I am just different

Why nobody does accepts the fact that there can be a girl who doesn’t believe in love. Well there can be one and that’s me.

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21. The reality never hides

 

How many times do we read the words 'world falling apart' but it's only the times like this that make us realize what it really means.

Serenity which appears a blessing before, at the blink of the eye turns into a frenzied blankness, undaunted even by the sound of the cell that slips your hand and cracks open. Your mind shuts so hard that you don't even get to hear the sound of your own heartbeat... and then suddenly, that is ALL you hear.

We try to avoid, we try to negate every rational argument that comes in our mind.

But at last we realize, the reality never hides,

And it comes right in front of you, with tears in her eyes, "I... I'm sorry Nil."

The words furiously echoed in my mind as I stumbled towards the room. Denying myself to think anything ahead, I tentatively pushed the colorless door, every beat of my heart feeling like a lightning strike on my chest. All the past images of Sam and me fighting, wrestling, hitting each other flashed before my eyes and made the hole even bigger.

Spending my Sunday afternoons like this was sort of a habit of me, lying on the floor with books all around. It's not like I don't wanna have fun you know. I do like to hang out and go see movies, but like my mum says, 'EDUCATION is important,' so I try my best to find the little balance.

I put my hands up, they're playin' my song The butterflies fly away I'm noddin' my head like "Yeah!" Movin' my hips like "Yeah!"

"What the..." Peeving I looked up and saw Sam switching on the freaking idiot box. Okay, it might not look that idiotic when I watch it, but it WAS at that time.

"Sam, can't you see I am studying here?!"

"In fact I CAN," he carelessly said, "so focus there," motioning towards my books. Grabbing the remote he slightly kicked my books off his way and came to sit on the sofa. "MuM!" I screamed, "Mum!" But why would she answer? "Mum mum mum," he narrowed his eyes, "It's your favourite line, isn't it?" "No, actually it's yours, mum's tail," I spat, "Now, MUM!"

"What?!" She called from kitchen. "I am trying to study here and he is watching TV, full volume!" "Well, why is she studying here?" He butted in, "Go study in your room." "I will study wherever I want to, moron!" "Nil! Careful with your mouth, he is your big brother."

"Really? Well doesn't look like one," I scowled, getting irritated, "To me he looks like a freaking kid on the TV rush." "And she looks like a freaking hippo, ready to jam her giant stomach in my head." "That doesn't even make sense, you idiot," I retorted, feeling a bit offended, "And oh, you have a head, hah, funny."

"At least bigger than YOU, me me me meouse," He blinked his eyes innocently, "And calling me funny, hehe, go see a mirror first. Teeth like a mouse, fat like a hippo, you should be in a circus, not here... oh wait, you were in the circus but then mom brought you here, didn't she?" And then answered his own question, "Yes, she did."

Did I say a bit offended, scratch that...

Now, think of a number, add fifteen thousand two hundred eighty, subtract seventy five, then add how far sun is from earth, multiply it with infinity and THAT'S how much I am offended right now! "Aww... now she will say, Mum!! Bohohohoo." He said mocking me and I shouted at the top of my lungs, "Mum!"

"Shut up you two," She scolded, coming out of the kitchen, "And you, turn the volume down. I know you have nothing to do with studies, but when she is studying; you better keep it down, mister,"

"Yes! Yes, yes! I told you do not mess..."

I tried very hard not to let the inside joy escape my mouth but couldn't help a small, little, tiny smile of victory. He stared at me angrily and I stuck my tongue at him as he turned the volume down. Instructing us for no more fights, she went back in the kitchen and I to my battle with that stupid... numerical actually. I couldn't even start writing first line when felt someone hit my leg.

Putting my pen down, I turned around to look at Sam, "Do you really wanna die?!" but he didn't look.

"Why did you hit me," I asked glowering and without giving me a glance, he replied, "You hit me first," "Mind me telling when?" "You hit me, I hit you, we are even. Now, shut up." "Wha.... oh wait," Suddenly I realized what exactly he was up to. I actually never hit him. I must have accidentally touched his feet or something while I was busy solving, and right there he got an excuse to take out his anger.

