Everything Changed

This story is in loving memory of my dad. Forever in our hearts.

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1. Emptiness

 

When they first told me, I didn’t understand the words. They were four simple words, but that day at that time the words lost all meaning. Separately, they made perfect sense but when put together, they fell to the ground, scattered. Just as scattered as I was. That afternoon I broke into thousands of pieces. Little did I know, I’d never be able to glue them all back together. Two little pieces would always be missing, because in my heart, I always saved two spots for you; as my father and as my best friend. It could never be any different and I never wished it to.

 

236. That’s how many knots are in my ceiling. If it didn’t feel like I was filled with cotton on the inside, I’d feel the mattress digging slightly into my skin. I’d feel my skin starting to get sore. I’d get restless. But I don’t feel any of that. The past week has been one big blur of agonizing emptiness. Who knew emptiness could cause this amount of pain? I never did. Not until it was impossible to escape from the knowledge which I had no intention of ever discovering; that nothing is as painful as emptiness. I know I should get up, but it feels as if my body has grown into the mattress and they’ve become inseparable.

 

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