A Drifting Feather

What is life for? To achieve your wildest dream? Or to help others achieve their dreams? In history, there has been so many mixed messages. To be honest, I think everyone should have a choice of what they want to do. Unlike some, I have a choice. And yet, I have very little of what I have. Everyone has a weakness, but I have many. Some more painful than others, but still. Some can easily crush me, with one blow. These are the people I trust with my life, and they know what they can do to me. But they choose not to, even though I am not good at heart. At heart, I can be quite evil and selfish. But towards my friends, I am none of that. I only think of them, I defend them before I attack for myself. And the lies I say, they are only to protect others from the truth. But this is the time in my life, when I learn some things. That will change me forever.

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1. My Beliefs

I'm only fourteen, and not living. Barely even seeing. I cannot see why people have to be so vile and immoral towards others. And for what? A laugh, and quick joke. They might think they're so funny, and so witty, but they are anything but that. Well, they're not built on morals, innocent or good. They can't be when they act like they do. And the act against me, as if I did something to them. I am the innocent one in all of this. I might immorally towards them, but that is in defence, after they attack me. The school I attend is full of these people, what we call in modern language, Chavs. “And who can tell me the relationship between Abigail and John? Heather?” I lifted me head to attention, I hated this. The Crucible is really boring, I'm up for learning about Witchcraft, but not how they were so stupid. If Abigail pointed to someone and said they were a Witch, they would probably be hanged. It's ridiculously stupid, luckily now we have science, or I would be screwed. The teacher we have at the moment is alright, but she can treat us like children sometimes. “Who?” I asked, unsure of the question. “Can you tell the relationship between Abigail and John Proctor?” She repeated. As I search though my datafile in my mind, I recalled that they slept together. “Well,” preparing to speak to the whole class, which I hated. “John and Abigail slept together a few months ago, and John's wife found out. And fired her, cause she was their maid. And Abigail can't get over the fact that they actually had a fling. So she wants Elizabeth dead, so she might have a chance with John. Or something like that, I dunno.” I leaned against the wall, showing that's all she is gonna get out of me.

 

“Yes, so who can tell me about John and Elizabeth's relationship?” She stepped to the other side of the room, looking for someone to pick on. I prefer our other English teacher, Mrs. Coleman. Our current teacher, Mrs. Brown is only here for a while. Some sort of teacher training I think. Then she moves onto another school, well good luck with that. I blocked out all the sounds and noises from then on in that lesson. I used to enjoy English, but not with Mrs. Brown. When the bell finally indicated the end of Period 3, and the beginning of Lunch, everyone packed away their things. “And don't forget to hand in your homework tomorrow first Period.” I never do homework, so that didn't concern me in the slightest. I left the building, and made my way down to the tree. It's a medium sized tree, with a wooden bench circling it in a hexagon shape. I could make out a figure sitting there, with my eyesight, I didn't know who. I stepped down the stone steps and came closer. To the right of me, a tennis court, in front the tree. Which was surrounded by grass, which was bald in places. Now I could see who the figure was, it was Zoe, one of my best friends. “Hey Zoe” I called to her. She was rummaging through her bag, probably looking for her lunch. “Hey,” she mumbled while she dug her way through her quite big handbag. Her entire arm was in her bag, just cutting off before half way on her upper arm. I sat next to her on the wooden hexagon, and removed my bag from my shoulder. And tied my recently dyed red hair back, and un-tucked the hair from behind my ears. Waiting for the others to meet us here, I pulled out my notepad and my pen. Which was a blue feather quill, but no ink pot was needed. And I made note of my thoughts, after a few moments. Zoe had finally retrieved her hand from her Tardis like bag, and settled into sitting. Flicking her blonde hair behind her shoulders. She opened her sandwich container, and ate the brown roll that was provided. “So how was your English lesson?” she asked, trying to fill the time while we waited. I was in top set English, and somehow, for everything. I even did Triple Science surprising. But by now, I thought I would have been moved down a set in Maths. I don't have a clue what I'm doing, and yet. In the test we did a little while ago, I got a C. I settled the notepad and quill back in my bag, trying not to ruffle the blue feather. “Boring as usual, learning how Salem was so ridiculously stupid. I would rather learn about Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare actually made the plot make sense. Unlike the dribble I'm learning.” She finished her mouthful and so replied, “Not really. The words are old, and don't make sense.” I laughed lightly to that statement, “Ah Zoe. You just need to look beyond the words on the paper, and think a little.” I understood his language, I'm actually a writer too. But only in my spare time, which is quite a bit to be honest. But even so, I don't have the time to write as much as I would wish to. Well, all I want to do is write, I have too many ideas. There isn't enough paper in the world for me to write everything in my head. Never has, is or will be enough paper. But obviously, I use my laptop, and type willingly as much as I like, without wasting paper. From the distance, I could see the others coming down the steps. And some other people, who I didn't really talk to, luckily. It just annoys me. Chloe, Nicole, Clara and Lauren were the people who I was waiting for, the others, I don't wish to mention. Usually, Clara would be in Film Club, but I convinced her otherwise. In Film Club, you sit in a room watching a film. On occasion, they're actually decent films. But most the time, they're just random. I used to go, until I realised that my social standing crumbling. And even now, my name has a bad ring to it. Thanks to the likes of certain chavs, and other people.

