Unnamed

This is a short story i thought of... hope you like it :) Plus, songs you may want to listen to whilst reading this are:
We are broken, by Paramore
or
Cant fight the moonlight Le Anne Rimes

if you think there are any songs that suit it, please comment below :)

Gracias

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1. Unnamed

I lay still. Just breathing. Not moving, not thinking. Just Breathing. Thoughts whirled around in my head like a hurricane, leaving nothing but destruction and havoc in its wake. I sat up, my mind set. This was it, the end. I had let depression run my life for too long, letting it dig its ugly mangled claws into me, dragging me down into the darkness. I had been fighting an un-winnable battle for years, hope constantly slipping away from me like a fish caught in suffocating hands. I was done, i couldn’t take it anymore. The only thing that had kept me a float, instead of sinking in the murky waters that threatened to drown me, was him. I thought of his sleek dark brown hair, that swooped elegantly across his forehead and flicked just above his ears, the way he shook his head when bits of hair fell into his deep fathomless saphire blue eyes. Eyes that you would need a map to navigate out of. I thought of his smile, a smile that made my knees feel weak and make my body tremble.

He deserved better than me. Better than a broken girl, who was nothing but a shadow of her former self. Someone who wasn’t constantly standing on the edge of a cliff, the foundations slowly crumbling away beneath her. No. He deserved someone who was good and complete. Who wasn’t filled with desolation. I couldn’t be that girl. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wished he could, he couldn’t fix me, couldn’t put the pieces back together.

I walked out under the blanket of glistening stars that surrounded the earth like a blanket, protecting it from harm. Letting the cool breeze gently caress my face, lifting my long auburn hair off my shoulders. My feet were bare as i trod on the soft green grass, wet with fresh droplets of rain water. I drifted along, a hazy dream-like feeling filling me, until i came to my favorite place. My personal haven. 

In front of me stood a willow tree; i loved it because it was everything i was not. It was strong, and rooted deeply into the earth, standing firmly. Its sage-green branches drooping gracefully to the floor, creating a curtain around its broad impenetrable trunk. I pressed my hand against it, resting my head against the moss covered bark. “Climb...” a voice lost in the wind whispered, urging me on. Slowly, with the rope draped across my shoulder, i began to climb. Taking one step at a time, my fingers clinging to the comfort it offered. When i was high enough, i shuffled along one of it’s thick branches, a leg hanging over each side.

I reached for the rope i had secured on my shoulder, slowly unraveling it. I tied one end of it around the tree, making a loop on the other end. My fingers fumbled clumsily, my hands shaking. I took a deep breath to steady myself, before pulling out my mobile from my jean pocket. This was the right thing to do, i knew it was only a matter of time before i was lost forever. I would forever be the girl trapped in an hourglass, the sand slowly burying me alive. I clicked call, and pressed the phone against my ear. My heart pounding with every ring. The other line clicked, and his sweet honey voice filled my ear. “Hey baby.” He greeted, just the sound of his voice made my heart melt. My free hand clenched into a fist. I longed for him to be here; to wrap his arms around me, and tell me everything was going to be okay. But i knew that if he were here, he would talk me out of it. And i needed to make this decision by myself, this was the only thing i could control anymore.

“Hey.” I breathed, unsure of how to begin. How would i tell him goodbye? “I just wanted to say that i love you.” I said, my voice wavering. A single tear rolled down my cheek, i wiped it quickly away with the back of my hand.

“I love you too angel.” I imagined what he would be doing now. How he would be lying on his bed, earphones in, letting the music pulse through his body. His eyes closed, his face peaceful and relaxed.

“You need to know, need to understand that you were the best thing that ever walked into my life.” I insisted, needing him to understand how i felt.

“Why does it feel like your saying goodbye?” When i stayed silent, his voice became more urgent. “What are you doing baby? Whats going on?” Tears began to stream down my face, my breath coming out in short sobs.

“Im sorry. Im so so sorry.”

“Whats going on? Where are you? Are you hurt?” He questioned, his voice filled with tension and worry.

“Shhh...” I hushed, blinking back tears.

There was a short pause, before he slowly said “Your at the willow, aren’t you... Im coming, hold on.”

“No, please... Don’t, i just... i need to be alone right now... I just wanted to tell you how much i love you.” I could practically hear his mind working, planning what he should do next.

“Okay, so i will see you tomorrow then?” I bit back a sob, my hands shaking.

“Yes.” I lied.

“Okay baby, just promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“Please, don’t do anything stupid.”

“Okay, i promise.” I agreed, i knew what i was about to do wasn’t stupid. It was inevitable. My only way out, my only escape from my shrinking world.

“Cross your heart?”

I smiled, “Cross my heart.”

“I love you so much Annie. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t...” I whispered in response, and i wouldn’t. I knew that even after death, his love would be the sun, lighting up my world.  A beacon of light guiding me home, like a ship on a stormy night. I hung up the phone, and let the tears flow like a waterfall, crying uncontrollably into my hands.

A few seconds later, i steadied my breathing. Picking up the scratchy rope and placing it over my head, tightening it around my neck so it pressed against my throat. Then, cautiously i got to my feet, balancing among the jade green leaves that hung down around me. Watching them as they swayed entrancingly in the wind.

“Jump...” An alluring voice echoed around me. “Jump...”

“No, don’t let go...” A second voice whispered.

“Jump...” The first voice urged again.

“Hold on, don’t give up.” The second voice argued.

I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with the sweet air, silencing the two voices. I was in control.

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