I am just different

Why nobody does accepts the fact that there can be a girl who doesn’t believe in love. Well there can be one and that’s me.

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14. Disgusted

"Are you sure there is no one else we can talk to? What about Sam?"

"I don't think he, he is.. not well," I said looking down at my feet. Sitting in this big white room filled with strong smell of medicines, my heart was thumping crazily. Morning sunrays were dazzling the room, but my heart was still engulfed in the horror of last night.

On the other side of the table sitting there was Dr Pepper, who was being little hesitant in telling me what happened to Mum, "What about your other family members?"

"Our.. grandparents died couple of years ago and my mom is a single child,"

"Yeah but," He shuffled through the file, "Jane gave us three names to contact when she came here for previous checkups,"

"Previous checkup?"

"Yeah," He looked up, "She even came here last Friday. Even then I asked her not to take so much of stress but...." "Last Friday," How can I be so ignorant? It was quite obvious she was not feeling well, but I-I completely ignored it. I was so busy cursing Troy that I-

"Nil, NIL!!" His voice snapped me out, "Who is Stephanie?"

"ahm.. she is.. , she is our aunt,"

"Is there any way we can talk to her?"

"I don't know where she is? We don't have any contact for the past", I rubbed my head trying to remember, "I don't know, three years," I shook my head, "It's complicated."

 

Looking at her, serenely lying in the bed like nothing happened; tears started welling in my eyes. Few days ago we were a perfect happy family and now everything was falling apart right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything. Wiping my tears off before they could trickle down, I looked around the room she was shifted in this morning.

It was a medium-sized room with an en suite bathroom on the fourth floor of hospital. A blue sheeted bed with a side table in the middle, a three-seater couch cum bed decorating the corner and a 46" Bravia mounted on the wall was ought to snatch a fancy price and I was not even sure for how long her Health insurance money was going to cover it all. It had already been three days and she was still unconscious. Nobody knew how long it was going to take her to come back.

Sitting on the couch, I blankly stared at ceiling as the words, "That's not the worst" hammered in my head. It was echoing in my head since the day I came out of Doctor's chamber that day. CVA was what the doctor said mum suffered.

He looked at me with concern, "You will have to understand that your mum is not going to get up one day and start leading her regular life. There has been permanent damage to brain cells, so a total return to her pre-stroke status will not necessarily be possible," I felt like losing it all as he was trying to explain what it meant. Every word felt like nails slowly being hammered in my heart.

"We can't exactly tell you what will be the impact but anything can happen. It might be temporary or permanent," Standing beside me, he put his hand on my shoulder, "You will need a lot of courage and patience to face it all. It will be better if you tell Sam-"

"NO..," I said in a broken, low sigh, "please don't tell him about this, not now. I will tell him later," Resting my head in my palm, I sighed audibly, "WHY, why us?" This was not meant to happen; this was not what I imagined my life to be.

"How is she?" A concerned voice came from behind me. I craned my neck to see Troy sitting next to me. This was the first time he was talking to me since our little fight. He used to come every day and spend time with Sam but never once tried to talk to me before.

"She will have to be alright," I said, my gaze fixed at her. He stared at me from corner of his eyes for few seconds before looking around, "Where is Sam?" "Bathroom," I leaned back in the couch.

After couple of minutes of complete silence he asked, "How is HE doing?" "Better...," I heaved a sigh. I felt hot tears budding behind my eyes and shifted myself to look outside the window. The sun was setting down, letting the darkness sprawl inside and outside.

"Have you told him yet?" He asked in a low voice. I snapped my head at him, surprised, "About what?" He stared at me intently, "You know what?" "How did you....," I mumbled nervously as I sat up, "Please don't tell Sam,"

"Nil, you and I both know what's coming?" He leaned closer and whispered, "Don't you think it's better if he is prepared?"

"But he is already...." Bathroom door opened with a thud, cutting me off. We quickly shifted our conversation to school and the rehearsals I was missing, as Sam entered the room. He smiled at us and my heart sulked.

How am I ever gonna tell him?

 

I remember the first night when Sam and I entered the house after mum's accident. All the memories flooded back, making us shiver. The emptiness was killing and the house felt unused for ages when it had only been four days. Everything was engulfed in darkness, perfectly matching our mood.

I switched on the lights halfheartedly and looked at Sam expecting him to be all sullen and morose, but to my surprise he smiled. He grabbed my hand and said, "We can do this Nil, we can do this," and then hugged me tightly. Laying my head on his shoulder, I knew tough times were tapping on the door, I knew our life was going to be difficult from now on but that couldn't slow me or my family. We have got to move on and we WILL move on

The next day, I decided to resume my school life. I knew mom would have never wanted me to miss school and other than that, there was nothing to do in hospital anyway. Until she regain her consciousness, we could only stare at her swaddled in tubes and wait.....

Walking through the hallway, I could feel eyes staring at me. Some of them where sympathetic and some were practically saying, "She got what she deserved," but who cared, at least I didn't. If people can make fun of Tsunami in Japan, they can most certainly of my pain. Last night was quiet and long, and I wasn't able to sleep so I went online and that's when I came to know about this disastrous news. I was checking you tube when I read some comments that were literally thanking god for the catastrophe. I don't know about god, but it pains me when I see people not understanding each other.

