The Locket Of Hair

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  • Publiceret: 25 aug. 2013
  • Opdateret: 25 aug. 2013
  • Status: Igang
SAM AND JUSTIN YAY

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13. TLOH 72

*Justin’s point of view*

Sam asked me to tweet from her account. She had some things to say and just wasn’t at a strength to say them. The vitamins were helping. They were doing blood work and making sure she was healthy enough to go home. Right after my performance for the Voice I was taking her home. Home, home. Her mom and dad were scared when they heard what happened but they trusted me to take care of her until we got back to Canada. My mom refused to leave the hospital and stay right by her side. They were really bonding and that made me happy. There’s nothing better than seeing your mom smooth out the love of your life’s hair and treat her like the daughter she never had. I sent out the tweet listening to what Sam said and breaking it down into a couple tweets.

Hey guy’s it’s Justin. Sam has something to tell you because she wants to be honest with all of you okay? . . . 

She’s in the hospital again, this time for not eating. She had some problems that she wasn’t speaking up when she was hurting. But she wants you all to know . . . 

She’s sorry for letting you down. You’re all so beautiful and the support means the world to her. Please don’t give up on her because she never gave up on you. She really cares. She thanks you and she wants you all to stay strong. Thanks guys.

I gave her the phone back and kissed her forehead. We’d been working really hard on talking things out when it came to her emotions. It hurt me to think that she could be holding something back. To me a relationship is the opposite of that. A relationship is supposed to be when you trust someone enough to share your feelings with them no matter how much you don’t want to. The problem was she did trust me, It was herself she didn’t trust.

Demi was coming which meant that Fredo and I would sit in the corner shaking our heads at their feminine ways that no man understood. Until then she was mine and I treasured every seconds of it. I sat behind her in the small little hospital bed massaging her shoulders and kissing her skin while she talked to Mom.

“I fell like it’d be a waste of time.” Sam complained.

I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

“Maybe but at the end of the day you never know until you try right?”

“Right I guess.” Sam sighed. “Baby what do you think?”

She turned back to look at me and I froze.

“Uhh . . . . sure.” I shrugged.

She laughed. “You have no idea what we’re even talking about.”

“Do too.” I muttered.

“Then what was it?” Sam pushed.

My face turned rest as I tried to guess and failed miserably.

“Uhm . . . chicken noodle or broccoli cheddar?”

They both shook their heads giggling.

“Mmm that feels good.” She groaned. “Y—your mom—oh right there yea—she wants me to take a prego class.”

I stopped cold. Kids. Pregnancy? I could barely handle Sam with her emotional state right now why would a pregnancy be even remotely on the list?

“Babe why’d you stop?” Sam whimpered.

“S—sorry.” I mumbled making eye contact with my mom. “Why do you want her to do that?

I kept rubbing her shoulder and hearing her sigh.

“Calm down honey. I thought it would help her become comfortable in her own body. She’d a get a taste of what’s it’s like with pregnancy and all too. It’s not a class more so they just strap this belly on you and send you out into the world.”

Sam laughed. “I can’t wait to see how my cut off shirts look stretched over a gigantic baby bump.”

I felt better with that idea and pressed my lips to the tip of her spine.

“You’d look just as perfect as ever.” I whispered.

She bit her lip and shivered. I smiled pulling her closer into my arms and kissing her neck. She giggled and smiled as we snuggled up together in the small bed.

“I’ll make you a bet.” I said going along with my mom’s plan.

“Oh yea and what is that?” She smirked leaning on my chest. 

“You get your weight back up to 110 before the voice? No belly. But if not . . . prego here we come beautiful.”

She smiled at my idea trying to encourage some weight gain and nodded her head looking at my lips.

“Deal.” She murmured.

“Deal.” I whispered.

I kissed her softly felling her smooth lips meet mine. She sighed softly and I smiled running my tongue over her bottom lip. We were interrupted by her door swinging open and clanging against the wall. Demi was standing outside the door in short sand a v-neck with her hair pulled into a pony tail. Her bottom lip was quivering and she was in tears.

“They wouldn’t tell us anything!” she cried.

“Oh Demz.” Sam mumbled.

