The Gate

A story about first love.

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1. You and I

 

It’s been a long time since I last thought of you. Not that I never think of you – I do. But I mainly think about where you ended up. How you are now. Who you are now. And not so much about what we were.

 

We always had one of those on/off friendships with periods where we didn’t talk and periods where we couldn’t stop talking. When I told you that my dad used the song “Susan Skyblue” as a speech for my confirmation party, you stroke my cheek and said: “You’ll always be my Miss Skyblue”. After that day, I was always Miss Skyblue. We bought candy-bats that had a liqourice body and gummy wings, and we laughed when we found out, that both of us ate the body first and saved the wings for last. We labeled this The Real Way To Eat Candy-Bats. From that day on, I called you Mr. Bat. My Mr. Bat. We both wrote poetry, and when I shared mine with you, I felt naked. When you shared yours with me, I felt honored and whole. My poems were pompous about lost love, death and depression. You smiled at me with sadness in your eyes and said: “You of all people deserve happiness. My Miss Skyblue. I promise, I’ll make you happy”. When you looked at me, I knew you saw the real me. We were friends. The best of friends.

 

I don’t quite remember how we met or why, but knowing myself at the age of 14, we probably started chatting online. I remember writing with you a lot on MSN before we met. I remember the first time I saw you. Just about two years after we’d started writing. I lived in a suburb to Copenhagen, Brøndby, and you lived at the center on Frederiksberg. In Brøndby, there isn’t much to do, except when there’s a soccer match which almost always ended up with fights. We decided to meet on Frederiksberg station. Some would say, I was very reasonable for a 16-year-old and even though it sounded better, I knew that all of the reasonable things I ever did were out of pure anxiety. When I said I wanted us to meet in a public place, it was out of anxiety too. I felt that I knew you, but I’d been disappointed so many times before.

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