"You are so on." Narrowing my eyes, I huffed and turned back to my books but hey, who was concentrating on those books eh! All I was waiting for was an itsy bitsy touch. He may be careful now, but very soon he will be busy in his MTV and that is all I want, grrr.

And for the first time, my luck was with me. I didn't even have to wait for two minutes to get what I wanted for-so-like-ever. As soon as he leaned to grab the remote that was lying on the table his feet touched mine and a huge smile crept on my lips. I got up from my laying position, turned around and smilingly, smacked his arm.

"Aaaoo," He looked at me shocked, but immediately hit me back, then I hit him again and he hit me back. It went on for few minutes before we heard mom's exasperated sigh, "What will you guys do after my death?" She was standing behind us near dining table and was now staring at us, "Kill each other?!"

In seconds, we both stopped and were then looking at her face. "What's wrong with YOU now?" Dan frowned, "Getting influenced by her." "You are not kids anymore," She groaned, "Grow up!!"

I noticed she was looking very tired, so I got up and went near her. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I tried to flash my thoughtfulness, "Mum, you are working too much, you need to rest,"

"Rest, and who will cook, you?"

"Okay, maybe not me," I let out a 'O my god, I got caught,' laugh and wrinkled my nose, "Sam is for that and as of right now, you are going to bed. You definitely need some sleep" With that I went behind her and started pushing her towards the stairs.

"Nil, stop it," She said resisting every step, "Nil!! I haven't finished anything yet."

Suddenly, she turned around and started going in kitchen but I quickly grabbed her and again placed my arm around her shoulder, "Mum, one hour won't kill you. Now come on."

But what did I know then..

"Fine, and you go study in your room. He won't let you study here," She said watching Sam again getting busy in TV.

"Okay," I said and looked at him irritatingly. As soon as she went up, he turned around with the winning smile on his lips and I so wanted to rip it off his face. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my books and went upstairs. Tucking mom in, I closed the door and went to my room.

A rush of wind blew my hair back as I opened the door and made me look outside the window. The sun had settled behind the horizon, leaving coldness to stream in. Throwing my books on the bed, I grabbed my shawl off the desk, wrapped it around and went to close the window. Removing the curtains, I was about to shut the panel when was struck by the view.

The sky outside was dark; with a strip of orange bordering it. Birds were flying together moving towards their destination, freely and happily. The whole atmosphere was calm and hushed.

After the hubbub of a cheerful Sunday morning, it was time for the sluggish evening to sprawl and the streets were quiet, everybody inside their house, preparing for another Monday morning blues.

The cold air gushing in made me shiver, breaking the trail of my thoughts and a smile spread on my lips as I stood there, enjoying the silence.

"Nil, you kay... Nil."

Troy's quiet whisper brought me back and I craned my neck to look at him. Placing his hand on my shoulder with concern, he gave me an assuring smile and slowly pushed the door. The goose-bumps I felt then were also present today, but the only difference was that my heart used to be stronger those days...

As the door slowly opened and a dark room came in my view, my breathing started pacing. Little hint of morning glow was appearing in the room and I could make out some of my friends. Seeing them there, my heart sank further in anticipation.

Is he really...

but right then with a loud 'BooM' everyone shouted, "SURPRISE!"

Wha.. What, why?

Someone switched the lights on and my eyes blinked adjusting to the sudden brightness. I still was a little confused, not getting what exactly was happening when the ones standing in front started parting. My gaze followed the gap and when they finally stopped, my hand rose to cover my mouth, "Oh crap!!"

At first I couldn't believe my eyes. I stood fixed near the door, not moving an inch. I was too afraid to break the dream if it really turned out to be one. I had to pinch myself just to realize it was not a dream.

It really WAS Dan's face, smiling like a sunshine and my head fell back, gasping, "Oh my God!"

I could hear everyone's laughter as I stood there with my face hidden in my palm. This might just be the most unbelievable moment of my life and I needed a second, just a second. Slowly raising my eyes I looked up at Sam, who was clearly enjoying my condition. The sluggish morning rays peeping from the window fell on his face, brightening it and I stared, totally amazed. He never appeared handsome to me, ever, but today even when his body was bundled in tubes and wires, I could understand why Rachel use to blush.