 

They all sat on the bench, I stood up, so Nicole could sit down. I untied my hoodie from my waist, and laid it on the ground, and sit on it. Trying not to feel the stuck up dry grass against my skin. The other people I mentioned came closer, but stopped, and stood in a tight circle. It's like he's teasing me, or trying to make my already crap life a proper hell-hole. I simply just looked away from them, and looked back at my true friends. Chloe was eating her lunch which Nicole had to wait in line and get. Chloe has a thing against talking to teachers, so do I. But she stands her ground, and I respect her for that. My friends started to talk amongst each other, while I just closed my eyes, and listened to the spring wind. The smell around me wasn't a nice one, I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't pleasant at all. I got out my I-pod touch, and hooked my headphones on my ears. And browsed through my music, choosing a song I can always sing along to. Taylor Swift-Better than Revenge. This song is exactly how I feel, I will have my revenge. Because, at the end of the day. I'am a good person, and they don't have the right to treat me life this. To treat me like I'm a piece of shit basically, cause that's certainly how it feels. Well what comes around, goes around. Treat me like that, then I'll give you a double dose of your own medicine. Double cause, the first, cause I want to. And the second, because of Karma. Bad things will come to those who act wrongly. I know I might sound quite evil, but you don't know the pain I've been through. I don't like talking about it, it just makes me wanna cry my eyes out. Chloe knows the most about my situation. Well, I'd rather call it a triangle to be honest. But apparently it isn't, but that's totally wrong. You can't forget something like that, that bloody quickly. Excuse my language, but I just wanna beat something up right about now. Well not something, someone. Okay, need to get rid of these negative thoughts. “What have we got last lesson?” I asked, forgetting my timetable as usual. “Science,” Chloe replied. “With our favourite teacher,” Clara said sarcastically. “Oh great, that means we've got Miss. Burnham. Oh joy,” I said unenthusiastic. I collapsed on my hoodie, with my back being poked by random strands of dry grass. I sighed, releasing more carbon dioxide into the already over populated world.  

 