The IV was still plugged into her arm so she took the stand getting out of bed to go to her. Her legs were weak making it hard to walk. But Demi met her half way and pulled her into this fierce embrace. They both started ugly crying and talking to each other in sobs that no one else but them understood. Alfredo stepped in awkwardly hugging and kissing my mom’s cheek before coming to me.

“You okay bro?” He asked.

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yea. It’s been a tough day but she’s alright now. They got her on medication and everything so she’s in the right frame of mind. You?”

He looked tired and shook his head. “I stayed at Demi’s last night. She was an emotional wreck. They wouldn’t tell her anything I guess. They said no visits from anyone but family. She was either on the phone yelling at someone for answers or having me hold while she cried.”

That’s the funny thing about relationships. When you’re in one it’s no longer really about you it becomes about the other person. So when we asked each other how we were doing it ended up being all about our women. That’s the way it should be. We both looked over at them crying in the corner rocking back and forth and smoothing each other’s hair back.

“I’m sorry bro.” I sighed.

“No don’t worry about it. As long as she’s okay that’s all we care about right now. Is she eating?”

I nodded. “Just had her second meal today.”

He smiled. “That’s so good. I’m gonna go say hi.”

He walked over to Sam and Demi as Sam spotted Alfredo and started to cry all over again breaking away from Demi as he embraced her tightly.

“You scared us all.” He whispered.

She hugged him tighter. “Yea I scared me too.”

Sam was released that day from the hospital. There was really no reason for her to stay there. The doctors gave her all these prescriptions for different pills and antibiotics to make her strong again. Her immune system was down from lack of nutrients or whatever so they gave her stuff to build that back up as well. The doctor advised her to not smoke for the next few days ever. We went to the CVS to pick all her medicine up. But Sam . . . she just wanted to have some fun.

“I wanna sit in the car.” She murmured eyeing it with a smirk.

“Babe I don’t think even you’d fit in the child’s thing.” I said.

She shook her head and turned to me. “I want to get in the actual cart. I need to do something even remotely interesting. Please?”

I understood her frustration and smiled kissing her softly and nodding. She climbed into the cart despite the glare of many bitter older women that worked in the store. Her face was pulled into this big wide smile I hadn’t seen in a while. I missed it. She transformed into a little kid as I pushed her fast through the store. The way that girl laughed was music to my ears. We ran through the store acting silly and just having a good time. Sam threw her hands into the air like it was a roller coaster ride. The satisfaction on her face at something as simple as running her through a store in a cart made me treasure that moment forever. She was happy. It made my day.

We went up to the pharmacy Sam still in the cart and waited for hours and hours for the medications to be ready. Our insurance covered everything but there was just so much medicine for her to take. She had vitamins, the antibiotics, her Cymbalta, a stress reliever. I hated putting all of it in the cart. Why did pills have to be the answer to all her problems? Next thing I knew she’d have an addiction to that as well. She groaned at all the little bottles though and looked up at me running her fingers across my cheek.

“I love you, it’s been about an hour since I said that and it was just hurting me not to put it out there.” She murmured.

I smiled and took her hand off my cheek intertwining our fingers.

“I love you too, you have no idea how much I do.” I told her.

She blushed. “Well maybe you could show me? Over a romantic dinner? And by that I mean something deep fried.”

I laughed and sighed. “I missed you.”

“I didn’t go anywhere.” She said.

“Yea you did.” I disagreed. “But you found your way back to me. You always do.”

She took that and went into a silence thinking it over I guess as we kept walking through the aisles. In the magazines my face covered most of the covers. And the best part was seeing Sam on most of them too. Whether it was us together or just by herself she rocked it and she always did. Not all of them were true though and they took our words and twisted them together till the quote on the magazine was something we’d never even said. She liked to look at them though because it made her feel like she actually did belong in my world.

I slid my fingers down her neck as the silence had dragged on too long and I wanted her to be happy.

“You want to get some snacks while we’re here? We can have a date night all together.” I whispered in her ear.

Her smiled grew nice and wide. “Yes please.”

“Mkay, I love you baby.” I sighed kissing her forehead.

We started to move through the store getting anything we could because Sam wanted it. The whole I’d like to get her anything she want didn’t always work out because the only thing she seemed to want was me. In the end for once that wasn’t the case.