With a weak smile on my face, I shook my head, "I hate you!!" and then turned, pushing the girl standing beside me, "And you too." "Aww.." Rachel cooed and started giggling, "Not my fault kay, I already said 'I am sorry', remember..." and made a face which left me smiling feebly. How would she know what I went through, what havoc her one phone call wrecked on me.

The pain must have appeared on my face coz the very second, someone whispered in my ear, "Relax beautiful." And a full-fledged smile spread on my lips. "Will you ever stop?" I said, turning and saw him grinning like a total douche, "On one condition."

"And that will be?" "Say yes for a date with me." Uh, typical Chris.

"Why do I even ask, hmm?" I said grinning as he hugged me tightly, "And by the way my answer is still... NO."

He backed his head, staring incredulously, "I think you are on your way of making a record 'breaking Chris's heart the max number of time." He said patting his chest dramatically, "But one day I WILL go out with you, and that's... sure." I was totally taken aback when he winked flirtatiously. What has gone into him? Leaving me stunned, he went away laughing and someone else tapped on my shoulder. Wondering, I was about to turn back when a melodious voice chimed in the air,

"Nice to finally see you happy."

Whirling around, my eyes met another pair of dark brown gazing deep down into my soul and suddenly, I was speechless. Up this close, it looked even darker than usual and for a moment I just stared. It was when someone called my name that I realized the stupidity, and snapped. I was now looking dead ahead, but he was still looking at me.

Trying my best not to reveal anything on my face, I cautiously peeked at him from the corner of my eyes and caught him turning away while scratching his head. He looked sweet at that moment and before my lips could stretch into a smile, forget about smile, before it could even twitch, my eyes widened in horror as I saw Rachel standing just behind him, swaying and mouthing, "Cuuuute!!"

She had her eyes closed; pretending to be in bliss when suddenly Nate spun round. "Rachel?" He asked and her eyes burst open, "Uh-huh."

She nervously looked side by side, and then towards me. I quickly glanced away as soon as he looked at me, and then turning around as if I am seeing her for the first time, I said, "Rachel, what are you doing here?" Then cursed at my own question. Anybody will know what is she doing here, she is your best friend, dammit.

Narrowing her eyes at me, she waved, "Hey Nate," and kept staring at me, "And my non-bailout friend." The way she said that made me giggle a little and Nate looked between us one by one, totally confused and then nodded, "Hey." Without saying anything further, Rachel went away, leaving Nate somewhat irritated, "Weird girl."

Realizing we were again alone, my smile evaporated and I found myself getting really nervous. The scene started flashing in my head, remember the one where he... kissed me on the cheek, yeah that one as I twiddled my fingers.

"Anyway," Clearing his throat, he started, "Congrats.. I guess."

Smiling, uhh... smiling I mean, cough smiling, he leaned and gave me a hug, well that's at least what HE meant, which became very awkward, thanks to that girl.

Just imagine a scene where someone is trying to hug you and you are continuously backing, and at last he surrenders just by patting your shoulders. She made me so conscious that I was even afraid of hugging him. Don't know from where she'll drop like a bat and start swooning again.

"Thanks," I said, gulping. My throat was suddenly dry and I couldn't understand why. Okay yeah, in dashing blue jeans, green shirt and a white jacket, he WAS looking... flawless but that's not a reason for me to go crazy, maybe it was also her deed. She might have done some voodoo or something. Can never trust Rachel.

My gaze was fixed on the ground when he snapped his fingers in front of my face, making me look up, "You know what." He leaned and again, I backed, what is wrong with me?!

"You were better off without me, didn't you?" "What...no, I mean... why?!" "Coz at least you were smiling!"

He said faking his anger, and that successfully made my lips stretch. As he backed, he touched my cheek with a finger, "That one," [{Note - I have absolutely NO idea why he has become this touchy-touchy, I sometimes myself wonder what the :/ }] and left, leaving me gaping at his back.

