He Loves Me Not

My entry for the Valentine's Day Competition. This is a poem about an abusive relationship, and the decision whether to stay or leave. Please leave constructive criticism and other comments, I am only 15 and would really love to improve my writing skills so any advice or tips you have are definitely welcome!

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1. He Loves Me Not

I step outside,

Ice cold wind slaps me sharply, swiftly,

Across my cheeks,

It hurts, though not as much as the strike of your hand.

 

 

I step one step further,

Off the porch,

Into the soft snow,

As soft as the touch of your lips.

 

 

I step onto the street,

Street lights blur

through the fog of the morning, fog as damp

as the crevice under my blackened eyes.

 

 

I continue on,

Pull my coat tighter,

It reminds me of you-

Your warm embrace.

 

 

I battle the wind as I battle my thoughts,

I'm more unsure than ever.

The thought of staying

is just as painful as the thought of leaving.

 

 

The love we share is more complicated

than to simply stay or go.

An infinite war in my mind resumes.

I can reach no conclusion.

 

 

My head is now cloudy, foggy, vague.

Thoughts are disjointed, separate.

morning as I wake to your anger

These thoughts become more difficult.

 

 

I flick my lighter,

the flame dances softly.

I light, I breathe.

This fills me with more warmth than your love ever has.

 

 

Guilt blazes my cheeks

as if my whole body has suddenly caught alight.

I realise what I'm thinking and I want to be sorry,

But I'm not sure if I am.

 

 

I lay down,

Eyes to the sky,

Waiting,

As if the answer will come with the descending snow.

 

 

I lay,

I wait,

I cry,

and I pray.

 

 

I wake, and find the snow,

melted.

The setting sun peeps through the clouds

as a child through their hands playing peek-a-boo.

 

I gather my strength-

this task consumes me.

Inhale.

Exhale.

 

 

I stand and walk

into the distance,

not turning back

for fear of what may stop me.

 

 

I whisper my apology to you

and the wind whisks it away

and buries it amongst the clouds.

The sun fades. The shadows are gone now.

 

 

As the night settles I send a final prayer to the sky,

For this broken love,

and for,

a new tomorrow.

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