Decisions

Just a quick write after school.

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1. Decisions

I have this emotional discontent

That I’m separated,

I just don’t connect…..

Like I’m sleeping in the far away tent

While I wash my hands from the blood

Pat myself to rid of dust

Take my meds and slowly rust

I thought about writing

Then I thought of life

“Have I lived mine? And how much?”

When you look over your day

Your week, your month,

Your life

They were an accumulation of

“I’m going to choose this road over that road”

And

“That sounds like a better idea”

Over time this free decider

Which you call I

Will eventually die

And that will be left is a room full of stuff

That looks like a pigs stye.

This experiential disconnection

When you can sit and watch,

Watch yourself go through the motions

The emotions

It makes my mouth taste like salt water

Pull me out of this ocean

Because this taste just grows more and more bitter

Help me see my dreams,

Its hard to see them when my eyes are black and purple

Just don’t leave

I’ll fall back into this circle.

To watch yourself make your decisions

Is as useful as laying down

And making small incisions

Into your skin

Sometimes it just feels right.

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