"Ugh, the only thing missing in the picture is saliva dripping from your mouth," Troy shitted in, "That would have been a perfect puppy droolin -." Realizing I was giving him the death glare, he cut short, "IF your highness gets time from all of your... them," He gritted looking at Nate and then back at me, "Go meet your brother,"

"crap ," I slapped my head. In between all of them, it totally missed my mind that I haven't actually met Sam. Hurriedly, I moved when almost inaudibly, or maybe I just made it up.. but I really think I heard Troy saying, "Exactly, he IS rubbish," Sighing, I ignored his randomness and rushed towards Sam.

When I finally reached near his bed, he was talking to Rachel. Overlooking the difference that I felt in his ways, I spoke, "Hey."

They almost jumped hearing me. Excusing herself quickly, Rachel scurried away. As I watched her going, Sam grumbled in a low voice, "Finally you got time for me, huh?" "Sorry," I gave him an apologizing look and came to sit beside him, "So... how are you feeling?" "Better." He smiled and nodded, "But it still hurts... in speaking," "Oh sorry!" I said, getting tensed, "Don't speak then, I don't want you to -" Cutting me off, he reached for my forehead and started touching it.

"What?!" "You ok?" He asked looking serious. "Yeah, why?" "No it's just that." He shook his head, "In last ten seconds you have said things that you haven't in last... sixteen years, and that also twice."

Looking at him suspiciously, I asked, "Whaaaat?" 'SORRY,' he said and started snickering, "So I thought you must be sick or something." "Sam!" I whined as he wrinkled his nose to tease me. Scoffing, I got up and turned to leave, but he quickly caught my hand, "Oh come on," And pouted, "Won't you give your dying brother a hug." And that ticked me off.

I whirled back and slapped his head, "Shut up and... fine, but only coz you insist." He sarcastically raised his brows as I leaned to hug him and I smacked him again. Wrapping my hands around his shoulder made me totally forget that we were just fighting, he was only my brother then, not a shithead who keeps irritating me and I hugged tightly.

"Yeah, kill me, won't you?" He said wiggling in my arms and my shoulder fell. I started backing when he suddenly tightened his grip, laughing out loud, "Missed you fatty," His giggles made me smile too and I spoke softly, "Me too."

"Really?" He asked as we parted and I smiled even bigger, "Yes," and right then when I was thinking we were going nice, he raised his hand and knocked my teeth, "So what's in it to smile." And left me wailing. Swearing I won't EVER hug him again, I got up and left stomping.

The room was too crowded with people all around and I needed silence to grasp everything that happened so fast. Half hour from now I was eating a very early breakfast with Troy and now, so much changed, as if nothing ever happened in the first place. Feeling thirsty, I realized I didn't even get the time to drink water back at home. That call just shook me up and left me... devastated will be the word to use.

But, all's well that ends well, right?

Or so do I hope, but right now I need water With that, I thought of going to canteen. Crossing the lobby, I reached the elevator area that was at the end of it and saw Troy already waiting there. He was leaning against the wall; eyes closed and head tilted back, looking totally exhausted.

I sometimes do tend to forget other people's pain when myself am facing it, and it was only now that I was seeing he must be equally tired. Right that Sam was my brother, but he was HIS best friend too. Remembering how tensed he was last day, strangely I felt a little sad for him.

Contemplating inside, whether I should or not, I gave in, "You ok?" In response he opened his eyes, looking a bit surprised, "Uh.. yeah."

Nodding slightly, I too started waiting for the elevator to come down when straightening, he asked, "Met him?" "What.. oh yeah, you?" "Uhm, he was... a bit busy so I left him alone." My brows narrowed as I glanced at him. He didn't even meet him? Why?! After a bit of silence, I added, "He is doing fine by the way," and his lips curled up just a little, "Didn't I tell you."

"Yeah," I smiled back. The silence encased us and my heart started pacing. There was something I wanted to say but as if my lips were glued, it just stayed together. After much of an effort I started, "Troy," and he looked at me, "Huh?"

Scratching my neck, I said, "I.. wanted to say that.. uhm, you know, that I... I mean, OMG" I breathed, "I just wanna say... thanks."

His lips twitched and suddenly he started looking up and down and both of his sides. "What are you doing?" I frowned.

