Winter Crisis

I wrote this when I was in primary school, and my writing skills weren't as developed then as they are now, so please excuse all mistakes and poor pieces of writing, and notify me of them if they bother you.
The ENTIRE movella is copied from the word document I wrote it in, so some fo the paragraphs may not be paragraphs anymore.
Northana has frozen over! In a rush to evacuate, Lydia loses her way and encounters a prison. There she meets Heather, a nine-year-old girl who hasn't seen her family in years. Together, they escape and vow to set things right.
(Complete.)

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11. Fire Hurdle

The roof cascading down all around her, Lydia made for the door. But when she reached it, her hand inches from the handle, when she had a sudden urge to return for something. Absent-mindedly, Lydia raced, for the last time, up the corridor. Through the flames, Lydia could see faces behind a vent and conducted the group out. As they burst into the corridor, hitting the wall with some force, flames up. They were trapped! Fire and smoke whirled all around them, it was like being swallowed by a whale. Fire blazed and smoke gushed endlessly. Out of nowhere, Lydia’s head started buzzing. “Wow!” Thought Lydia “I feel like I’ve just landed on the sun!” Heads spinning round and round, Lydia and her friends crashed to the ground then all was so black, so silent.

Sometime later Lydia came around. She daren’t open her eyelids as she was afraid of what she might see. Thump! Lydia heard footsteps, so she could hear.  Something cold on her back told her that her sense of touch was still intact. Then a man spoke. “They okay?” He grunted. “They’re fine. Can’t say the same for this little tyke.” Replied another man. Eager to find out what happened, and trying to make herself heard, Lydia moaned and shuffled. One of the men bent down to help, his hands warm as he sat her up. Just then, Lydia felt it was safe to open her eyes.

Her lashes were sticky and hard to keep open at first so she shut them. While sitting up, Lydia took in her surroundings.

A group was in the doorway to the place she had just left. Lydia saw Heather rushing towards her through the crowd, with a small, brown haired girl in tow. They bent down before her. They explained how the little girl, Emma, had lost all her family to killers and how Heather had found her mother. But then Heather broke into tears. “What’s up?” Asked Lydia. “My baby brother died.” Replied Heather. “I didn’t know you had one!” Exclaimed Lydia. “Mum had him while she was her.” Whispered Heather. “Anyway the law is bound to hear about this.”

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