The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you not knowing how blind that was, lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.
“In one moment too quick to make sense of, you can lose it all.”
I was standing in a breeze, my arms clutched around my waist to protect myself from the chill. Instantly I regretted not wearing my thick red coat, instead all I had on was a thin cotton cardigan and a strappy white top. Behind me stood a castle magnificently lit up in the night. All sorts of colours splattered the sky like a Jackson Pollock painting; the colours were so bright, much too bright even, for someone like me. Fireworks. They whooshed, spitting at the sky with a boom, and fizzled out, staining the darkness for a single sweet moment. I gazed up and down the main street, past a tired copper fountain monotonously gushing water out of its horse’s muzzle, which had been tarnished green over the years.
I felt anxious, like a part of me was missing. The anxiety got worse as people passed me, their chatter growing louder and louder as more people arrived. I was waiting for someone. Today was a special day, but why? It had something to do with the unease rippling through my body. I tightened my arms around myself, lifting my head to stare at the sky. Instantly the anxiety was gone, my mouth dropped open in wonder and all I could feel was awe.
The fireworks were gone, replaced by a night as black as crushed velvet. A shooting star raced across it, as if trying to evade my weak human eyes - Little did that flaming ball of gas know how very unusual mine were. I laughed, twirling around and straight into strong arms. I knew it was him, before I opened my eyes; it was as if our souls danced to a song only they knew, a secret brought back from the very dawn of time, of the true meaning of the word love.
I breathed in the wonderful scent of him- briny with a touch of spring sunshine and something I couldn’t place. I wrapped my arms around his waist, gazing up into a pair of striking eyes.
“Moody eyes,” My mind whispered to me, as if this voice were a real being, a piece of me locked away, hidden, wanting to tell me secrets that only my subconscious self could know. “Green tonight, the colour of his content.” I ignored the questioning feeling this brought me, the anxiety was gone, he was here, and I was at peace.
“I saw my first shooting star,” I said, still beaming at the gorgeous man who held me so heartbreakingly close. Confusion stirred me; it felt so perfect; how could it be heart-breaking?
“The meteor shower started then?” he asked, smiling at me. His perfectly formed lips caressing my forehead.
“I suppose, but I can’t see anything else so far.” I buried my head into his warm chest as the wind blew, violently stirring up bits and pieces of debris on the floor and giving me goose-bumps.
“Are you cold my love?” It was rhetorical: we both knew he would pull me closer, he would keep me safe. He always had and always would.
“I love you,” I whispered, tilting my face up so as to feel his lips on mine again, he tasted of coffee, his kiss as soft and gentle as butterfly’s wings.
He placed his hand upon my chin, tilting my face and looking into my eyes. “And I love you too, always and forever.”
I was about to reply, “Never forget.” When an aching sob interrupted me, it sounded as if it had come from a great distance, through a tunnel and reverberated around my own head. The sob was so raw, so painful that my own heart trembled at the thought of why someone would cry like that, as if their very heart and soul had been ripped away from them.
“Did you hear that?” I asked, turning from him and searching the clumps of lovers and friends holding hands and watching the meteor shower together. There were no cars driving by tonight, anyone who cared to see the meteor shower had walked out of respect for those watching – that was the good thing about being in a small town and now the night was almost silent, as everyone stared up at the sky.
“Hear what?” He asked, his voice deep and soothing.
“I thought I heard crying.” I shrugged, turning back to him, my eye lashes fluttering as a looked up at the ceiling of my Camden apartment.
I sat up, breathing heavily, turning to switch on my bedside lamp, my hand clammy as it slid against the switch. It was then I realised the truth, tears streamed down my face and I dabbed at them like they were a type of creature I had never seen before. Staring at a glistening tear drop on my finger tip, I felt another sob rise in my chest. Something was missing from my life and had been for a very long time, but what, I just didn’t know.