Dear Emptiness

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  • Published: 28 Mar 12
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Blurb Melancholia. Numbness. Pain. They're main-elements in this piece, taken from my own life. Tell me rather you think I should drop it, or not.
Tags:
love,  numbness,  loss,  pain,  heartbreak,  ripped apart,  melancholia
Genre:
Diary
Approx 2 minutes to read

1. First

Dear emptiness.

Things fall apart. They do so all the time. Wreck your heart, till unrecognizable, and dump it in the trash. I'm used to it. I am so God damn used to it. So why does it hurt more, every time it happens? Why does it never stop surprising me. I get ripped apart, over and over again, and well? Who could it possibly shock? I am wrong. Existentially wrong, in any way possible, and I've always been.

Whatever I do is wrong, whatever I say. The way I think, the way I speak, even the way I breathe is wrong! I breathe the wrong air in, and the wrong air out, or something like that.

Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars. God knows he owes me a favor.

I need to have my heart fixed, but because I seem to have already, people a starting to hold my hands, and drag me in every direction, ripping me to pieces, before I'm okay. I need more time to heal, but nobody sees it, 'cause I don't know how to let them. What am I going to do? I can try to explain myself. Try to make them understand. Apologize. But fact is, really I can't apologize enough, for breaking everything I touch. Everything I touch, just falls apart.

And I don't know if I'll live through it, or not, but I know one thing. I don't want to. I don't want to survive my world coming crashing down, and I don't know if that is even possible. Clashed under the pieces of an old life, can you live? I'm not sure, but I got a feeling I'll find out soon enough.

 

Bella out.

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