Standard Night Out- The chronicles of Congo Bonaparte

Drink is never your friend!


1. Your name's not down..



"Seriously mate  I am ....." 


Congo struggled with his Brain to find the words... 


" SOBER!!! "  


Boom get in!  Congo 1 Brain 0


" You're covered in sick "


Grunted the door man.


"Its not MY sick !"  


Congo was on a roll two to nothing , Brain you're slacking bruv.  


Congo was a natural born raver. Give him some M kat, can of Stella and some Dubstep and he would dance like it was 1999.

The door man was gargantuous 6ft 5 inches of pure prime meat. He probably pushed Elephants instead of weights. His neck alone was thicker then both of Congo's thighs put together.


" I suggest you jog on son! Before I slap the shit out of you."


The look on the door man's face as he uttered those words was placid, chilled even.




responded Congo!


Brain 1 Congo 0


It was not fear that silenced Congo, his Brain had enough of his quick wit and it was pay back time baby!

Before the slap connected with Congo's soft cheeks he felt a surge of energy..... Well more like undigested Dona kebab race up his throat!


Brain 2 Congo 0


Everything was in slow motion. Congo demanded his right hand to move to intercept the projectile vomit jumping out of his mouth,but he ended up punching out at the door man instead.


Brain 3 Congo 0


Highly trained and sober the door man did a beautiful side step, he moved as elegant as a Gazelle. Cocked his massive hand and POW!

A wonderful sensation of the warm ocean filled the addled mind of Congo. Just like chilaxing in the pool at Ibiza Rocks hotel. While the golden sun sets on the horizon. Ahhhh good times.


As Congo developed the strength to open his eyes he realised he was not in an ocean, he was not back Ibiza, and he was most certainly not even in a pool.


" Shit he is waking up" a Young voice barked  "Run fucking RUN!"


The term golden shower was an understatement. It was a golden Monsoon! Congo dare not open his mouth to scream for fear of ingesting a mixture of four men piss.


Just another Standard night out....

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