Tanker fra min side

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  • Publiceret: 13 nov. 2016
  • Opdateret: 20 jun. 2017
  • Status: Igang
Dette er nogle af mine tanker skrevet ned.
De omhandler meget forskelligt, men har alle alligevel noget de samles om.
Det er meget "råt" skrevet, da jeg bruger det her mere for at komme af med det, end noget andet, men håber stadig du vil tage et kig :)
[Nogle af dem er på engelsk]

!!!Burde nok ikke læses af sarte sjæle :)!!!

Og tusind tak for +1000 visninger <3


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34. To my dear friend

[Så det her bliver nok det længste fra min side, og I kan bare skippe det hvis det er for langt ;) ]

 

I don't believe in the same as you, and I think you mean more to me than I will ever mean to you. 

You learned me what it was to hug, and show you care for others, instead of pushing them away. There is still a lot I have to work with, but you sure helped me get on the right track. I still don't tell you much, and for that I am sorry. But i'm still afraid of getting hurt or being vulnerable, you know looking weak? Not that there isn't at least a billion things I would like to say, I just can't. And I don't want to bother you, so I guess that is another reason I don't tell stuff?

You showed me how to care as I said , but it ended up bitting you in the butt, because now i want to show you that I care about you, and it comes of as clingy... It properly is, because now i'm afraid of loosing you as my friend.

It's funny some days I feel like we are the best of friends, and then the next day it's like you don't even know I exist, but I don't care... because if you could show me how to care, you can also be the one to show me how not to care.

I feel like telling you that i'm suffocating in my own thought and that an unknown emptiness has buried me.

That my off days are getting worse and worse for some reason..

That I feel alone even when we all get together, but that when you hugged me I felt for a second I wasn't alone, and that somebody cared. 

I want to help others getting and being happy, but it's hard when you yourself stands in an even deeper hole.

My defenses grow when people ask if i'm okay, because at this point I don't even know if someone could save me, i'm messed up, but can't explain why. But you eased the pain when you shortly took me under your wing.

There was this Wednesday where it was really bad, and I cried in the school bathroom. When I came back nobody noticed and I turned down your hug, when I need it the most... It's properly one of my biggest mistakes cause I felt like I had to throw up of sadness... and I turned down that one thing that made me feel okay. That day I wanted to tell you everything, but then everbody eels came, and I completely shut down. So now i'm trying to find that motivation to tell you again, and I hope that you will help me, because I don't have anybody els that I feel I can tell

Tell them i'm empty and sad over nothing, and that I still use my nails to make a reminder on my wrist that I can still feel or that my drawings is my mind on a paper...

So please hug me and tell me that i'm not okay... I'm begging you... 

 

I guess I wrote this because i'm too weak and shy to tell you in person? 

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