The Troll Wars: Anarchy

by
Samuel Coulduck
  • Published:
    22 Jun 12
  • On 2 favourite lists
  • 3912 views
Blurb World Of Warcraft Competition Entry: Zar'hn, a lowly axe-throwing Jungle Troll of the Gurubashi Empire, is thrown into the deep end of a war between unmatched forces, while potent, brooding individuals within the Empires of Amani themselves begin an experimental ritual that threatens the very existence of Troll life on Azeroth for good. Can Zar'hn take up axe and spear in a tireless attempt to throw caution to the wind and bring form justice for all Trollkin? Or will he burn in the mud and sod as the ideals of tyrants wash over the world like an unfettered plauge of pure Anarchy?
Approx 40 minutes to read


The Troll Wars: Anarchy

1. First Sight

Zar'hn always knew how throw an axe.

His earliest memories of his father and him hunting in the misty jungles of Stranglethorn Vale, weaving effortlessly through the trees, hurling shards of sharpened stone and taking down prey with blinding accuracy, had given him a skill that he prospered with. It was tangible, even physical to Zar'hn, the values his father had woven into him to create the tapestry of life, with threads of good morals at its core. He knew where to cut a beast, and could find a use for each part of its body, from nose to tail. Stranglethorn life was hard upon any creature: In a place where a basilisk could turn you into a brilliant diamond statue, or a raptor that would chase you down and devour you, accuracy and speed were prized as gifted traits, and the nomadic Trolls knew the jungles back to front because of that. They knew that a crocolisk has a hard time opening its cavernous jaws if it is trapped shut, and which snakes provide a variety of horrible diseases to their victims. All this collective knowledge funneled down into Trolls like Zar'hn, who knew exactly how to survive in such a inhospitable enviroment, and, if anything, prosper because of it.

He was a typical Jungle Troll: strong but slight, to move better between the low hanging branches and rough undergrowth. He had long pointed ears that allowed him to pick up on danger before it tore him in half and swallowed him. A pair of two-toed feet propelled him forward with speed, and strong forearms allowed him to hurl spears and axes with blinding speed and precision.

But he had been told of new creatures that confused him to no end. Warlord Ju'un, of the blessed Amani empire, had drummed Zar'hn and his fellow Jungle Trolls into his army, with promises of fame, honour and security. He dared not argue with Ju'un; he was a fearsome creature, and could scare the scales off a basilisk. He was a purebred Forest Troll, a veritable tower of solid musle structure and green skin. From his gnarled, forked twin toes, to his scarlet red mohawk, Ju'un radiated terror, not only from his massive tusks that jutted from his lower jaw,  which could feasibly impale another upstart Troll on them. They curved and barbed, and would not look out of place on a giant mammoth.

He did not mention, for all his fearsomeness, the foes they would be dealing with. Zar'hn had no idea what they looked like, but he knew that he couldn't stop now, saying they were trekking through a mountain range that the Forest Trolls referred to as the Alterac Mountains.

They peaked and towered impossibly high over the rest of the land, with snow topping them and carpeting it. The Trolls had never encountered such conditions before, and several of them died after contracting rapid hypothermia from the temperature change. Even Zar'hn was suffering, his skinny Jungle Troll frame coated in a thick layer of ice from the rampart winds that wept the valley. Icicles began to hang from his long pointed ears and his hair became brittle and stiff.

Even Ju'un, with his muscular frame powering through the snowbanks,  still shook from the immense cold that blew through the peaks.

Zar'hn was lacking sleep. His heavy eyelids tried to seal themselves, but he could prevent it, if only to take another step.

But he was awake enough to notice the glow of the horizon, a warm and longing feeling on his semi-frozen skin.

His brain had only registered, however, that it was the middle of the night.

Blood pumped through his veins, flushed with adrenaline.

They were torches, not sunrise.

"Da warriors!"

 

 

Comments (12)

  • Sidian J[continued from my other post - sorry this got so long!]

    Minor grammatical issue in the line “Even Ju’un, with his muscular frame powering through the snowbanks, his legs still shook from the immense cold that blew through the peaks.” You introduce Ju’un as the noun right from the start, see, then swap him for “his legs” after the lil sub clause in the middle.

    I think you have an accidental extra space between Zar’hn lacking sleep and him being awake enough to notice the glow. It interrupts the flow something horrible, which is a shame because I have nothing but good things to say about the actual sentences. Really, that last section is wonderfully constructed – the cold, and the longing for warmth, and warmth is coming… but oops, that’s really not the sort of fire he was hoping to find. It’s just a really pleasing progression to read.

    I would, however, suggest cutting “he screamed at the top of his ragged, haughty voice.” It’s nice to clarify how things sound, sure, but in this case I think you’ve built up a good sense of urgency, and that’s diminished by the pause for information. That and, ah, ending this chapter on “Da warriors!” is a pretty epic cliffhanger.

