Diary of a Daydreamer

Psychological Thriller, Take a journey throught the eyes of an addict who quickly delves deeper into the interwoven realms of reality and fiction. Dark Humour.

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18. Knocking On Forbidden Doors

Every moment that passes through each waking second, I find myself falling through time and space with no control over the past, while the present flies by before I have time to take action and the future is lost before I even see it. I’m never awake yet never asleep; I have travelled through the variety of consciousnesses and evolved them into one perception of reality. I call that reality hell. Even with all the revelations I am no closer in finding all the pieces to this jigsaw. It doesn’t help that there’s more than one puzzle in the same box. Trixie tends to my bloodied wrists and checks my broken hand. She’s got a gentle touch that takes away all the pain that I’ve been holding onto, if only for a moment. After patching me up we decide to head over to Rick’s place; hoping we’ll get some much needed information on what’s been going on. I’ll have to go to Louie’s straight after to tell him everything that I find out. He’ll be going out of his mind not knowing what’s happening. At least he’s got all the drinks in the bar to clear his head. Trix and I enter Rick’s neighbourhood; all my senses become aware of all the inhuman fiends lurking around every corner. We pick up our pace to Rick’s apartment. We’ve lived in the darkest areas of the city but this place is full of people who have lost all connection with society on both sides of the law. Safely arriving to the derelict building we enter through the open front door. We head up the stairs, past the sleeping folk that live on this stairwell and finally get to the gold and red glowing door. I knock on his door. It instantly swings open and there in front of us stands Rick pointing a gun at my forehead. I ask Trixie if this is real. Unfortunately she says it is. I look down the barrel of the gun and remind Rick that he knows us. He belligerently reminds me that he told me not to come back here any time soon. His twitching body could lead him to pull the trigger whether he means it or not. At any moment his gun could go off and the corridor would get a nice shade of red to decorate the darkened walls. Sweat trickles down the side of my cheek. Trixie steps in and tells him to put the gun down and that we’re here about Lauren. He lowers his gun with a hopeful expression to hear news of his wife. He invites us in; Trixie can get any guy to do whatever she wants and Rick is no different to be susceptible to her persuasion. As me and Trix get offered a seat on the worn down sofa, but first I make sure I don’t get a free hit from a random needle lying around. I see a line of white powder lying neatly on the table, a rolled up note sits next to the line all set up, such a waste just to leave it there, I move forward; an automatic reflex controls me as my nose is hungry for the feeling that only that line can provide. Trixie rubs my shoulder reminding me that I can hold off from taking the poison, and that I don’t need to destroy myself. Rick paces up and down the room like a cricket player on speed. We ask him what happened to his wife, Lauren. He stops pacing for a second before continuing. He asks us why we want to know. I respond by telling him that whoever killed her tried framing me. He declares that it doesn’t matter anymore; nothing matters. I stand up and grab Rick stopping him in his tracks. “It’s too easy to self-destruct and forget everything in your past, but by doing that you’re not just losing the bad memories you’re losing the good ones too, the little things in life that make you who you are and who you’re going to become. This moment you can either choose to forget all about Lauren and make your life easier, or you can remember every moment, the good and the bad that made you both fall so madly in love and hold onto the pain knowing that there was once something in your life so incredible that has the power to make you feel that way.” He stands there, I can tell from his expression that he doesn’t want to forget, he doesn’t want Lauren to leave his life for good. He brings forward the memories that he was trying to forget, telling us the story of him and Lauren. They met when Lauren was sixteen and Rick was eighteen, Rick had never seen such beauty. He went straight up to her laying his heart on the line. As Lauren looked to the man who spoke such kind openness, she fell in love immediately. For the next year they were living a joyful life, every moment they could they would spend it together. They were inseparable. Things changed when Lauren’s brother came back from the war last year. Rick never knew Louie before the war, but Lauren said that when he came back he was a different man. He hated the country and all the people that he had returned to. Louie hated Rick as soon as he met him and gave him no chance to show how much he cared for Lauren. Louie didn’t listen and refused to let his younger sister hang around with drug dealers even though at the time Rick never took drugs himself, he was importing and exporting, raising good money to look after his soon-to-be wife. After Rick refused to stop seeing Lauren, Louie went mad and beat Rick up to an inch of his life telling him to leave Lauren alone. He just wanted to protect Lauren. Rick could understand Louie’s view but even after the savage beating there was no way he could ever stop loving and being there for her. Rick and Lauren eloped, getting married as soon as she turned eighteen. As the year went by, Lauren became so upset that she started taking some of the coke that Rick was dealing in. Rick admits that he picked up the drug habit at the same time as Lauren.  They were happy none the less. It all changed a few days ago when we heard a rumour that his friend - my neighbour Martin, was sleeping with an infamous cop’s wife. Lauren left the apartment in the morning and went round to warn Martin about lying low for a while, but she never came back. Turns out she mistook my address for my neighbours’; the 6 on my door had twisted round the screw to a 9. Martin’s place was three doors down. The next realization will haunt me forever; I slammed the door in the face of a girl who was looking to help her friends, and beneath her muffled voice she wasn’t asking for ‘smack’, she was trying to give out a warning to my neighbours. ‘It’s Max’. Rick informs me that he’s sure that Louie got to her. After disowning her he’s been looking for us ever since. He wasn’t going to allow his family name to be ruined and as long as Lauren was alive she was a threat to his self-justified honour. Rick shouts at us to leave, he takes the line on the table and enters the world of attempts to forget the past, present and future. We do as he says and leave him to the path he has chosen. Louie had lied to me when he told me that he blackmailed Max and it all went wrong. He’s cold, calculated and he doesn’t make mistakes. I never thought he would ever have gone this far to kill his own sister but just like love, war can make men do crazy things.

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