Lost in my thoughts I made my way to the locker room. I was stuffing my books in when the two girls saw me. They came running and hugged me at the same time, making me stumble a little, "Calm down," Finally they loosened their grip over an almost choking me and launched their questions at me. "No matter what happens, they will never change. Same old chirpiness," I thought and a smile crept on my lips.

"Why are you smiling?" Mollie asked as I closed the locker. I rolled my eyes, "Nothing," and hung my hand over their shoulder as we walked towards our classes.

I was painting my nails with the ink pain, lost in thoughts, when the bell rang. It was not what you can call a nice day in school for me. I couldn't concentrate in a single class, every time I tried my mind drifted back to mom and tears stung behind my eyes. I didn't even realize when all the classes finished and it was already the last one, Drama class. I groaned at the thought of Miss B and sluggishly got up. I grabbed my bag, hunched it over my shoulder and sauntered towards the auditorium, unwillingly.

I opened the door and everybody turned to look at me, thanks to my snail's pace I was late. Most of the students were already seated and Miss B was babbling about something. I smiled embarrassed and looked for a seat when saw Sarah waving at me. As I took the seat next to her, I noticed Troy was on the other side but I couldn't care less. In the past four days, we didn't exactly become best buddies but at least we learned how to bear each others presence.

"What are you doing here; shouldn't you be in your physics class?" I asked her as I sat down and placed my bag on my lap. "Schedule change, thanks to Miss B," She grumbled, "And oh! I forgot to tell you in the hospital, we are going to stay longer than usual. She is taking extra hours,"

"What?! Then how am I gonna-"

"Miss Nil," Miss B shouted from across and I almost jumped up. "I sympathize with what happened to you and your family but don't test my patience. You have already missed four days of rehearsals and now when you finally appeared; you are busy in talking,"

"Sorry, Miss B," I mumbled looking down at my feet.

"I don't want apology or any other excuses. Tough time comes but that doesn't mean we should stop doing everything else," She was now standing near our seat, "For an actor, the most important in his or her life is stage, that's where he dream, that's where he live, that's where he-"

"She GOT it!!!" Troy snorted and the frown on his face was clearly showing his irritation, "Can we move on now, if the definition of actor is finished,"

"Yeah well," She backed a few steps, "So I was saying...."

As she walked back to stage, I took my phone out, flung it open and started typing message to Sam to pick me up around 5 o'clock. Before I could finish someone nudged me. I irritatingly looked up and found Troy shaking his head mouthing 'unbelievable' and I frowned. He looked at me and then behind me, and that's when I felt someone staring at me from behind. I craned my neck, cursing inside, and met her disappointed eyes. I looked at the basket hanging in her hand and that meant my cute blue cell phone was going to be taken away for who knows how many hours, she might never return me.

"But I was-"

"I said no excuses," She strictly said and I sighed. I switched it off and put it in the basket. As she went, Rachel leaned in, " She already took mine,"

"What's wrong with her?" I groaned.

"Madam, you messed with the love of her life," she said and I blinked few times, "this play, dumbo," I hit her and we both started snickering, careful enough not to get caught again. After all those exhausting hours, I was finally feeling a bit relaxed. Miss B went on with her lecture on the play and after few minutes, someone tapped on my shoulder from behind. I turned around, keeping one eye on Miss B and saw Nate, offering his mobile.

I am telling you, something was wrong. Whenever I sat somewhere, I always found myself surrounded by these three four people making me uncomfortable like hell. "Whatever," I quickly grabbed it and turned back. Without even looking down once, I typed only god knows what, and sent to Sam.

God finally showed mercy to me and Miss B went outside. "Thank you," I smiled and gave him his cell back. "It's alright," He grinned, "Why are friends for?"  cough, cough friends

"I heard about your mom," He suddenly turned serious, "I really sorry," "Yeah," I smiled a little. "I wanted to come to hospital bu-" "Then why didn't you?" Troy scoffed. I glared at him in incredulity and he turned to look at me, narrowing his eyes like "What?!" I mouthed, "Shut up,' and threw an apologizing smile at Nate, "You can still come, she is not yet discharged,"

Miss B came back and rest of the rehearsals went fine, mind it, I said 'fine' not good. I didn't know why but every once a while Troy WAS opening his stinking mouth, pestering me and making me angrier. He even called me 'mouse' once, in front of everybody. My breath literally stuck in my chest for few... minutes actually before I realized nobody heard it and coughed it out.

But don't worry; he did get what he deserved. I am pretty sure he is going to have that bruise for a long time. Uh-uh I didn't punch him, man I don't know what that Bee would have done to me then, I only hit his leg, GENTLY.

When Sam came to pick me up later I was in better mood, and my happiness doubled when I saw him smiling. He was definitely doing better and I was so relieved to find that I no more needed to take that much care of him. I could completely focus on mom now.

