Something Sad...

I love animals but I can't keep pets.. at least the small ones. I know for sure I can't control myself... and I won't be able to no matter what.

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1. Pets + Me = XXX

Ever since I was a small girl, I've loved animals. On my uncle's farm, I've a horse named Midnight, typical name for horses and Midnight has 2 ponies which I named Crestfallen and Wonderland. They're magnificent and beautiful creatures. Too bad I can't have them with me all the time. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. When I talk about things such as secrets, the first that comes to my mind isnt about a secret love or such. It's always about my love and fear for small animals.

 

When I turned 10 I believe, my mother permitted me to keep a small pet that'll stay in a cage as she's afraid of every single living thing out there even me sometimes. So I got this hamster and it was really cute but i didn't know how to look after it so after about 2 months, it passed on. After that I believed I would be able to have another try at things so I got 6 more hamsters... one by one. They all died.

 

I love small animals, I really do but I fear them because everytiime I have one, it always dies. It's not necessarily my fault people always say, but they don't know the truth because I killed every single one of those hamsters.

I couldn't help it, it was just so cute and helpless I thought I'd toy with it a bit but I must've strangled it. It stopped moving. So i got a hamster that looked similar to replace it so that my parents wouldnt know. that hamster died because I gave it a bath unknowingly. I tried to warm it afterwards but it was too late. The third hamster, I got really stressed about homework and I saw it crawling up my bed as I'd let it out for a bit. So I held it up and lost myself for a moment there. When I got my sense back I saw the hamster on the floor dead. i didnt stop there for some reason the 4th and 5th hamster died by jumping off dumb heights because I didnt look and keep an eye on them and the last hamster was the worst. Thinking back really frightens me.

 

the last thing I remember is a wrapped up hamster with a white cloth. Trying to see if the hamster would find its way out and be smart. But for some reason I just lost it. I threw the cloth down cos i was just too stressed and the cloth started getting soaked in blood. I unraveled the cloth and saw the hamster dead with its little nose gone and its face disarranged. I'm hoping that writing here would let me express my guilt and my secret that nobody I know would see this and know that I'm a...murderer

 

I dont have a hamster anymore and I dont wish to have one for I fear their deaths alothough I really do think of them as cute little helpless creatures. Maybe i'm just not old and mature enough to have one but even if i were, I wouldnt want to feel quilty again. Maybe I will face my fear one coming day though... I'm just not sure when

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