1. Please Don't Leave Me
Every night. Every night I relive that terrible moment that he died. He was special and he left me here. Alone. He left me to suffer because we both know what happened was all my fault. Every night my body seizes with guilt and terror because I know what is coming. I can't stay awake because the tendrils of weariness are dragging me down into the depths where that unbearable memory will be revived in my nightmares.
I'm walking down the yard, my thoughts as bright and clear as the morning sun. Then I come to his stable and instantaneously my thoughts, mood and everything around me retreats to the back of my mind as I watch him struggle to get up. He's been ill for weeks and I'm scared to tell anyone in case it's serious. He is slowly dying though he's never been this bad. I can't put it off any longer. I ring the vet. Within ten minutes she arrives, takes one look at my horse and inhales a deep breath. After an examination and some blood tests, it's thought he has lymphosarcoma, a cancer in horses that is both dangerous and deadly. I'm then told he can't be saved. I wake up in a cold sweat with the bang that ended his life.