Dear Dad...

This is a poem about a relationship between a father and daughter. The Father suffers from depression and the daughter is trying to understand it.

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1. Dear dad...

Dear Dad, 

I'm sorry for not understanding

But from the age of thirteen

I thought YOU were very mean

Maybe I was too demanding

but two days after my birthday you said you didn't want to see me no-more

This hurt. It was my worse day

All them years...for you; it must have been a chore.

 

Dear Dad...

Yes...to see me you refused

is the day my sky turned purple and black

like a huge angry bruise.

It felt like someone had hit me in the face...WHACK!

I grew more alert.

My love for you did turn to hate

How could you dessert your daughter-leave me in this state?

 

Dear dad...

Yes I did see you again after that

but it wasn't the same

Yes we had our little chats

but a phone call from you never came.

I was the one to ring you.

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

You didn't; still don't have a clue

No answer as usual...but that's fine.

 

Dear dad...

Did you know?

Walking to your old house- I spent my Saturdays

For you was it a spectacle...a show?

I knew you was in...but it doesn't matter ey

I didn't...still don't understand why

They said you was ill... poorly

I'd lay in bed at night and cry

but you can't be ill for over four years...surely?

 

Dear dad,

I was angry with frustration

Now you didn't answer your phone either!

But this led to my motivation

to do something with my life- be an achiever.

From then on I tried hard at school

Some of my mates would laugh

I saw education as a tool...

...a weapon to show you, but this idea was naff!

 

Dear dad,

I thought you was disappointed in me

So I wanted to make you proud.

My plan: Get the highest possible grades at G.C.S.E

But my head was in the clouds.

"Good" That is all you said

-you didn't seem that bothered

the tone of your voice I read.

The sum dimmed out; clouds covered.

 

Dear dad,

What I'm really trying to say is why?

What did I do wrong?

Do you hate me that much to not answer my questions...

...to tell me the truth...

I will stay out of your life forever.

Why do you talk to me one minute and not the next?

I love you so much.

No words can explain

but the frustration, anger and the pain

of not knowing why?

takes charge like in a war

But if you do tell me will I want to hear it?

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