21 and still sober

I am 21 years old, the age where half the day is spent clicking on ‘like’ buttons and clearing internet history. It is a very confusing time of our life, when we feel too old to be hanging out with Pokemon fans, and too young to be with the laughter club gang. The age where non-21-year-old’s think we are care-free with no problem in the world. But, trust me, we have more problems than a 12th grade Mathematics question bank.

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1. 21 and still sober...

I am 21 years old, the age where half the day is spent clicking on ‘like’ buttons and clearing internet history. It is a very confusing time of our life, when we feel too old to be hanging out with Pokemon fans, and too young to be with the laughter club gang. The age where non-21-year-old’s think we are care-free with no problem in the world. But, trust me, we have more problems than a 12th grade Mathematics question bank.

 

 

 

1. College problems:We attend college once in a Haley’s Comet, but we get ourselves into troubles competing with Lindsay Lohan’s shop-lifting issues. The college principals with more degrees than a thermometer, and lab attenders with more balls than a Cosco store, make our lives inspire 3-D horror movies. Ours is a life plagued by low attendance, and internals marks tending to zero. By the time first bench girls who compare mass-bunks to Jewish gas-chambers, motivate us to study, we have to get settled with one night stands with xeroxed text books(and of course the college notes which cannot be deciphered without the aid of a professional chemist). We cheat the exam more strategically than Tiger Woods and Ashton Kutcher combined (thus becoming the best customers of micro-Xerox Industries Pvt. Ltd.) Coming to the main part of college, the chicks on the other side (college) seem to be like Kingfisher Calendar models, while ours look like they just escaped from the La Tomatino festival. Our crushes change more rapidly than ‘Rakhi ka Swayamvar‘ TRP rates. We succumb to the murderous heart-breaks, while the tourniquet of college gossips brings us back alive…

2. Family problems: One of the worst problems faced by a 21 year old is that of the parents influenced by TV channels that discuss the effect of TV on their kids. (Not like we give an Etruscan Pygmy Shrew’s ass abt what they think!) They also believe that we are not old enough to drink Red Bull or to watch the uncut version of The Titanic… Sometimes their stories about 17 year old entrepreneurs do inspire us for a second, but soon taken away by the seduction of text messaging, which our parents think has to be surgically removed from our system. Things reach heights when they start believing that our neighbors’ kid (whose deceptive tactics include stationing a Sunflower refined oil factory on his head, and wearing bulletproof glasses to divert their attention from the pungent smell of ‘Johnny Walker’) is a reincarnation of Angel Gabriel. Their constant mocking and “Look how he studies till 2 o’clock in the night” (while the knowledge of what he does so late is the sole ownership of his laptop and his seems-to-be-malnourished right hand) raps screw up our self esteem. The unresolved pocket-money issues with our parents make us so depressed that we start updating Facebook status even about constipation problems.

 

3. Love Problems: We have spent our whole lives desperate to hear the lines “i love you” and “…and kids, that is how I met you mother”. The age 21 brings us to the well-expected twist ending of that story. The unrealistic chick flicks don’t help either. They instead encourage us to hang ourselves from a table fan without leaving a note… We try to remove all our frustrations by listening to heavy metal songs, while deep inside our favourite song is still a soul-vacuuming ghazal. We go to parties and try picking up chicks, impressing them by dancing like Michael Jackson’s soul sister, but that only ends with a romantic night with our bug-ridden beds and an epiphany that we need an eight-semester course to understand women. We later start taking relationship advice from people, the only hint of love in their life being what lies beneath the hidden folders…

 

4.Life Problems: 21 is the age where we start to ask ourselves heavy existential questions like ‘Why am I here?’ ‘What is the meaning of life?’ and, er, ‘How did Sherlock fake his death?’. We dream about a successful career that is more ambitious than Angelina Jolie’s Somalian kid fantasy. We try to fake happiness by telling ourselves that the only problems we have are unorganised desktops and ignored Facebook friend requests, while the truth is our life is being punched in the balls, stuffed into a cannon and shot at the nearest sewage tank. And then we realize that maybe all these frustrations that leads to over usage of anti dandruff shampoos and climbing down the ladder of jeans pant sizes is just going for a waste after all. Maybe we are not adults yet, we are just kids in control, for whom having an American Pie movie marathon is a major life changing event. Well, I guess it’s time to stop my “20 something is over-rated” crap before I realise “Fuck! I am no longer a 20 something”…

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