.

 

What else...

 

Oh yeah, and as if i could forget, i have cancer.

 

___________________________________________________________________

 

 

I wish I could say that my cancer story is different, is memorable for people. That like the kids in the books I read, I’m sat in bed writing up a bucket list, or working out a way to help others like me, or to just be remembered. Honestly, I’m to tired and don’t see the point.

 

The way I see it is that as i’m terminal, with only a year roughly to live, the less people who know me the better. That way it will hurt less people when I bite the dust. As John Green put it in ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ (Best book everrr!) I was a grenade, and when I blew up, I wouldn’t just be hurting myself, but everyone around me. So the less people in the firing line the better. 

 

When I was first told I was terminal- no wait, scratch that. When I was first told I had cancer, I kept thinking that there must be a reason. That there had to be some big purpose, or cause for me to die. But, like the creative person I am, I put it down to a crappy gene pool, chance, and a few mutated cells here and there. What can I say? Who knows if there’s a purpose for anything. But am soo not getting into a philosophical debate with myself. Lol. 

 

So again back to the basics:

 

* I was diagnoses with Chronic Leukemia when i was 14.

Leukemia is a cancer that starts in blood-forming tissue such as the bone marrow... I think thats what the doctor had said anyway. Chronic Leukemia is different because usually you cant recognize the symptoms. And slowly the cancer gets worse over time. My health has slowly been deteriorating for 2 years.

 

Man I hate science.

 

Anyway, I think thats pretty much all you need to know about me for now... so... How do end this thing? Grr... They should write a diary guide book or something! I’m just gonna finish by saying bye.

 

So... Yeah... Bye! :) 

 
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