"No, it's just that, I think my ear is buzzing," He said, putting a finger in his ear and shaking it, "I am hearing some... noises -" "Oh drop it already," I crossed my arms across my chest, "You very well know that I said it." "But I can't make out what. By the way you said what?!" He asked me seriously and for a second, even I got confused, "Thanks..?!"

"What?" He asked again, "I couldn't hear you." "I said... thanks?!" "Come again," He asked, "No seriously, I really can't hear you," and that was when I saw his smile. Playing along, I said, "Oh I am saying... wait," and motioned him to come near. After a bit of hesitation, eventually when he did, I went near his ears and shouted, "THANK YOU!"

Jumping up a mile, he stumbled back. Placing his hand on his ear, he gaped in disbelief and anger. Shaking his earlobe, he moved his jaw in chewing manner, keeping his stare fixed at me. When he finally calmed, he opened his mouth to say something when I positioned my hand on my waist and stared.

"Calm down hyper," he scoffed, "I was just asking why exactly did you make me deaf?" and I stared blankly.

"I mean for what did I own this ENORMOUS pleasure?" He said sarcastically and I snapped. I thought he again started making fun of me but looking at him, I saw seriousness in his eyes. That gutter head really didn't have an idea of why I said thanks so calming down, I uttered quietly, "For everything... that you did for me."

Suddenly he raised from his slouching position and looked away. Leaning a bit, I saw him gulping and a small smile appeared on my lips. He looked nervous, and this was the first time I was seeing the Mighty Troy getting shy.

Not letting the chance slip by, I said, "Oooh, I didn't know you were a shy boy," and couldn't help but grin. "What... no, I'm... I'm not," He tried to say sternly but his voice cracked in the middle. Glancing again at his red face, I sniggered, "Of course not."

The corner of his lips twitched as he desperately tried to suppress his smile and that cracked me. Right then the elevator came and I went in, shaking my head. Lift started going down, and we both again fell quiet.

After few seconds, he suddenly faced me and asked, "You really didn't like it?" "Huh, what? I asked, confused. "Oh, I was talking about pancakes?" I gazed in disbelief, "You still hung there?!"

"Yeah well," he shrugged, "Nobody has ever said that my cooking is bad, my pancakes are legend." "Oh really, Where? In the graveyard." "Just answer the damn question." "Oh lord!!"

Okay so let's see, all these times, when Sam couldn't, it was his car I was traveling in. He was the one who was picking me up and then dropping me back home. I know not becoz WE were best buddies but even for Sam, he WAS doing it all. Then he even tried to console me a bit yesterday, though it turned out more of irritating but yeah, and after all this, he did make the breakfast this morning. So I think I should tell him the truth and equalize the favors.

Staring ahead, I tentatively said, "It was... fine."

"Just fine?" He said and started inching towards me. There was only the two of us in the lift and I started feeling suspicious about his intentions. Who knows he might just kill me and throw somewhere.

Backing inch by inch, I fumbled, "What are you...doing?" I raised my hand, "HEY!! stay there," But that didn't stop him. He kept coming closer and I kept backing, "What the.. stay away you freak!!" I shouted and as if what I said ticked him, he took a long step. I hurried backwards, "Oh my god," and found myself pressed against the elevator wall, "Shit!" I cried under my breath. Taking one more step, he towered me and I was left staring at his chest. Man, I AM short

Gingerly raising my eyes to look at his traffic head, I blurted, "WHAT?!" and in response, he only raised an eyebrow. Okay, I knew what exactly he was asking but oh plz, how can I praise him? Seeing me quiet, he spoke, "Do you wanna say anything else?" and I shook my head, "No,"

"Really?!" With that, he started leaning and my breath suddenly got caught in my throat. What is going to do...

"Wait," I blurted, looking suspiciously at him, "Are you really going to kill me?" and he broke into a devilish smirk, "No, I'm not going to kill you," He said in a husky voice, "I'm just going to... kiss you."

 

                           *                                                      *                                                    *                                             * Everything happens for a reason, people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, and sometimes good things fall apart.. so better things can come together...

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