The Continuing Story Of Life, Love And Adventure In Undergarten The Town That Is Nearly A Village B

Once upon a time there was a very small town called Undergarten, it was nearly a village, but not quite. It's inhabitants worked hard to keep things ticking along just nicely, just the way they had always been. Just the way they intended to keep them.

Undergarten was first settled 600 years ago, by Lucien Undergarten, later the 1st Baron Undergarten. The last remaining member of the family, The Honourable Delphinia Undergarten, still resides at Undergarten Hall.

You won't find Undergarten on any maps, don't even think about typing it into your newfangled GPS thingumabob, for it is simply a place that has never been from a best forgotten past, timorously remembered. Oh and don't even mention the place that one should never mention, you know... shhh Nether Undergarten... no don't mention that... never. No.


1. Actually it's more like Chapter 37, but I suppose I had better start at the very beginning

"Well how utterly, utterly random..." said The Honourable Delphinia Undergarten as she looked out of her first floor laboratory window using her new invention of her muli-functional, multi-directional automatic distance reading monocular. "I can see Miss Stig-Poote and her dog on the moors, about 7 miles away according to the reading on my monocular and I do believe they are walking in circles... backwards!" she snorted. The laboratory was full of local dignitaries who all snorted in responose too. Sir Mungo Shullabub, the leading steam -powered vacuumist of the day, snorted so hard his false eyeball fell out, again. It rolled and bumped it's way along the uneven floorboards until it came to rest at the size 9 1/2 booted feet of Delphinia. The eyeball gazed up adoringly.


"For goodness sake man, have you no control over your eyeballs? Pick it up! I don't like the way it keeps looking at me!" Delphinia was outwardly repulsed, but inwardly flattered that at 53 she could still catch the eye of a younger man, even if Mungo was only 3 months her junior.


Mungo limped uneasily across the floor, he bowed slightly before Delphinia, picked up his eyeball and using his remaining good eye he examined it closely for fluff, dust and spittle. From his jacket pocket he pulled out a red flexible hose. One end of the hose was attached to a brown paper bag that bulged uncomfortably in his pocket. On the other end of the hose there was a small red button on which was written various settings and this was attached to a nozzle. Mungo turned it on. Nothing happened. Delphinia and the other dignitaries sighed a collective sigh, their shoulders drooped as they resigned themselves to the spectacle that was taking place before them. Mungo tried it again and...


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Meanwhile out on the moors Miss Jacinta Stig-Poote and her dog Arthur, were still walking in circles, backwards, dropping mint humbugs at regular intervals as they went on their way... Or are they back again... No, no they've gone... Oh hang on... Right.. Oh I see... In circles, yes I get it now...

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