Magnets

by
Eclecticboy NMD Survivor
+ like 17
  • Published:
    31 Mar 12
  • On 11 favourite lists
  • 3095 views
Blurb This is my first romance story I have ever written. As a boy, I struggle to understand girls and love and stuff...
Plot keywords:
love magnets kai
Category:
Romance
Rating:
Approx 5 minutes to read


Magnets

1. The Start

I can remember when I first saw her. The dark, long hair - spiralling down to her shoulders; her dark, brown eyes - piercing all former thoughts of anything ever working between any other person and myself.

It was the first day of middle school when I first saw her; she was walking up to the school, her hair swaying everywhere, dancing in the breeze like a willow tree sways in the breeze, dancing like a light in a puddle on a cold, wet night.

I could feel love sweeping me off my feet like a wind sweeping leaves onto a path.

 

Comments (73)

  • alicel98Wow this is really great you should definitely write more! I agree with Annie.G (comment below) that you should maybe try and make the chapters a bit longer, but not too long because I have trouble with that myself! It's really great though please update it!!! :•)
  • CariettaCookiemonsterWow, that was good. I can't believe u haven't added more:( I'm wondering if are the only person who has written a luv story, from a guy's point of view...
  • OwlnightBrill! I luv it. Always wanted 2 hear a book about love from a man's opinion
  • Annie.GThis is so sweet! You've managed to add in your usual comically witty narrator, but the innocence of this story has really caught me unawares!
    Two suggestions: particularly in the first few chapters are extremely short and choppy. Once you get into the story they become longer and more lyrical, really showing the emotion of the narrator, but I felt in the beginning, it wasn't quite there!
    I know it's sort of your thing, but maybe you could try having longer chapters? At the moment I feel the breaks are a bit too often and split up your wonderful writing too much. If you had longer chapters, all the content would flow more easily into the next. That's just what I think!
    Anyway, I'm surprised you haven't tried a love story before! I'd like to see you carry on with this :D
  • l0u15akat3Chapter: Crying just said the same as Chapter 1
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