Open up.

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  • Publiceret: 23 mar. 2014
  • Opdateret: 29 mar. 2016
  • Status: Igang
Du behøver ikke at læse den, det er bare min dagbog. Hvis jeg ikke skriver noget ned, så ender jeg selv med at gå mentalt ned. Jeg har ikke den største tiltro til folk, og jeg er bange for at gå dem på nerverne, hvis jeg snakker om mine problemer. Dette er den letteste måde. Jeg regner ikke med favoritlister,likes eller kommentarer, da det jo bare er en bog der indeholder mine problemer. Hvem vil ærligtalt høre på dem, og vide hvilket latterligt liv jeg har, når de selv har deres egne problemer at tage sig af.

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11. 11.

29-03-2016

 

 

You always asked me how i was doing.
You always wanted to know more.
You wanted to know why i did it, and how.
You always asked me questions, but that was your thing.
You wanted to understand me.
You gave me space when i needed it.
You didnt let me push you away, when i wanted the wrong kind of space.
You pulled me closer, and you let me cry.
I couldnt love you.
You were too good, you were all that i dreamt of.
You were so pathetically funny.
I remember how you would stay up at night with me, telling me all kinds of weird things.
You would tell me stories from your life, and most of them were of your sister.
You loved her.
You treated her like a princess, even though she had to go through hell and she pulled you with her.
She was dealing with anxiety.
She was truly a fighter, and i adored her.
I adored the love you gave her.
You went with her to every appointments, making sure she got there safe.
You were her rock, and you were mine.
You had a massive heart, and it scared me.
I couldnt understand how someone like you were capable of caring so much.
But soon i realized why.
You had your own battles, and you made sure no one went through their battles alone like you had to.
You had to fight your demons, trying to drown them in pills.
Whenever someone needed help, you would do anything for them.
You made me feel loved, and i wish i were able to show you the same kind of affection. 
I wanted to be more, i wanted us to take the next step.
Your love was just too scary. I knew i was gonna get hurt. I knew it, yet i kept going.
You soon became a part of my everyday.
I would look down at my phone and smile, knowing that you were just one call away.
I finally had someone to talk to, who knew exactly what to say.
But with love comes the hurt.
And i was left hurt every night you went to bed.
You were my distraction in the daylight, but as soon as you went to bed i was alone.
That's where i started doubting your motives, and it teared me apart.
It teared my thighs apart.
I've never experienced a warzone like that.
I had officially hit my breaking point. 
But looking back at it now, i wouldnt have changed a thing. 
It was worth the hurt.
You were worth everything.
I wish i could've told you this.

And  the worst part is... I might actually have loved you.

And i should've told you. 

 

-Anonymous xx

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