    Thanks for posting, anyway, because I enjoyed the read! Best of luck in the contest. :D
    Samuel CoulduckI can say enough how amazing this was. I really need to thank you for that, because it was the kick in the arse that I really needed. Thank you for the comments, they really helped. :D

    Best of luck!
  • Sidian JOf all the contest entries I’ve read so far, I think this might be my favourite. Your premise is dead interesting, and I think your description conveys a strong sense of who the trolls are as a race. There are a few issues with long sentences and grammatical mistakes, though, that I thought y’might want pointing out.

    “It’s” is actually a contraction of “it is”, so you’ll want to swap to “its”, the possessive form, when you’re writing about making use of “each part of its body” and “good values at its core.”

    I love your first line (in fact, I love all your short, powerful lines – “they were torches, not sunrise” is my absolute favourite) but you’ve typoed “always” as “alway”!

    The first line of your second paragraph pretty much embodies a problem that blights some really good writing throughout this chapter. You build up a strong picture of trolls when they’re hunting, the speed and the precision and all that, but I think the sentence itself hobbles. “Were of his father and him” is a bit clumsy, and I think you could tighten it up with a rephrase. “His earliest memories were of hunting with his father”, maybe, or perhaps you could get rid of “were of” altogether if you made a larger edit.

    Generally your word choice is very strong, too, but in this particular line I think “lumps” stands out weirdly next to words like “sharpened” and “weaving effortlessly” and “blinding accuracy”. All of those do a brilliant job of presenting the trolls as quick, efficient hunters: honed to kill. “Lump” doesn’t ring of anything “honed” to me, and I think it’s holding the line back.

    Minor typo – I think you mean “tangible,” not “tanglible.” I like the weaving imagery; I think it evokes the tribal elements of the trolls as a species. You do use the word “values” twice in that sentence, though, so you might want to swap in something else for one of ‘em.

    I enjoyed the rest of this paragraph, all about the hardships of the jungle and the skills he’s learned. There was a bit of tense awkwardness amongst it, though. “Stranglethorn life was hard upon any creature” is in past tense, but “a basilisk can turn you into…” through to “are prized as gifted traits” is all in present tense. Might want to switch each “can” and “are” for “could” and “were.”

    Love your description of Zar’hn himself, though I think you need to cut that second colon. “He was a typical Jungle Troll: strong but slight, to move better…” That’s because “strong but slight” is indeed an explanation of “typical Jungle Troll”, but “to move better” is an extension of “strong but slight” rather than an explanation. If, er, that makes any sense at all.

    “But these new creatures that he had been told about” is again a bit clunky, especially in contrast with the crisp, concise prose all around it. “But he had been told of new creatures that confused him to no end.” “But word of these new creatures confused him to no end.” Something like that. Generally, if you can cut a little stumpy modifying word, you probably should.

    “Could scare the scales off a basilisk” is just a great example of the way you fill the story with troll-like thought.

    “Solid musclestructure” should be “solid muscle structure.”

    I was a little thrown by your meaning in the line “not only from his massive tusks that jutted from his lower jaw, like all Trolls, but these could feasibly impale another upstart Troll on them.” D’you mean tusks are normal for trolls, but these are some exceptionally scary tusks? If that’s the case, I think the sentence could use reworking for clarity. Or, er, even if I’ve not got it right, there is –something- wrong there that needs fixing.

    “Trecking” should be “trekking.”

    “Reffered to” should be “referred to”.

    I really like “they peaked and towered impossibly high over the rest of the land,” but the hop and skip over subjects is a bit bewildering in the second half of that line.
  • VeritasHey just had a very quick glance at the first chapter and first half of 2nd chapter (out of time :( ) You write brilliant, intriguing and your writing techniques are very good. You've created a very authentic vision of the trolls already with their speech/accent and all. However, I don't believe "Jamaican" exists in this world. It ruins the whole picture that you describe his accent and there is no need for it, you show it just well through the speech.
    Perhaps you could add just a few more scenes to the first chapter before the battle in chapter two. As a reader, it's nice to get to know your characters before you're asked to sympathize with them. I really look forward to read the whole thing next week. Keep it up!
    Samuel CoulduckThanks for that. I keep forgetting that this takes place quite a while ago in warcraft's history. I have also updated Chpter 1 to suit these ideas. :)

    Thanks!
    VeritasYou can be sure to receive more critique from me as I see you skilfully used all of my advice to improve the story, which makes my time spent worth it! I will read the whole thing in the coming week ;) I think you have a fair chance at winning this comp!
    Samuel CoulduckI am truly flattered by that comment, cheers! :D
    VeritasI speak my mind always.
  • SeekTheMeaningWow! I really liked this chapter! I could really picture everything, brilliant work.
    Samuel CoulduckThank you very much. And read on, it gets better ;)
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