Where do broken hearts go?

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  • Publiceret: 30 jan. 2015
  • Opdateret: 30 jan. 2015
  • Status: Igang
Bethany har en rodet tilværelse, og kæmper med at få styr på sin audition til en solo dans, sine følelser og sin vægt.

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2. Part 1

“Bethany, Lauren get your lazy asses over here” His voice was loud as an ambulance, and his face red as chili. Lauren walked right behind me. The dancehall was so quiet, that I could hear her breath. “I want you to take it from the top” He started the music, and pointed at Lauren, as a sign for her to start, and me to sit. She started dancing. She wasn’t ready for this, not ready for the mask, it was clear to see. But not for Mr. Rejovski, to him this was a game. I looked out the window, the birds was flying around, outside the fall noon. If I was a bird, I would never stop flying, just see the whole world from another ankle. A weak applause started, and Lauren sat down beside me. She was shaking, again not ready. I got up, and found my position. I was facing the mirror, forced to look, look at that broken human in front of me, me. The music started, and so did I. My mask was on, and once again it felt like seeing myself from above. Like it wasn’t me at all.

A little while after dance class was over, Rejovski came over to me, “I just told Lauren. You got the dance. The Swan. Don’t screw this up, Bethany.”This feeling of acceptance and pride, came across me for a second. “And for god´s sake, wear some makeup, you´re pail as a corps.” And then it was all gone. I was on my way out, when I heard someone cry, it came from the locker-room.         Lauren was sitting in the back of the room, crying. Her hands was buried in her messy hair, and the tears was running down her face. I know how she feels, the feeling of not being good enough. She looked up and saw me, her competitor. In this world, the world of elite ballet, we are not in anything together. We just compete. When she saw me, I just hurried away.   

I  don't want to go home. I don't know who I am, when I’m done dancing. In the hall I am able to wear my mask, outside I just feel naked. I don't know where to go. Where do broken hearts go? That’s why I usually just walk around downtown London, until late.  I’ll do that again tonight.

My phone was buzzing, a reminder about ballet in 4 hours. The clock was already 3 am. My usually bench was just ahead. I sat down, and just enjoyed the view of the cherry tree. I normally sit here for hours, there is nice and quiet.                                       

“Is this seat taken?” Someone suddenly asked. I looked up, and saw a guy, around my age, 20, in a black hoddie, with blond hair, and sea blue eyes. “No.” I shortly answered.  “Bad day huh?” He sat, and asked. “I don’t know.” I looked at him. “I don’t really have a life, all I do is dancing, trying to proof something, I’m not sure what is. Then I got this dance, but I don’t know whether to love or hate it.” I burst it all out, so quickly, it was hard to understand myself. Maybe I just needed to say it to someone. “Wow” He then replied. “I’m Niall” He then said. “Bethany.” Even though the silence was kind of awkward, I liked his company, or just company. “Why do you sit here?” He hesitated. “Same reason as you, I guess. I need a break.” I looked skeptical at him. “For what.” He giggled. “See the girls down there. Around 100 girls where lying in front of the O2 arena. “My band and I, are performing in there later, and tomorrow.” He finally said, and pulled the hoddie a little away from his face, like I should regicide him. I then got up. “You gotta be joking.” I then said. “Can’t believe I took you seriously.” I turned him my back, and walked away from him. What a smartass, he really thought I was that dump? And just to prove that I was right, I walked pass the arena, One Direction playing, at 8 pm, tonight.

I went home, or whatever it was. Took my MacBook, and searched for, One Direction band members. 5 handsome guys came up, this bad boyish looking guy, one covered in stripes, one with really nice curls, one with one hell of a smile, and one with light hair, and sea blue eyes. Him, that guy. Right there, I felt like an idiot. 

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