life of a model

by
azzovi
  • Published:
    18 Apr 12
  • On 5 favourite lists
  • 1422 views
Blurb who is this girl??what is she doing?? Is she always the same?? what does she want?
Plot keywords:
model, life, courier...
Category:
Realism
Rating:
Approx 2 minutes to read


life of a model

1. glass in-between

 

 "C" knows she is beauty, energetic, humorous and open,she needed to get polished and trimmed to get her physically into the profession at the first but those were all past exercises she rarely remembers these days..She is confident about the future and ignores her behind the glass.She is not ready to know the story in-between the glass.She is so mentally strong to ignore those stairs searching her's heart which is half opened to the photographer and to everyone in the competition.She is the queen for herself and for many  guys like myself.

Her hairstyle doesn't seem simple so can't be a Nurse as she is all dressed in those white lingerie and those roses on her cheeks means she is not a house wife as she puts her hand in her head to show some tensions.She is fool who is trying to fool all the writers like us.

she is someone who haves a better present but never a good future.she is the one who will have a name but always lack fame.She is someone who have a life but will be treated like source of entertainment.So she is a model.

she is shooting in front of  a glass case where her future is shown.The girl behind those glass used to be alike her and she soon will be behind those glasses too when someone alike her will replace her.Those men are the colors who have given life to many like her,they are the real model for everyone in front of the case.they are not a life but statues with hearts and blood running through it.

 

 

 

Comments (69)

  • BlueBooksThis is good! There are a few grammar mistakes, but don't worry they can easily be fixed! :)
    I like the storyline! Good luck in the competition!
    azzoviThanks...I dont have time to write, so i just do it once without re-checking it..thank you..i shall be free after some months and will be focusing a bit in movellas too...
  • LivvyVery interesting, did enjoy reading this and think you have good concepts/ideas. The only thing you need to work on his execution and basic grammar. You certainly exhibit talent and the ability to write good stories, it just needs a little work that's all.
    1. Just check grammar, punctuation, spelling, how you break up the paragraphs and quotes so that you don't break apart words or phrases or comments. Take a look at your capital and lowercase letters, some errors in a few places. And also, make sure to check out some of the sentences are run-on's. They just seem to long, and you are trying to squeeze too many ideas into the same sentence. Separate different concepts and just connect it, let it flow by itself.
    Here is an example: (hopefully this helps!)
    " "C" knows she is beauty, energetic, humorous and open, she neded to get polished and trimmed to get her physically into the profession at first but those were all past exercises she rarely remembers these days..."
    By the way, what is "C"
    Try changing this to: She is beauty, flowing with energy between her soft luscious curls and the masking sweet scent of lavendar that emitts from her body. She smells like meadows and open grasses; she cleanses me like the rainbow after an afternoon rain shower. What isn't spoken of anymore is the grooming it took to get her there. The polishing and trimming, the powders and lotions, everything masking the person she was originally. If she was an organism, this evolution of her life would have turned her into an entirely new species." (of course you can use this or make up your own or incorporate bits and pieces of it, it is your choice, a writer's choice, only you can make it!)
    2. The first sentence of the second paragraph is also too long. Avoid using "but" or "and" multiple times in one sentence. You are trying to hard to cram too many ideas into one sentence. Avoid ";" unless they make the sentence less then two lines long. Try your best to incorporate this, it will help you to make a more flowing piece. The reader won't be left confused as long as you do all the work as the writer. Make the reader's task easy.
    3. "Those men are the colors who have given life to many like her." Wow. That is a fantastic idea. Make this it's own sentence. "Those men are the most important factor. They give color to a black and white movie, they give life to many like her." I like this comparison and I think it adds another dimension and depth to the story. Nice job!!
    Just work on the little, minor errors and avoid run on's. Loved the ideas!!!
    azzoviThanks a lot for all these...But i am not used to typing in PC's so it all happens..i will do my best..thank you again
    azzovi"C" is a name actually which fits her as SHE is a female character, sorry not to mention that before in the story.I shall do it from next time, i liked your comments a lot.
    Livvyhahaha no problem, thank you for clarifying that, and i hope that my comments helped. :)
    if you get the chance, could you check out my piece, "My Revolutionary Secret"? would love your opinion, you definitley have talent and are determined!
    azzovii checked your revolutionary secret
    it seems to be awesome.i know ur one of the best artist of movellas
  • D.B. FairlessNeed to work on spelling, grammar and punctuation. The descriptions you make seem repetitive and sometimes doesn't make sense. I had trouble reading the whole thing. Sorry man, keep writting it tho, practice makes perfect.
    Diego<3No more arguing It makes my kitten mew uncontrollably and people are entitled to their own opinion but stop arguing or my kitten will scratch the screen in a flurry.
    P.s: nice joke Jodie :D
    SlenderMan_hehe :D your cat sounds lush ;) I imagine it being ginger...which is weird haha! I'm funny like that ;)
    Diego<3You may be funny but you're wrong xD It is black and white actually. :D and it thinks it's king and we are it's slaves :P
    SlenderMan_Awh black and white is still cute!! :D awh bless, girl/boy?X
  • deltabravoGreat effort. You really stand a chance of being noticed and i wish you all the best.
  • Diego<3WOW AWESOME
    Can you check out my movella 'The shadows' Thx
    azzovii will do it for sure
    Diego<3Thx ;)
    azzoviyou are welcome..it was awesome
    Diego<3Thanks but this is your entry right? It's great!
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