I tried to be fucking nice. I really tried!
I wanted to promote body-positivity or just positivity in general. I tried making people love themselves, while trying to love myself. I was doing so fucking good. I was happy for once. I felt like I made difference, so why do I get punished? I was stupid and naïve for thinking that people wanted me the best. I spend all my time on other people. I praised people when they complimented themselves.
I fucking did my best, to spread the word about self-love. I fucking did. I would sit up late at night, even when I needed sleep the most. I would sit up late with a stranger, because no one should go to bed sad or angry. I loved seeing people happy, and I felt like myself for the first time in ages. I was finally able to let things go. I was happy, truly fucking happy.
Why. The. Fuck. Did. I. Get. Punished? Why did you have to use my soft spots against me? You made me feel really fucking bad again. Not just bad, you made me miserable. First you call me fat, wrinkly and disgusting. When I tell you to stop, due to my eating disorder, you use that against me. Calling me anorexic bitch and stick, just made it even worse.
You humiliated me in front of everyone. You made them turn on me. They started calling me fake… Disgusting… Bitch and what not? The worst part is, that you enjoy it. You like to see people suffer; you want people to be in pain.
You’re claiming that you have no feelings, but you do. You are filled with anger. Anger for the people who’ve hurt you. You are mad at the world, and you cope with giving other people the pain. You’re a mess, and everywhere you go you’ll leave a mess.
I’m still trying hard to recover, yet my recovery is in a thin line.
Thank you kind stranger, who thought making others feel bad was justice.