Love


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1. The full story

18/11/11 I've often thought about it... love I mean. Seems nice, you know- two people so deeply in love that they think about each other each week of the year, each day of the week, each hour of the day, each minute of the hour, each second of the minute; you get the idea. People who lose time in eachother's eyes, and lose the world when embrace each other. For as long as I can remember, that four-letter word, 'love' has engulfed almost everyone I knew and know, injecting them with its drug untill they gradually become more and more weakened by it, untill they eventually become controlled by it, submitting to its every request and their hearts instructed to beat two times faster upon its reference.

But that's never been me, 'love' has never been my puppeteer. Apparently this is the 'greatest time of my life' as I am 'young, wild and free', or as my mum says 'single and ready to mingle'. I try to believe it, believe me, but it's hard when you see every other person's hand intertwined with anothers. 

21/11/11 Today I walked my dog, Pippa around the forest. I love to walk, especially with her. Her cream, tight curls jumping through the multi-toned greens and sun-set reds and oranges that represent the pureness of nature, cause my lips to lift in a way that not much else can cause them to do so. It's that sort of secretive, audacious smile, as if you've remembered a funny scene whilst walking down the road and you smile with an attempt to ensure that nobody else can see. Because it's your memory. Your privacy from the world.

However, today's walk was different to usual. Feeling that no one was around, I sang out loud, releasing all feeling and occasionally glancing at the trees and sky above my head, that appear as cracks on fresh ice. I become loose when I sing and completely at one with myself. I rippled my hand down Pippa's back as she rushed passed me. Suddenly I heard another voice, a melody, so disconnected but so perfectly harmonising with my own tune. I stopped singing. Shortly after, the other voice stopped too. I anticipated, creased-eyed at the corner as I walked. A tall, dark of skin, comfortably dressed male figure stepped out from the corner. I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable and self-consious. My heart fluttered at his looks and his beautiful voice. We smiled at each other awkwardly, his sea-green eyes glistening in the morning sun-light. The scent of his masculine perfume curtained my nose and sent that smile running back.

It was so strange when he left. I suddenly felt deflated and incredibly alone. But I took a sigh, ruffled pippa's tight curls and jogged the rest of the way home.

21/11/12 Today's my birthday. I have had the most amazing day, with family, friends, cake and presents. And, of course, Rydin. It's amazing, a year ago was when we met. I never thought 'love' would find me, but it I found love. We found love. And it is well and truly running through my blood with no hope of rescuing me. But it is perfect. And now I believe that it is possible for EVERYONE to find love, to feel love and to live love. Nothing's impossible, but most commonly love should not be searched for, as it only appears when it is unexpected. Like your own Narnia.

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