My Near Invisible Life

"You're crazy," I mutter to Jess, slumping down on a cushion next to her bed.

"Naa, just wait for him," she laughs, rolling off of her bed, onto the floor next to me.

"But all of his friends will be there," I sigh, running my hands through my long, dark, wavy hair. "They'll laugh at me, and call me desperate!"

"Let them," she yawns, leaning against the wall. "You'll know why you're there, and so will he. That's all that matters."

"Okay then," I say reluctantly, pulling myself up, "but it's your fault if I die of embarrassment!"

I have never kissed a guy, and I have never had any other experiences for that matter. I'm invited to parties, but so's everyone else. So it's not my fault that when someone actually notices me, I don't know what to do. And I can't ask Jess for help and advice, because we're just as bad as each other!


1. Day One - Friday


Three in the morning. I actually had no reason to wake up at that time. Maybe the party invite was going to my head. I make it sound like I've never received an invite before, but I have, if you count parties when I was in primary school, which consist of these nibbles around a little table, with neatly dressed teddies by your side. Anyway, I actually had no reason to wake up at that time. My mind goes into overdrive when I have something to prepare for, because I don't know what to wear, and when I'm going to be surrounded by fit boys, every ounce of dignity and pride gets washed away in the moment.

If there's one thing I hate about Fridays, it's having to go to school. It's the day when everyone has their parties, and instead of chilling on the pier, or simply washing my hair, I'm trying to figure out all these stupid formulas which mean nothing to me, but a lot to the A* which I plan to have achieved by the end of year eleven. I'm in year ten, and I still can't understand half of the stuff we learn in triple science. Is it me, or is it quite worrying? As well as that, I have never been snogged in my whole fifteen years of life, and that it very bad, especially when it comes to girls nights in, when you compare all the boys you've snogged, and how good they were.

I couldn't tell the difference between the best kisser in the world, and a goldfish in disguise, so don't ever ask me for the 0-10 of snogs. I get up to three then completely give up, because it usually takes about five minutes to name them, let alone the rest.

1. Peck on the cheek

2. Peck on the lips

3. Kiss on the lips (there is a difference between peck and kiss, a kiss is more passionate)

4. ...

See what I mean, I'm hopeless, if I can fail at a simple snogging scale, then I can fail at pretty much anything, and when it comes to my first snog, I have to make an impression.

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