It's Toni with an i

"If you’re expecting a diary by a Jewish girl hiding a secret annexe somewhere or some book filled with events and notes as I tried to reach the poles or you’re hoping to find a diary accounting a mans life from the day he could write up until he walked straight into the desert never to be seen again- then you might as well put this book back down on the self and pick up another because you aren’t going to find anything like that here." Toni is a 19 year old who writes a series of diary enteries over 2 months on napkins, receipts and scraps of paper- writing when and where she can.

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1. 13th August 1969

If you’re expecting a diary by a Jewish girl hiding a secret annexe somewhere or some book filled with events and notes as I tried to reach the poles or you’re hoping to find a diary accounting a mans life from the day he could write up until he walked straight into the desert never to be seen again- then you might as well put this book back down on the self and pick up another because you aren’t going to find anything like that here. However, if you want to read about a girl who is supporting her alcoholic father by working in a small town diner in North Carolina- then look no further. I’ve never lived anywhere else other than the little town of Aurora since I was born- I will probably die here like the rest of the 582 people that live, work and walk down the same streets I do.

It’s sad really- I could leave, I could pack my bags and set off for the city like they do in the movies but this is pure fiction baby- so there’s no bull like that. When life gives you lemons in a world like this you just have to suck it up and deal with it- I learnt that a long time ago. Being the good little ‘Christian’ girl I am, means that I would never leave my Dad- I’ve all he’s got, ever since Mum died that is. 8 years its been since she passed away of an brain aneurism- she died in the supermarket right in front of us. She was laughing, smiling then she fell to the floor like all the bones in her body had turned to jelly and she could no longer hold herself up right. Since then- Dad had been lost his job, been into hospital a couple of times for alcohol consumption related injuries and I’d dropped out of High School a year early so I could support him.

You’d think I’d miss my friends- but I don’t. I didn’t have many in the first place but after leaving High School I had come to realize the friends I did have were horrible people. Being free of school walls made me come to realize a lot of things- a lot of things I wasn’t necessarily proud of. I came to realize I was a horrible person like my friends- and I was horrible to a lot of people; I was particularly mean to one girl named Kathy St. James. I hadn’t seen her in nearly, what was it now? 5 years? According to rumour she’d OD herself, but failed. No one really knew why or not but I had a strong suspicion that it was my fault entirely. I would write more now, but I’m at work and I’ve run out of napkin space. Maybe next time- I’ll tell you  little bit more about myself. Maybe how I look, maybe what I did with my day- but I can’t promise it’ll be interesting.  

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