Little beads of sweat are beginning to appear on my forehead as I look down the hundreds of feet. I feel like my chest is getting heavy and I gasp for air. I look at him, pleadingly but he doesn't do anything. He is not going to save me, but if he has to let me fall, why isn't he just doing it? Why is he making this so difficult for me? If I have to die then let me die. Don't make it more painful than it already is.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask him but he doesn't answer. He looks like staring at me but nothing is clear in this cloudy night.

"I don't wanna die?" words are barely coming out of my mouth. This time I wait for him to reply, and finally he does, hoarsely

"Doesn't matter what you want," Wow! His voice is... so... sexy,

I look at him and say, "If you have to kill me then KILL me?" "Sshh...Do you wanna live?" "Yes," "Then beg," "Well that's not gonna happen," I say sternly. He IS gonna kill me, no matter what so I am not going to beg him, "I don't wanna die, but I am not afraid of dying," "Then be ready," "I AM ready," I look at him intensely, "but I am not going let you have the pleasure either," and with one thrust, I pull my hand away.

It must have sent a shock wave through him because with a shudder he moved forward to grab me. Even the moon who was hiding until now, peeked from behind the clouds letting the moonlight hit his startled face.

"ahhhh....." With one jolt, I stood up. I looked around, blinking few times trying to recall where I was, "hospital..," I sighed, and plopped myself down on the couch. After few minutes of tossing and turning, I groggily got up and walked to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face, "What a creep?" I said to myself in the mirror, "crawling into my dreams now," A droplet of water slid down to my chin and I wiped it with my fingers, still lost in my thoughts, "His voice is not even sexy,"

"Whose voice are we talking about....."

I jumped up at the sudden intruding and turned around to bump right into Troy. He quickly caught me by my waist to keep me from falling, "You like melting in my arms, don't you?" What?! "You are crap," I slapped his hand hard making him wince, "Easy there twiggy," He growled and went to look at himself in the mirror. He was doing that thing boys do with their hair that I have no idea about when I hissed, "Don't you knock?"

Without looking at me he said, "Don't you lock?"

"Argh.." I stomped my feet and rushed out of the bathroom. Suddenly a superb idea came in my mind and I smiled devilishly. I turned around, walked back to the bathroom door and locked it from outside, "I do lock Troy," I shouted as he started to bang on the door. I had no intention of locking him forever but few minutes wouldn't have killed him so I went out to the hospital canteen to grab a bottle of water and thought when I would return, I would unlock him.

I was talking to the nurses when my eyes grew bigger, "CRAP!!" I jumped out of the chair, "I completely forgot," I glanced at the clock and slapped my head, "15 minutes," Running as fast as I could, I came back to the room. When I entered, I noticed the bathroom door was still locked but there was no banging, "Maybe someone heard him and opened it already,"

I slowly opened the door and peeked inside. My heart came in my mouth when I saw he was still there. Eyes closed, he was leaning against the wall, "I hope he doesn't kill me," I gulped down my saliva and said, "Hey Troy,"

I bit my nails as his eyes fluttered open. He looked at me fiercely. "Sorry," I said in between my continuous nail chewing. He kept looking at me for few seconds then suddenly lunged for my throat. "Whoa," I quickly ran back into the room, "Sorry man!!" I said coming into a defensive position.

"Sorry!! I almost died in there," He yelled, his face was red with anger. "I didn't mean to," I whined, "They started talking and I...kind of...forgot" I scratched my head, trying to hide my amusement. I thought of irritating him a tiny bit more so I pouted and batted my eyelashes at him.

"Don't play that with me," He ran after me, "I am not your Nate,"

"Troy No!!" I started running frantically in the room, "I said sorry IDIOT!!" He almost caught me when someone interfered,

"Everything Ok,"

Both of us snapped to look at the Doctor standing at the door. "Umm..Yeah," I stuttered and thanked god inside.

"Okay," He smiled, "Nil can you come with me, we need to talk to you," His face was quite serious and my heart suddenly sank in anticipation, "Is everything all right Doctor?"

"Why don't you come in my chamber and then we will talk," He smiled slightly, "and it will be better if you bring Sam with you this time," "But Sam is not here, he went to-" "Well then... you two come, we will discuss with him later," He left the room leaving us quite confused. I looked at Troy, not sure why HE needed to be there. I let a huge sigh out and followed him.

There were three doctors this time, one of them was a lady. They all were trying to tell me something that I was not ready to listen. My mind was literally spinning and I was not getting anything.

"This is not time to be emotional Nil, you will have to think practically," One of them said, "Even if Jane does survive her life will be no more than a mess,"

"What do you mean no more than a mess?" I asked angrily. Troy quickly grabbed my hand, "How can they say that?" I looked at him, tears stinging in my eyes. Dr Pepper interfered, "Nil, we mean that she may never be able to walk, talk, eat or do anything else. She will have to depend on you guys for each and everything, forever. And not only that, chances are that she won't even remember you or Sam,"

"I know this may sound cruel or heartless but Nil, you have your whole life in front of you," The lady doctor said, "Think what will happen when you will be off to college. Who will take care of her then? You may not think that her life can be a mess but one day, she WILL. We are just asking you to consider-"

I raised my hands as tears stained my face, "So basically what you are asking me is to give you the permission to kill my own MUM,"

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