*Sam’s point of view*

I was ready to be home. There were so many bottles of medication that just looking at them made me exhausted. But Justin really made a huge difference in the way I acted. He was sooooo loving, like that just made no sense to me. He’d hold my hand and just absent mindedly kiss my forehead. His affection made me feel wanted and loved and that got me blushing the whole time. A preparation for a date night with Justin requires several thousand calories of food, a collection of movies, and a sexual level of about ten. If you’re watching the movie and it’s not the opening credits . . . you’re doing it wrong.

We stopped at In-N-Out burger and I ordered a lot less food then I usually did. My body was still getting used to all those calories and flooding my system with food just made me feel sick. Justin agreed reluctantly and got me what I asked for before driving home holding my hand. I checked twitter to see if any of my fans hated me yet. The only thing flooding my timeline was support. So many people were telling me they needed me back and I had to get better and this and that. I’d been so scared someone would go well she stopped eating so why can’t I? My fans are too beautiful for that. I couldn’t let that happen to them because of something I did. And I told them that. I said that the only thing keeping me going was them. We needed to stay strong together or we’d all come crashing down.

Justin parked the car in the driveway and we pulled all the bags into the house. It was empty without the little kids running around causing a ruckus. The peace was nice though and I enjoyed going to the kitchen without stepping on something pointy and colorful. I sat down with all the pills I had and took my vitamins for the day. Everything had to be taken in intervals because some of the medicine couldn’t be taken with others. Vitamins and antibiotics were first. Then before bed I had to take my Cymbalta by itself. When I woke up the next day I’d take the medicine for my immune system and start the system all over again. Just opening the bottles left me out of breath and my hands were trembling.

“Is that new?” Justin asked from behind me.

I gasped not realizing he’d been watching me and sighed.

“No not really. They just shake when I get tired.” I said taking a deep breath.

“Maybe you should let me open the bottles from now on. I just want you to focus on getting better.” He breathed.

Justin sat down next to me at the table and started writing out on a piece of paper how much of each pill I needed to take. He pulled out the ones I needed for that interval and got me a glass of water.

“I have everything written down. I’ll get the pills ready for you okay baby?” He asked.

I smiled a little. “Okay.”

When I’m sick or when I just don’t feel good Justin takes care of me like he’s literally a doctor. I’m not allowed to lift a finger and he will literally go out and buy more pillows if he doesn’t think I have enough. So when I said I wanted to go change he carried—yes carried—me to the couch and went upstairs to grab my clothes for me. A part of me was stubborn and wanted to do everything for myself. But seeing him care so much and want to help me just reminded me of how he must have felt watching me in that hospital. I couldn’t deny him the right to take care of me. Dr. Simon even said I needed to be taken care of for a while. And when the thought of even touching the steps made me yawn it didn’t seem like such a bad idea to let Ju Ju treat me like his little girl.

Justin came downstairs with three different outfit choices. 

“I didn’t know if you’d be cold or not so I brought shorts and sweats and everything.” He murmured.

I smiled and settled with a white sweater, shorts, and these furry boots like slippers to keep my legs warm. Justin helped me undress much more for his benefit then for mine and pulled my slippers onto my legs with a smirk. When I was dressed he got my food for me and let me pick a movie. Justin had me lay my legs in his lap while we watched and ate and it was nice. He didn’t think I could feel his eyes on me watching me to make sure I ate. It was hard because on one hand all you want to do it make him happy and show that you can eat the food but on the other hand having someone watching you eat makes it harder to do.

I finished my food and felt and tired moving to the other side of the couch and into Justin’s arms. He smiled and pulled me close running his hands up and down my legs. I shivered and giggled as he kissed my neck. The things that man does to me.

“I love you Samantha.” He said honestly, sincerely.

I took his cheek in my palm and smiled. “I love you too Justin.”

He leaned in to kiss me closing his eyes and puckering his lips. I leaned in doing the same and pressing our lips together softly. We started to get into it when he took my face into one of his hands and slid the other down my thigh. I groaned against his mouth and pulled him closer taking his bottom lip into my mouth. But all of that was ruined immediately when I had no choice but to pull away.

