Translucent

It's the 90's and everything from Tamagotchis and Pokemon cards is in, Jules and Nathanial meet when they're just 15 but something has drawn them to each other for a while, Nathanial is an old soul longing to capture the vibrance of youth and excitement that emanates from his peers, but his parents have bred in him a cautious nature and he never quite knows what to say or how to act, he is never, ever spontaneous. Jules is quiet and reserved in school, intimidated by the academics and with no urge to change herself or how she looks to impress the other girls, she's always gotten on with boys anyway, they're simpler, or were, before testosterone fuelled displays of masculinity started cropping up. In the UK, 15 is the age you start testing your boundaries, how far you can go without getting into big trouble, how much you want from life, whether your parents are overprotective or looking out for your best interests - whether true love and soulmates are just a fallacy.

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1. Nathaniel I

Out of bed. Curtains open. Fog everywhere. The whole street was covered in a whiteness, a mistiness that made it glisten like a painting, like monet's waterlilies, but it wasn't france, it wasn't natural beauty but an average British suburban street full over average people, milling over the tedium of their lives, struggling to maintain their consumer lifestyle like shallow worker-bees, not working for the good of the hive but for self-interest, to afford the latest mind numbing piece of technology, as some kind of status symbol to win one over on your neighbors: "have you got the....? oh you haven't, well you should really see it, look I'll show you, isn't it just fantastic..". And so on, and so on.

 

Life, cyclic, without a modicum of change, at least for adults, grownups. What I so yearned for, to be respected and acknowledged for my intelligence, wit, culture - anything really. But here I am reading, and learning and bettering myself, entertaining my parents friends and other adults with my anecdotes, all in anticipation of my own joining of the hive. Why was I in such a hurry to grow up? It's Bournemouth 1998, I see all the retirees and think about  how blissful their lives are, empty of stress and responsibility, or at least work, but is that really something I want, or should want. Nobody wants to work, but needs must, nobody wants to go to school, but needs must. And really, school is comfort - "education, education, education!". I'm well on my way across the conveyor belt of education, all for some unrealistic target of teenage higher education. But it's comforting, the government have a plan for me, or at least for the wriggling mass like me, even if I don't for myself, and my parents are disinterested and just expect me to figure this out. This is my life, my comfort is in education, I'm directionless and yet nothing I see seems like something I'd like to do with my life, even the kids at school, who are so vibrant and excitable like children (which they are) are so immersed in life, so shining - they've probably considered the meaning of the word future even less than me. To them FUTURE probably just means the plot of The Hunger Games trilogy or the Dune series.. strike that, they definitely don't read outside of school, to them it means Avatar, or Star Wars.

 

The Fog, it's like a metaphor for my life. Aimless, pointless, bland and damp. I don't have the excitement of my peers, or the drive of my older sister. If I had to sum my life up in one word that word would be "mediocre". I feel like I've grown up too fast, or at least discovered reality too fast. This is meant to be the idyllic time of my youth, where I'm idealistic and believe in causes - Freedom, Truth, Love and Beauty. All I can see is fog, smothering, cloaking, if there's beauty then it's lost on me. The world is a patchwork of monochrome. My life a tapestry of average. My name is Nathaniel Green, and I am 15 years old. 

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