The Mr Grudgedale Stories

Mr Grudgedale is a bad tempered old git, who gets himself in to all kinds trouble.


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2. Mr Grudgedale's New Neighbour

It was 6:30am and Mr Grudgedale was sound asleep in bed.  It was a sunny morning and the birds were minding their own business, tweeting in the trees.  Suddenly there was the roaring sound of a huge motor bike, pulling up outside.  Mr Grudgedale woke with a start, once he came round he hobbled over to the window.  Outside he saw a large figure dismounting a gleaming new, black, motor bike.  It suddenly registered in Mr Grudgedale's mind who this was outside his home.  It was Butch Mandoser, the man who Mr Grudgedale had been stuck in prison with for the night.  “Bah!” scorned Mr Grudgedale and he shuffled back to bed.  He started to nod off back to sleep when a noise aroused him back to full consciousness, it was the sound of an old van, rattling and screeching to a halt outside.  By this time it was 7:00am, Mr Grudgedale was furious, he went to his telephone and promptly dialled 999.  He spoke to a very dozy sounding police man.  “Sorry mate nothing I can do about, it's 7am people can do what they like at this time of day,” mumbled the police man.  “Ahhh!  Useless bloody police,” grumbled Mr Grudgdale as her slammed the phone down.  He wobbled over to the chair where he had left his dressing gown.  He then proceeded to the front door, once he had fixed on the dressing down.  He came out and started shouting.  “Will you bloody well keep the noise down?!”  He was waving his walking stick in the air as he shouted.  Butch marched over to him.  “Oh it's the old git from the prison cell, go in doors and mind your own business, or I'll shove that stick of yours where the sun don't shine!”  Butch bared his teeth and clenched his fists.  Mr Grudgedale promptly and very quietly went indoors.

A few hours later Mr Grudgedale heard the sound of an ice-cream van.  He looked at his clock and thought it was mighty strange that someone would be selling ice-cream at 9.30 in the morning.  He looked out the window, and to his astonishment he saw a lady in a carers uniform getting out of the van.  “Oh gawd blimey!” Muttered Mr Grudgedale.  She came skipping up his path and let herself in with his key safe.  “Hello my dear Mr Grudgedale,” she said brightly.  “Bah!” He spat.  “My name is Lily,” she giggled in a childlike manner.  “Yeah!  Well I'm George Grudgedale!  But to you it's Mr Grudgedale and nothing else, right?!” Said Mr Grudgedale firmly.  She smiled at him cheekily and walked off to his kitchen.  Mr Grudgedale did not notice that she had ice-cream hidden behind her back.  She came out of the kitchen with a cup of tea and a bowl full of the smooth, cold milky substance.  “What the bloody hell are you giving me this for?!” Mr Grudgedale exclaimed.  “It is better for you then corn flakes,” she said grinning.  “Yeah well, I like my bloody corn flakes for breakfast!”  He replied in a grumpy manner.  Her eyes twinkled naughtily but with much kindness, so Mr Grudgedale, despite being a miserable old sod, decided not to say another word.  He reluctantly ate his ice-cream and then Lily helped him have a wash.  After he had finished in the bathroom, he settled down in the chair to read the newspaper.  Muttering swear words to himself whenever he read something that annoyed him.  Suddenly there was the sound of very loud heavy metal being played from next door.  “Bloody Hell!”  Mr Grudgedale yelled.  He picked his stick up and started banging the wall.  “I have a plan, I will teach this man a lesson,” grinned Lily.  Butch had a huge party that day, there were motor bikes revving up outside, shouting, swearing and fights breaking out.  Mr Grudgedale turned his hearing off and sat there in an especially bad mood.

That evening Lily came back to help Mr Grudgedale in to bed.  The noise was starting to subside but it was still loud enough to be heard in the bedroom.  Lily left the house later and went on to her next service user.  At midnight she drove back to the road Mr Grudgedale was living in.  She got in to the back of the ice-cream van, and pulled a hose out of the box she had full of goodies that she intended to use to play tricks on people.  After attaching one end of the hose to the ice-cream dispenser, she got out the van and pulled the other end through the window.  Lily walked up Butch’s garden path and listened to make sure she could hear no sign that he was awake.  Then she opened the letter box and slid the hose through it.  Going back the ice-cream van, Lily looked back at the door and giggled.  She climbed in the back of the van and set the dispenser on full speed.  After doing so, she climbed in to the front of the van and fell asleep. At 5am Butch aroused and decided he needed a cup of tea, before going out for a ride on his motor bike.  He had sleep in his eyes and couldn’t see very well, proceeding down the stairs he did not see his hallway full of ice-cream.  When he got to the bottom step he slipped and landed on soft, wet stuff.  “What the hell?” Butch said to himself sleepily.  He managed to get on to his feet, and then noticed the hose through his letter box with ice-cream gushing from it.  Pulling the door open he saw the ice-cream van outside.  “Oi,” bellowed Butch.  Lily jumped and was soon starting the engine as she saw Butch marching up the garden path towards her.  She sped off as fast as the van would allow her.  The hose was dragging along the road outside.  She went home and sat down to recover from her little adventure.

That day Lily decided not to drive the van but a car.  This way Butch would not realise it was her who had filled his hallway full of ice-cream.  As she approached Mr Grudgedale’s house she laughed.  Butch was outside, with his front door open, shovelling the ice-cream out on to the front garden.  He was so busy that he was not making any disturbing noises.  She entered Mr Grudgedale’s house.  He was sound asleep; she opened the curtains and he woke up.  “Oh it’s you again,” he muttered.  Then he looked at his clock.  “Least that neighbour of mine is quiet today,” he said.  Lily smiled and winked at him.  “I know,” she grinned.  

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