“I—I’m sorry.” I muttered as a yawn over took me.

I couldn’t even make out with my fiancé without losing all my energy. But Justin was all too understanding.

“It’s okay sweetheart. It’s you’re first day home lets just take it easy.”

He pulled the blanket of the back of the couch and let me snuggle into his arms with a smile as the movie continued to play.

*Justin’s point of view*

She fell asleep within five minutes. And it’s not that I wasn’t thankful she was finally getting the rest she needed it was more that it scared me to see her so dead like that. I turned the movie off having in on more for her then for me. The worry of waking her up when I moved her body to the couch became irrelevant as she remained just as deep in the sleep as ever. I kissed her forehead and whispered I love you in her ear before going off to do my own thing.

The boyfriend music video was released and the fans had loved it just as much as I did. But thinking back on it the only thing that came to mind was the way Sam had acted on set. I thought that it’s just been cute you know her not wanting to let me go. Then I realized all the girls around me dressed somewhat whorish could have made her jealous. She knew it was my work and everything so she tried to keep it professional but I should’ve never brought her there. The day just didn’t go well.

She came to visit me later in the day because I left her at home to get some much needed rest although at the time I wasn’t aware of why it was truly needed. She showed up looking too gorgeous for comfort in these high waisted shorts and boyfriend t-shirt that’d been cut up and safety pinned back together leaving it Sam-afied and more edgier. I remembered being so excited to see her get out of the car. We were in the middle of the just going over a couple of dance steps but I saw her and just stopped.

“JB you alright?” One of the dancers asked.

How could I be expected to be alright with the way she got out of that car? It was a couple weeks ago so she wasn’t so thin and still had the outline of her curves. She spotted me from a mile away both of us grinning at each other like idiots.

“Sam!” I screeched.

“Ju Ju!” She yelled.

We both ran to each other me moving through dancers and guys with cameras and her trying to yank off Kenny who’d taken her there and wanted her to stay put. I got to her and she got to me jumping up in my arms and hugging me tight. Her body was warm and it felt so right pressed up against me. I set her on the ground and wrapped my arms tight around her waist biting my lip as she looked up at me. She took my collar in her hands proving always she was the boss of me.

“I missed you.” She said softly.

My heart wept. “Tell me about it I missed you all day baby.”

She took one look around the set with all the girls and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure.” 

I tightened my arms and rolled my eyes. “You know I only have eyes for you. This body is the only body I want.”

She smirked. “And just what makes you think you can handle this body?”

I bit my lip looking her over. “I think I did a pretty good job last night.”

She broke my hold on her waist and laughed turning for the other direction but I just brought my arms right back around her showing her the set. Scooter, Kenny, and Alfredo were there but she saw enough of them. It was my turn with my baby. I sat down in my chair and pulled her onto my lap dangling her legs over the side and smiling up at her.

“Come here.” I sighed.

She leaned down parting her lips and just got closer and closer.

“Sorry.” She murmured against my open mouth. “I’m not going to let you be unprofessional.” 

Cause we all know how unprofessional it is to enjoy my fiancé during break. I got pouty pulling her close anyway as she giggled trying to get away. I placed little kisses across her chest and collar bone heading up her neck as she just kept going with that entire story. It was all fun and games until they called me back to set. Sam slid of my lap and finally let me kiss her lips reaching down to pat her softly on the ass just to leave her blushing. From there it looked as if the day would go perfect . . . not so much.

She sat in my seat watching the filming and everything go down. My co-star she was a sweet girl and everything, really easy to work with. We worked on the scenes with me and her just doing the fooling around flirty stuff around the car. There’s not an actual kiss in the video just a lot of touching and close contact. It’s almost like we’re teasing each other. The music was dope and the energy from everyone on set was awesome. When we called cut they started moving stuff around for the next shot so I snuck over to see Sam. She was on her phone not paying attention to anything around her. But I didn’t jump to conclusions.

“Do you like it so far?” I asked putting my hands on both sides of her chair.

“Yea, sure.” She said quietly.

I don’t know why that hurt so much but it probably had something to do with the fact that it came from her. Sam was always there supporting me so loud I could hear her over everyone else.

