The Golden Eyed Girl

by
mismatched
  • Published:
    18 Jun 12
  • On 0 favourite lists
  • 605 views
Blurb How can you love the one person who wants your heart in their own hand?

No keywords
Category:
Thriller & Horror
Approx 2 minutes to read

The Golden Eyed Girl

1. golden eyes

             Her dark heart trembled as his cold face looked at her, golden eyes glinting in the moon light. The dagger dripped with blood from his unbeating heart. Even ravens were frightened by the poisoned girl, toxicated since she was only a baby. Her mind filled with the thoughts of her parents. The unforgiving armorer of growing up in a house leaking with death and secrets beyond human belief, still hung around her head. No friends and family to turn to she followed her mother and father's intentions.

          Scarlet cloak flying around her she stood and floated off into the night. The corpse is no longer a interest to her; once the heart has stopped she leaves. The game they once played now over. Never losing and never backing down. Fine, black hair was left to cover deaths face as she hid away from the world round. The golden-eyed girl and death met regularly, but she was much different. Death simply takes his victims were as she tricks and twists the mind. Her role was not only to take but to torture the hearts of those who crossed her path.

         As the dark angel wandered to the house that trapped her fate, the night drew to an end; the sun coming to save the world from dark creatures that rule night.

         A flomboyent house stood in the middle of a ruined street. Cold, marble steps lead up to the home of the golden eyed girl. Every step crumbled at the edge of what looked grand from far away and once close seemed tired and unloved. Only thorns and weeds grew in the vast space that once was a lush garden. As she twisted the rusting door handle a sream came from the inside of the house, Death playing tricks on the girl that cheated him. Unfazed, the dark angel push agents the big, mahogany door. Her bare feet touching the old floor boards.

       The lights had died long ago and candles were used instead. The golden-eyed girl let the cloak slip from her sholders, leaving it in a pile on the floorboards.

 

Comments (2)

  • Tylar Jayde2nd paragraph: an interest. death's face. where as she.
    4th paragraph: not sure "mable" is a word. everytime you use "golden eyed," put a hyphen, "golden-eyed." magnfincant isn't a word. "door handle, a scream came from inside the house." angel not angle. mahogany not mohogany. "Her bare feet touching the old floorboards" is a fragment.
    5th paragraph: instead not insted. put a comma after hallway. "the paintings of her family followed her" sounds like they're walking behind her, following her. maybe write "lead her way" or something.
    It's a great story so far, there's just a lot of spelling and punctuation errors. Keep it coming, but double-check everything before clicking publish.(:
    mismatchedthanks i really need to improve my grammer!
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