Judiths loud crying woke me up from my well deserved nap. I groaned and sat up in my bed to see Beth holding her, trying to make her stop crying. “It’s my turn to look after her, Beth. Don’t worry, I can do it. You always do it anyway,” I mumbled. She looked at me, smiling, and shook her head.
“It’s okay, Maddie. It’s not like I have anything else to do.” I smiled and laid back down on the bed, closing my eyes in an attempt to fall asleep again. Suddenly I felt someone sitting down on the bed. I knew it was Beth. “I don’t hate you, ya know?” I opened my eyes and looked up at her. “Carol might, but I don’t.” Carol really did hate me. After Daryl went looking for Sophia back then, Carol kinda started falling for him. I felt kinda sorry for her; she had lost her husband and her daugther, and after that she couldn’t even be with the man she ‘loved’, because he was with me. After we arrived to the farm, Daryl and I were forced to share a tent. There was already this, like, sexual tension betweent us at that time, and it didn’t help that we had to sleep in the same tent and change in front of each other. It wasn’t long before we began to have sex, like, almost every day. Carol walked in on us one time, and since then she hated my guts. I didn’t care though. I never liked her anyway, somehow I thought she was pathetic; I don’t even know why to be honest.
“Great,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes. “Anyway, have Mason and Daryl returned yet?” Beth shook her head. I frowned. I was beginning to worry about them. I trusted that Daryl could survive in this world, but Mason, my clumsy brother, wasn’t like that. Sure, he had changed since the outbreak, but I was still worried about him.
“Don’t worry, they’ll come back soon,” Beth said, smiling at me. I nodded, and sat up again. I looked at Judith, a smile forming on my lips. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
“She is. I’ve always wanted kids, but I’m not sure I could bring a baby into a world like this.”
“No, but if we don’t have kids the our race will die out.”
“Maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen. Maybe we’re not supposed to be here anymore. Maybe God is angry at us and want us dead. All of us. There must be a reason all this happened. A reason why we’re being punished like this. It doesn’t really make sense, does it? Your father is crazy to think there’s a cure, cause there isn’t, and there probably won’t ever be one. This is the way the world is supposed to be. It can’t change, and it won’t.” I should’ve known better than to tell Beth that. After what happened at the farm I shouldn’t have said that. I instantly saw how my little speech had affected her, and I regretted it. “Beth I’m-“
“No, don’t worry about it.” Her voice was full of sorrow. I hated it. “You should go see if Daryl and Mason have returned. I’m sure you miss them.” I nodded, smiling awkwardly before standing up from the bed and heading outside.
Seeing Beth sad face made me think of how she had lost her loved ones, except Maggie and Hershel, and thinking about the ones she had lost, reminded me of the ones I had lost. My parents, my boyfriend, my friends. I had lost everything. I only had my older brother, Mason, and my adopted little sister, Olivia - and Daryl of course.
He was my everything. He meant so much to me. Despite what I had just told Beth about not wanting to have kids in a world like this, I wanted him to father my children, and I sure as hell hoped it’d happen some day. I never really thought about it until Judith was born. I had just given up on ever having kids, let alone a boyfriend or husband. But the first time I saw Daryl holding Judith, I knew I could have it, and I wanted it. For a moment I imagined Judith being Daryls and my kid.
When I got outside I saw Carol and Rick in the guard tower. I groaned. Why did Carol have to be there?! I went there anyway.
I guessed Carol had spotted me, cause I could practically feel her eyes on me. I really couldn’t wait for Daryl to come home so I could rub it in Carols face that he was mine!
As I reached the top of the tower, Rick greeted me with a smile, while Carol rolled her eyes. “Oh, it’s nice to see you too, Carol. Why don’t you go inside and I’ll take over,” I mumbled, reaching out to grab the gun in her hand, but she jerked it away from me. “C’mon Carol, don’t be a bitch!”
“Carol, just give her the gun,” Rick said in a stern tone. Carol unwillingly handed me the gun, and then headed towards the staircase.
“Just so we’re clear..” I looked at her. “I might act like a bitch towards you, but only because you’re with him. You’re 20. You shouldn’t be with a man that could be your father.”
I’d had enough. She had never made her opinion more clear as in that moment, and I was pissed off. I loaded the gun and pointed it at her. “Look, what’s going on between Daryl and I is none of your business. You have no right to come here and tell us who we can be with. 2 years ago, it would probably have been different, but now that the world is shit, I don’t give a fuck about the age of the man I love. So go ahead, try to make him fall for you. You won’t succeed. We chose each other, and we love each other. So, if you don’t want me fire this gun, and believe me I will fire it, then fuck off and mind your own business. Got it?” She looked at me in shock, and so did Rick. I repeated the last sentence, and she nodded. I lowered the gun, and she almost ran down the stairs and back to the prison.
“You’re even less merciless than Daryl – no offense!” Rick said, almost laughing. It was almost like he liked that what I had just done.