Dude: My Sexuality

-entry for the diary competition-

Luke, a teenage boy who's world is currently upside down, is faced with the challenge of accepting who he is. This challenge is made incredibly difficult for him when a bunch on teen lads torment him. Will Luke find the courage to accept who he was born to be?


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4. Because I'm a genius

Dude,    

I figured it out. I found out his biggest secret but I think I’ve always known. He threatened me as usual. He told me not to tell anyone but how could I? We are practically the same now. We both have the same secret...well for me it isn’t much of a secret as everyone suspects it anyway. Even if I wanted to tell the world, to get even with him, I couldn’t. He’d beat the crap out of me. There’s one thing I know for sure, this was the craziest thing I’d ever done. Prepare yourself dude, as I am about to tell the story.

  Ten minutes from the end of gym class, I snuck into the changing room to change and disappear from the hellhole we all know as school. I grabbed my bag from under the bench and wrestled my jeans and shirt from inside it. Making sure no one was around, I stripped out of my gym kit and wrenched on my jeans. As I was buttoning up my shirt, James appeared. 

“Cutting class, are you?” he snickered. He whipped off his gym top and flashed his muscular stomach at me. I tried to keep my expression frozen, stone.  “Am I too overwhelming for you, gay boy?” An evil laugh rippled from his throat. I ignored him and grabbed my trainers. Throwing my gym kit into my bag, I zipped it shut and slung it over my shoulder. I turned my back and began walking away. 

“Not so fast,” James ordered, grabbing my shoulder and spinning me around. “I’m not done with you yet.” I stared into his eyes and saw nothing but a bully. He thought he was cool and amazing for picking on someone who didn’t fit in, who wasn’t like him. Someone like me. 

“There’s nothing more for you to do, James, you’ve already taken away my dignity,” I muttered and walked away. 

“You did that all by yourself gay boy!” he called after me as I reached the door. I stopped and turned to face him.

 “Does it make you feel good?” I asked him, tilting my head and sneering at him. I was past ignoring the fact that he bullied anyone that wasn’t up to his standards. “Do you feel something when you speak to me like I’m a piece of shit? Do you feel power?”

  “What?” James replied, shocked. I doubt he was expecting me to stick up for myself. He probably expected me to run. But I was done with running. And in that very moment, I accepted who I was.

“Is there something in you that makes you better than the rest of us? How am I any different from you? We’re both humans.” James stared at me with a blank expression, perhaps because he had no clue what to say. Or maybe he thought I was a total idiot. But I was beyond caring. 

“You’re not human, you’re a freak,” he laughed nervously. Grabbing his T-shirt, he yanked it over his head and glared at me.

“Ah get real, James. You’re the one living in the fairytale, not me. How much longer do you think you can keep up your charade?”

“That’s rich coming from you, lover boy. You’re the one who denies that you’re gay,” James spat venomously. 

“That’s it though, isn’t it?” I questioned, taking a couple of steps towards him. “We’re both in the same boat.” 

“What are you talking about? Stay where you are!” he yelled at me, throwing his hands in front of him as if to protect himself. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I carried on walking towards him until I was barely a few feet in front of him. “And that’s the reason you’ve been giving my shit.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” James laughed whilst fiddling with his belt loops. “You think I fancy you?” 

"No I don’t think that. But I think you’re gay.” This shocked him. Finally, I had knocked him down a few pegs. Maybe now he knows what it’s like to be interrogated. 

“What did you just say?” a growl escaped his mouth, a low sound that rippled from his throat. James took a step towards me. Now things would become dangerous for the both of us. I risked a broken nose whilst he risked his secret being exposed. 

“You heard me.”  There was a long, silent, tense moment that dragged by before either of us said anything. 

“This conversation will not leave these walls, Luke, understood?” James said quietly. I realised that this was the first ever time he had called me by my real name.

I knew it was wrong, but I finally felt like I had power over him. He was a jerk and he deserved to taste the acidity of his own medicine.

“Or what?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow. “You’ll punch me again? Nothing will stop you from being gay. You’re a jerk but you can change. It took me a long time to accept it but I was born to be this person and you need to accept who you are or you’re future will be lost.”

“You’re crazy,” he sputtered, grabbing his stuff and rushing to the door. “I mean it gay boy, don’t repeat this or I will come for you.”

So dude, you can see how blissful my day has been. I have finally called check mate. I had won. James couldn't touch me now because I had already beaten him. I wouldn't tell his secret, I’ll let him deal with his own problems. Sooner or later, he’ll either come out of the closet or get found out. Either way, it’s who he is and it’s who I am. This is the last time I'm going to write to you dude, but not for forever. It’s just to signify the end of the old me, the me who was lost but now I am found and I am beautiful.  

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