The song changed when I hit the ground, and shuffled to Last Kiss-Taylor Swift again. I can never listen to this song, without at least being sad. But this time, it was more damaging to me. Tears leaked from my tear ducts. Nicole was the first to notice, she knelt next to me. “Heather, what's wrong?” I sat up, clutching my legs to my chest. “What's right is the real question,” I sniffed. They all knew what was wrong instantly, and the people in the circle luckily didn't notice. Nicole rubbed my back encouragingly, knowing the pain I've been through. She's had this pain several times, for me. This was the first. But I hoped that it would never happen, especially now that. I can't continue that sentence, without having my heart darkened by betrayal. How can someone do this to another human, and not feel guilty. Or even a little sorry. But instead, they just leave it in the distance, as they walk away. I feel like Abigail, holding onto what was there. And what I know, is still in existence. But even so, I can't help but look over my shoulder to the circled group. Amongst them is something I never wanted to lose. The teardrops linked together to become a continuous flowing river from my eyes. I know it's been like two months, but I can't let go of what I had. Cause I never thought I would find it, and when I did. I just didn't hold on tight enough, I let it slip through my fingertips. It was then the people tightly packed in a circle noticed, and one of them came over. Max Meads, he was a good friend, he always had a good joke to make me laugh. Especially his 'Your Mum' jokes, they always crack me up. He sat next to me, and looked at my eyes. He couldn't look into them, cause they weren't looking at him. “Heather what's wrong?” and I replied the same. “What's right is the real question,” I tried to hold back the tears. But I couldn't, I'm just over emotional. But anyone who has been through this pain would agree with me, that it's worth dying for. When you give all you can, and it's not enough. It just makes you feel worthless, undeserving and not good enough for them. With one fluid happening, I pulled my bag over my shoulder, and grabbed my hoodie. Standing there for a moment, I looked at them all. I walked back towards the building, the circle loosening, and looking at me. “Heather, what's wrong?” one of them said as I walked through the middle of them. Not before looking at one of them, showing my true being. I ignored the question, “Heather!” she called. I turned back the them, “Why would you care anyway? You got what you wanted, at my expense.” And with that, I went back into the warm aired building. Can't they be asked to turn the radiators off? Or are they too lazy to do that too? I made my way to the library, I'm always welcomed there. Except Fridays, it's closed then. It's Wednesday, which was a lucky day for me. Until that type of luck for me dried out. And I doubt that I'll ever get I back, not for years anyway.  

 

I came to almost empty library, just the occasional person browsing the books. And most the computers in use, not for homework though, I'm guessing. I threw my bag onto the table, and sat on the green plastic chair. With my feet up on the chair next to me, trying to calm down. It wasn't working, I changed the song to Bella's Lullaby. This always keeps me calm. It's reassuringly gentle to listen to, in the toughest of times. I closed my eyes, and dried the moistness of my eyes with my sleeve. Trying to remove any trace of my emotions. I don't like people commenting on the fact that I cry when I’m upset, some people just say I'm pathetic. And when people say things like that, that's when I start to get violent. I'm known for being violent, but I don't plan to be, it just happens. Like when you accidentally slip out something you're no suppose to.  

I do that too, but again, by mishap. And people have a go at me for letting it come out, I don't mean to. But even when I apologise, they still rant at me. Like I'm evil or something. I hate it when people think of me illy. It's not like I go around making rumours that people are pregnant or some rubbish like that. When there's a rumour, people instantly believe it. Even if it's like completely out of reality, and like someone is going to kill themselves. Well, in this school, that's more likely. I can't keep count of how many people are Emo. But they can't admit it. Well they did slit their wrist, so they can't deny it.  

 

Yes I'll let most of them off, because they only did it once. But I know one person who does it for pleasure, and yet. They don't have a genuine reason for doing it, and then after they did. They blamed me for it, how fucking pathetic, I didn't make you. But I couldn't care less at the end of the end of the day, cause they made my life crap. And now, they're trying to make it a hell-hole. So don't you dare try and blame me for your own mistakes, when they weren't mine to make. I've made mistakes, and I can't bare to think about them, and I just want to undo the last few months. So I can start this whole situation again, actually. If I did start again, there would be no situation at all. We would all be happy, all of us. I didn't have anything to do, except just wait for the end of the day. So I can get on the bus, go home, and cry like a baby. I pulled out a book from my bag, and opened it to the page I was reading. I was reading Eragon by Christopher Paolini. I love mythology and mythical animals, but Dragons especially. The Chinese were right to view them as Gods. They were the mightiest of all creatures, living or extinct. If you ask people, whether they believer Dragons were real, most people would answer 'No'. Not even explaining why they're ruling out the idea, and saying it's a load of poo. But can't they open their minds even slightly, and believe in something.  

 

Yes, I'm all for science, but I do believe they're real. And they died out in the middle ages. But maybe, just maybe, they're still alive. And hiding from Man kind, knowing that our ancestors once tried to kill them all off. Just because they killed off some of our livestock. But who cares about a few sheep? When we could have had these beautiful creatures still walking or flying on the planet today. And we could of trained them, to work at our side. To of had an alliance between Humans and Dragons would have been the best thing we would have done in history. But in our history, what have we done? At the end of the day, we're just slowly killing our home, and where will we go when Earth is gone. Nowhere, cause there is no other planet like Earth, we have to protect it while we can. Before we kill don’t just kill Earth, but ourselves too.

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