“What is it? I thought you liked the song.” 

She shook her head still not looking at me. “I do.”

Two worded answer aggravate me. They tell you nothing and they get you nowhere. I took her phone out of her hands and she groaned finally looking at me.

“What’d I do wrong? We’ll fix it.” I promised.

She looked back down again blushing.

“You’ll laugh at me.” She mumbled.

“Samantha I wouldn’t laugh at you,” I assured her. “But right now I feel like my #1 fan doesn’t like what I’m doing and it’s hurting me.”

I coaxed her chin back up at me and her cheeks were shockingly red.

“I’m #2, Pattie’s number 1.” She sighed.

“Baby tell me what’s on your mind.” I begged looking deep into my eyes.

“JB WE NEED YOU ON SET!” Someone screeched.

“They need you.” She whispered.

I shook my head and called out “One second!” Lowering my voice. “Tell me because I’m not going anywhere until you do.”

She looked into my eyes for a few seconds just seeming to get lost in them. I didn’t understand why it was so hard to tell me how she was feeling.

“I . . . still get jealous of your costars.” She mumbled.

I moved some hair out of her face and sighed.

“Babe she’s married.” I said.

“You think that makes it hurt any less?” She asked. (total Jason McCann moment)

“Well . . . it’s my job Sam. I’m sorry honey I am but I have to do it. It’s just a music video.”

She looked back down biting her lip. “Just go.”

I was about to try and say something to make her feel better but they called me for set again and Moshe came over rushing me to where I had to be. 

“Hey is there any way we can cool it with the love scenes?” I asked.


Director X looked at me for a second as I stood there all awkward. I felt really unprofessional asking it but Sam came first . . . always.

“Something wrong with the leading lady?” He asked.

I scratched the back of my head. “N—no just my actual leading lady.”

I looked over at Sam leaning her head on Scooter and complaining about something in whispers and his eyes seemed to follow.

“Alright we’ll get you changed into the next outfit and work on the car scenes.” He offered.

“Thanks bro.” I sighed.

He slapped me hand. “I get it don’t worry about it.” 

Moshe started leading me over to get changed but I tried to walk over to Sam. Scooter just shook his head at my saying it wasn’t a good idea so I left sad that things had to be that way. It was a good day of shooting and I liked everything we got on film. The paps weren’t that bad and just took a couple pictures being funny. But the whole time Sam was down in the gutter and that just didn’t sit right with me. I kept looking over at her trying to figure out why she would be jealous of someone else. And that I never did figure it out until she ended up in a hospital for fainting.

Sometimes as humans we’re insecure. There may not be a need or an actual reason for it more so than what resides in our own minds. The most beautiful guy or girl in the world can be insecure about one part of themselves that they just hate. And the average girl or boy with the average smile can be perfectly fine with themselves. I’ve found that putting pressure on someone to be more than what they are doesn’t help anything. It’s tricky with Sam though because she’s so much more than what she sees. I sometimes wish she would just look into a mirror and see what I see. I’m not trying to change her . . . I just want to show her that she doesn’t have to be what she thinks she does. Who she is is perfect.

When I got back out changed into a vest and white t-shirt she was better. I guess Scooter had talked to her or something. She slid out of my chair and came over to me noticing the way I stared at her biting my lip. I took her into my arms and sighed missing the feeling I got whenever we touched. Things weren’t right when I couldn’t just hold her. She let her head fall into my chest and gave out a short little breath. I ran my fingertips softly up and down her spine feeling her shiver. We stood in that moment for a while just holding each other and I listened to her heartbeat matching the pace of mine. I took her face in my hands and she looked up at me with a shocked expression not expecting it. When I kissed her felt something change and I realized once again I found a way to love her more than ever before.

Sam woke up around ten at night and I pulled her upstairs. We shared kisses getting up dressed. I watched her take everything off of her. Her bra was too big now. Her underwear were something I’d never seen before. She’d shrunken down to Selena’s size and that was just too much. How couldn’t I notice? How could she loose half of herself and I think it was just from working out? Her thighs didn’t even have meat on them. She was another person. It killed me to have her look that way. She caught me staring and blushed diving under the covers so I couldn’t see. I didn’t bother changing into pajamas and just left my boxers in place diving in and taking her into my arms.

