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House of Sin

by
Veritas
+ like 12
  • Published:
    24 Apr 12
  • On 7 favourite lists
  • 2656 views
Blurb Welcome to the house of sin - Come on in!
Plot keywords:
a
Category:
Paranormal & Supernatural
Rating:
Approx 22 minutes to read


House of Sin

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1. Prologue

 

"Well hello there.... Jack"

 

"Isn't that what they call you?"

 

"You look so surprised Jack. Well, we all do when we first realize what happened."

 

"You'll get it all sorted out soon don't worry."

 

"Let me share my story of how I ended up in this hell hole."

 

"It all began when we came home from the war."

 

 

 

 

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Comments (37)

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  • sb.strausslike it :)
  • SlenderMan_Well look who placed!! Personally, I think you should have won but ah well! Well done! I love this story so much!!
  • D.B. FairlessCongratulations on being placed in the competition :) well deserved
    Veritaswoot :O
    VeritasYou too Dann!
  • Annie.GVery engaging and twisted, I enjoyed this and I love the way you have interpreted the picture! I'm not too sure about the bold capitals, I don't even think you need them. It might make the writing feel more sinister rather than shouty. It will let the reader's imagination distinguish different tones in the devil's voice rather than them all being bold and loud. Anyhow, the ending is a great conclusion and the extra horrible twist makes it a truly fantastic piece! XD
    VeritasThank you Annie! I see what you're saying about the capital bold text in the ending. It was a trick Sir Terrence David John Pratchett (Terry Pratchett) taught me in order to indicate a very different tone of voice, but you might be right about it ending up more shouty than deep and sinister. Should I change it?
    VeritasThere you go, no more bold capitals. Added a few lines to the second last chapter as well.
  • Harry SmilesThis is very good, with a strong period feel good pacing. The only concern is that the end comes very quickly, with just 8 paras, all dialogue, no other description or detail - what is going on in that environment, for example, so it comes across as bathos, when you have put so much effort into getting the earlier chapters right.
    VeritasWell the prologue and the epilogue are closely connected. I wanted it to be just dialogue cause the reader is just really overhearing a conversation between William Hunt and Jack in the upstairs room inside the house of sin (hell). And it ends so abruptly because I want the reader to tie the ends together on their own which leaves room for free analysis and interpretation. But I'm thrilled you liked it in spite of the ending :D Thank you!
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