The Mr Grudgedale Stories

Mr Grudgedale is a bad tempered old git, who gets himself in to all kinds trouble.


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1. Mr Grudgedale and The Riot

Mr Grudgedale

Mr Grudgedale was settling down for the evening in front of the television.  His carer had just left after making him his dinner and now he was puffing on a pipe, relaxed and watching the news.  England had been in a state of unrest for sometime now and things were starting to escalate.  The news presenter began to report on rioting that was taking place up and down the country. “And tonight we can report that the rioting has spread to Maclinton,”  said the presenter gravely.  They proceeded to show footage of the chaos taking place in the town centre.  “Bloody kids!” exclaimed Mr Grudgedale to himself.  Then came on the report that the rioters were looting.  At first Mr Grudgedale just got more annoyed but then an idea came to his mind.  He lifted himself out the chair, put on his old tweed sports jacket that he had kept for over fifty years, and hobbled out to his mobility scooter.  He sat down on the scooter, put his walking stick on the back and started the motor.  Then Mr Grudgedale drove off at full speed down towards the town centre.  When he got there he found the place in complete pandemonium.  But this did not worry Mr Grudgedale.

After stopping his scooter for a break and a quick puff on his pipe, he continued on to his planned destination.  He was heading to the chemist where he was going to put his idea in to action.  Once he reached there, he found a gang of teenagers trying to smash the window in.  “Ah you bloody kids!  You know nothing!” shouted Mr Grudgedale gruffly.  “Oh yeah grandpa” sniggered one of the teenagers hidden beneath a hoodie.  “Ah” spat Mr Grudgedale, he reversed his scooter right back.  After a few seconds to catch his breath Mr Grudgedale yelled, “get out of my way you goddam kids,” and threw the scooter in to full speed.  The teenagers watched speechlessly as Mr Grudgedale sped towards the window and smashed straight through it.  He quickly manoeuvred his scooter around the chemist until he found what he had come to loot.  He got off his scooter and started grabbing packets of incontinence pads off the shelves.  The now very impressed teenagers came in to the chemist and saw what he was doing.  They ran over and also started taking the packets and helped Mr Grudgedale load them in the basket on his scooter.  Once every packet of pads the store held was loaded on his scooter he drove off.

Once Mr Grudgedale got home his carer was due to help him in to bed.  He quickly put his scooter away, unpacked the pads, took off  his tweed jacket and sat in the chair as if he hadn't moved all evening.  His carer came and helped him, she suspected nothing.  That night Mr Grudgedale slept soundly.  The next morning when his carer came in, he was awake and ready to get up.  She made him his tea and was surprised to see he had a new stock of pads.  As she was about to help Mr Grudgedale in the bathroom the door bell rang.  She was shocked to find that behind the door were two police officers, they produced a search warrant and pushed past her.  “Who the bloody hell is that?!” bellowed Mr Grudgedale from the bathroom.  His carer tried to stay calm as she explained it was the police.  “Bah!  Tell them to get knotted,” grumbled Mr Grudgedale.  But before she had the chance, the police came in to the bathroom and arrested Mr Grudgedale. 

The police had the whole chemist incident on CCTV.  There was also fragments of glass left on Mr Grudgedale's scooter, so they had more then enough evidence to charge him.  He had to spend the night in prison with a man named Butch Mandoser.  Butch was a big and rather scary looking hells angel.  That one night in prison was the first time in Mr Grudgedale's life, that he realised it was better to stay quiet.

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