“Are you mad at me?” She whispered.

I looked at her confused. “Why would I be mad at you baby?”

“F—for . . . this.” She ran her hand down the length of her body.

I bit my lip and looked into her eyes. “The truth?”

“No I want you to lie to me.”

Even in her state she found a way to be sarcastic. Only Sam.

“I’m . . . frustrated I think. You don’t see yourself the way you should and I get with your problems that it might be hard but you shouldn’t be this down on yourself all the time. Demi is doing just fine and your even smaller then her . . . I just don’t get what I’m doing wrong that’s leaving you feeling this way.”

She pulled away from and sat up the effort seeming to make her woozy.

“S—stop comparing me to Demi. I’m not Demi. And it’s not always about you Justin what about me? I’m the one going through all this would it kill you to think about something besides yourself for one?” She snapped.

I sat up to looking her straight in the eye as I talked.

“What the hell do you mean think about someone besides myself? I never think about myself. You’re the only thing I ever think about and you know that. There’s a difference between thinking about myself and blaming myself because every time I look around you’re unhappy. I just want to make you happy and I can’t! You won’t let me!” 

Sam wasn’t used to that. Before the incident at the restaurant I never yelled at Sam or cussed or anything. It was usually you’re right baby or okay honey. But maybe that was the problem. She needed some tough love. The doctor said support her. I’ve always supported her. But I’ve never let her know that sometimes she’s wrong. And Sam and wrong don’t get along very well.

Her face softened at my words. “I just . . . feel like it’s always me in the wrong.”

I sighed and moved closer. “That’s because you always put yourself in the wrong. No one blames you for feeling how you feel Sam but if you don’t talk about it no one can know what’s going on. You always tell everyone to speak up no matter how hard it is. It’s time to take your own advice.”

She closed up them crawling under the covers and hiding. I shook my head and crawled under after her and pulling her around so she had no choice but to look at me.

“I know you Sam. You could look me in the eye right now and say you’re not fat but you’d be lying through your teeth.”

“So you’re saying I’m fat?” She asked.

I shook my head. “No. I’m saying you think your fat.”

She looked down rolling away from me. “Whatever.”

I stopped her. “Hey look at me . . . Sam I know how you work. You can’t shut me out anymore. Cause whenever you do and I let you is when things go bad. I can’t let you do that anymore baby.”

She started to focus on my chest trying to look deep enough into my bare chest to see through to something more.

Her voice came out small like a little girl but not the sexy way we usually did . More like what she was saying came from her past and followed her.

“I know that I’m beautiful it’s just . . . that sometimes I have to look really hard to find it.”

I didn’t make her look back up at me.

“I don’t expect you to find yourself beautiful everyday. Would it make me happy? Yes. Should it be a goal? Yes. But I just want you to take it day by day and not worry about tomorrow. You have me right here. Isn’t that enough?” I asked.

She nodded softly and bit her lip. “And you won’t give up on me?”

I shook my head. “Never.”

Only then did she look up at me.

“Will you hold me then please? I need you so bad right now.” She whispered.

“Oh God Sam.” I mumbled pulling her close.

She started to cry into my chest as she realized all the things she’d been holding on to. It must have felt so good to let go of that hatred for herself. I held her hard feeling her bony body become even lighter in my arms. Some could say it’s hard to love someone like Sam. So many problems and issues with self-confidence. They’re dead wrong. Loving her gives me the reminder every single day that I love her more than she could ever know. And I love someone that can keep going and believe in themselves because they have me. When one plus one equals two is the best. She’s my one and only. The math isn’t that difficult actually. We could have the same talk a hundred times in our life together as long as she wakes up the next day and smiles in the mirror.

*Sam’s point of view*

After that talk I felt so comforted and protected by Justin. I cried because there was stuff I had held onto and he knew it. It gets to a point where you just have to let the past go and move on with your life. It okay to cry and I did I cried into his chest and I cried out every mean name, every hate page, every look in the mirror, I cried it out and got away from the pain. When I was done he rubbed my back. He combed his fingers through my hair and he whispered in my ear.

"We're gonna get through this now right?" He whispered.

