AN: Lille Marina and the diamonds songfic som jeg ikke havde lagt op her, den ligger godt nok på Wattpad xD
We've broken up and now I regret it. I said goodbye when i shouldn't have said it.
It's been a week already, but I can't seem to stop thinking about her. How her eyes were sparkling with love, love that i couldn't return. But in that week i have also been missing her. Her bright hair, her intimate smile, her gorgeous body. Those things that I do not love, but can't stop missing. How I regret that I said those words.
I even cried but I never meant it, and I don't know why but I can't forget it.
She will always hold a special place in my heart, but I know that what she is feeling is nothing like mine. She has always been there for me, always supporting me, helping and loving me. I might not even deserve that, deserve her. I had to be honest, tell her what I feel. Something that isn't love, but merely gratitude. I even cried so wouldn't have to feel so bad about it. Yet still... her words haven't left my brain, "If that makes you happy, not being with me. I will always love you, so for that I will put your happiness above mine. Yes. Those words... I don't know why but they stop me. Stop me from forgetting her and move on. Making me want to go back.
Gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self-esteem. Gimme good and pure, what you waiting for?
She loves me, I will never understand why she does this. But in my selfish desire this plays right at my hand. She will give me happiness and bliss, all for love and the hope that i would love her back.
Gimme everything, all your heart can bring. Something good and true.
I need this right now. I need her. I need her to reassure me that I'm attractive, that I'm a good person. I need her for this right now. I need to see her react to my every touch with nothing but pleasure. I need her to be herself. Her pure, innocent-looking self.
I don't wanna feel blue anymore.
I need her to remove the feeling inside my chest that I'm not good enough. That I'm a failure. That I'm a loser. I need her to give me back what I don't have. The brightness in my life. It's only one night. I don't wanna be this me, this dark, down me. This me that I don't know, with no confidence.
Gimme one more night, one last goodbye.
For the last time I wanna hear her scream in pleasure, to give me back what I'm missing. I wanna know that I'm loved by somebody that's here. I may be selfish, but one night's all I need to get back on my feet.
Lets do it one last time, lets do it one last time.
I walk over to her house. I knock on the door and as she opens, pull her in for a kiss. I've missed this. This feeling of being wanted and loved. I kiss her harder, and she seems to take advantage of the situation as well, knowing full well it's probably the last time we will hold each other like this. The night begins, a night full of desire, reassurance, last's and a one-sided love.
One more time.
I kiss her.
No I don't love you. No I don't care. I just wanna be held when i'm scared.
Throughout the next month I discover that this feeling always seems to come back after a while. I still don't love her, I might have never loved anyone, but I still come back. When i'm scared, lonely or in need of comfort, I selfishly seek out the one person I know can give it to me. Love. I can't give it back, she knows this. But as much as it hurts her, she takes advantage as well. But for the time being, I can't really say that I care.
And all I want is one night with you.
To get the warm feelings back. The feelings of comfort. Of being loved. It might not be very romantic, a one-nightstand but I only want her. Just for one night.
Just cause I'm selfish, I know its true.
It's been called one-sided for a reason. One side finds love and gratefulness in the other person, while the other finds nothing but a form of reassurance. Taking advantage of something like this is selfish, I would be stupid not to see that, but I am giving something in return. One night of love.
Gimme, gimme, gimme anything but blue, blue, blue. Royal blue.
Erase these cold and dark feelings. These blue feelings. Replace them with warmth and light. The red feelings. Feelings of intimacy, lust and love. Make me the man I know myself to be. Make me the king and I will make you the queen. We will walk together, wearing crowns , capes and royal blue.
AN: Håber i kan li' det c: