You are not alone.

I want to turn the world around.
I want to make a difference.
Did you know that there are roughly seven billion people in this world, the planet Earth? Everybody is trying to live without living just for the sake of living.
Whether it's the sweet smell of her neck, the satisfying ring of the cash register, the stranger on the 907 bus who smiles at you from time to time or even the ploppety plop of a broken tap. You live for it. What's the point of going on otherwise?
Go a step further. Do you have something you'd die for? Do you really deserve to live if you don't have anything to die for?
Or are you out there wondering? Like a good 6.9999 billion others.. What am I here for?
Well, I want to light up the world.
Nothing more, and definitely nothing less.


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7. The Middle

I never think the beginning is the best place to start. So I often don't start at the beginning. Some bits are bumpy, and it often causes loads of questions, that you don't necessarily want to answer. That I don't necessarily want to answer. The explanations are too long, and sometimes you want to tell a story without telling you whole life. This tends to happen when you start at the beginning.

I don't think that the ending is particularly relevant either. 

Our friendship was simple. It was relaxed and casual. I didn't owe him anything, and he didn't owe me anything. That's what I thought anyway. And we were somewhere in the middle, the best place to be. Comfortable and snug. Even if the middle is awfully vague. When does the middle even start?

It was weird, because I still had a guard up, I always did, but this guard felt like it was weaker. It's like comparing a solid brick wall to aluminium foil. I didn't feel worried though. There was something safe and familiar about Mike. It was a tiny bit scary too. He always knew where I was and why, what I liked and so on and so forth. It was kind of convenient but Mike never knew how I was feeling. I had to spell it out, every single time. 

And I didn't know anything about him. He never wore uniform, never went to lessons, didn't board here. Even Eliza found it difficult to get legitimate information; it was surprising how many Michael Noah's were out there. All that we could get about Mike was off government files. He wasn't part of any societies, cults or clubs. He'd never been out of the country. No email address, not on social networking sites.That gives no insight into what he likes to do, who he is inside. That's the stuff that matters.

It's fustrating not knowing about people.

But I understood his actions. 

He was behind me, standing up and making his mind up whether to go left and sit down next to me, go right and sit down next to me, or pop his head over my right shoulder and talk to me until it got uncomfortable. He was Mr Simple. Easy to understand.

"Wanna go out tomorrow?" I didn't care about where he sat anymore.

That question was weird. Where was there to go out? Now I thought about it, I'd never actually been "out" somewhere on the weekend. After year seven, I stopped going home to visit my parents in the holidays. I didn't have a bus pass, or a licence, so where was there to go on foot? I hadn't even explored  the town that my school was in. 

It was then that  realised, how sheltered I truly was.

"Go out? Where?" I raised my eyebrows at him. 

"Does it really matter? It's the weekend, pack something nice, and let's go to a beach." He sighed heavily, "Doesn't this place get depressing? Let's get Benji, and your friend. Fast typer."

"Eliza?"

"Exactly. Let's all go down to the beach."

I didn't know what to do really. I went down to the beach when I was seven. I rode a donkey, ate some rock and got sand in my sandals. I didn't hate it, but it wasn't fantastic either. I can't swim, I'm not afraid of the ocean or sea, like some non-swimmers, but I'm literally useless at swimming. I don't even have a costume. How on earth, was I going to go to the beach?

But I really wanted to go. I want to see the pretty sea, even if it's cold and windy. Especially if it's cold and windy.

"I don't have a costume. I don't think I -" I stopped because he started waving his arms around like a windmill when I said think. He was sighing at looked like he was going to cry in fustration. "Mike what are you doing?"

"All that stuff doesn't matter Percephone! Just say that you want to go, and we'll go."

Simple enough.

"I want to go."

"Done. We'll get your costume and essentials on the way. We'll do it all on the way. Okay?"

I nodded. And the teeth were out. The yellow crooked teeth were out and he had a stupid smile plastered on his face. A stupid smile that made me smile. But before I could react, he was on his way. Gradually moving further away from me.

 

And later on, when I reached the office to inform them that I'd be away for the weekend, I realised how narcissistic Michael Noah actually was. I walked up to the little lady behind the computer and explained my situation, and how sorry I was for late notice. The office lady looked slightly confused when she tapped details into the database. She replied :

"But deary, you've already come here and said this surely. It says here that you were booked in for leave this weekend, five weeks ago. Have you double booked an appointment with someone?"

Wow.

"That's highly unlikely. Thank you anyway!" I smiled, but I was incredibly self conscious. I swear fumes were coming out of my head and ears.

The little idiot (I deserve an award for keeping this PG) was so convinced I would say yes he booked me in five weeks ago. 

Grrr.

 

 

 

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