I took a deep breath. "Yea."

"Come here give me kiss" he said so soft.

I let him pull me up to him and kiss him tenderly. We would always be okay. It just seemed to work that way with us.

***

The next day I was too exhausted to get out of bed. I was sick. The doctor had warned me that my immune system was much weaker and wouldn't be able to defend me against viruses that I came into contact with on a regular basis. Justin felt so bad he tried to call off rehearsals and take care of me but Demi was already on her way.

"Baby I'm okay go." I coughed.

He sighed leaning in to kiss and I pulled away.

"I'm sick." I mumbled.

"Baby I don't care." he promised.

I shook my head. "I do! Justin come on I'm too tired to fight honey just go."

He insisted on kissing my forehead and telling me he loved me. The doorbell rang and he sighed promising not to be home late and heading downstairs to let Demi in. I wasn't particularly looking forward to seeing her because I knew how disappointed she was in me. My boo. My sister. My bitch. And I let her down.

I heard her coming up the stairs and hid under the covers. She walked into the room and sat down on my bed letting the silence linger for a few minutes.

"I know you're awake." She said softly.

I didn't say anything just kept breathing.

"Uh . . . Sam I don't know why you did what you did but... I'm scared right now and this is just really fucked up."

I could hear her crying and it just broke my heart. Here I am thinking she's mad at me and she tells me she's scared? I sat up and pulled the blankets from over my face. We just stared at each other and that points tears were fresh in both of our eyes. She grabbed me up and hugged me fiercely like she did at the hospital. Her voice came out sad and hurt in my ear.

"A--are you okay? Why would you do this to yourself. I'm going crazy
Sam." she cried

"I'm sorry okay? I know that I made mistakes and I should've learned but I didn't and I'm so sorry Demi I am." I promised.

She hugged me to her for a while telling me how scared she is of losing me. There's nothing worse then the feeling of letting someone down. I just wanted her to be happy, proud of me.

The rest of the day she took care of me. We wiped up the tears and laughed trying to throw it away and forget about it. She made me stay in bed and got me whatever I did and didn't ask for me. I was tucked into bed so hard I couldn't move but she was in mother mode.I didn't mind her taking care of me the way i did Justin.

She stayed in bed with me and watched movies all day. Every now and then she'd go to get me medicine or soup but other that it was just a normal day for us. Except for the talk we had about why I did it. She took it seriously because she felt guilty for not seeing it.

"I just. . . I should've known you were up to that. Me of all people." She sighed.

I shook my head. "Demz why do you think we stopped hanging out?"

"Because I was on tour." she said oblivious.

"No cause we couldve hung out when you were with Fredo. I made sure that never happened because I knew you'd spot the signs. That dinner was the first time we'd seen each other in weeks. Don't blame yourself at all." I assured her.

"Why would you do it though?" she asked.

I sighed and pulled my hair behind my ears looking up at this person that meant so much to me.

“I stopped taking my meds.” 

She looked at me like I was crazy. “Sam why would you do that?!”

“I just . . . I held on to some things Demi. I kept some stuff inside to go back to when I felt like hurting again. The pain it, it’s hard to just wake up every day and know that you don’t deserve to hurt. So I kept those things to look over and reflect and think that I’m this bad person. I stopped eating because . . . those things got to me and they became all I thought about. I was smiling in front of the cameras and being everything I thought I needed to be for my fans. It’s hard to be everything that people tell me I am Demi. It’s so hard and all I can think about it failing. If I fail Justin if . . . if I hurt again and I c—commit suicide and I leave him here I can’t . . .” I trailed off choked with tears and she moved my hair over my shoulder.

“Are you really thinking about suicide again?”

She didn’t say it judgmentally, more just like she was asking something important.

I shook my head. “No I just don’t want to hurt him Demz. I need to be happy for him.”

“But Sammy you’re not always gonna be happy. I know it sucks but it’s the truth. Not because you’re bi-polar but because your human. Sweetie we have emotions and we have to feel them because we are what we are. I know you don’t want to be sad but Justin will always be there for you no matter what. At the end of the day you need him. You need that back bone in your life. Don’t worry about the downs because the up make everything worth it. Please believe me? You are perfect because of who you are. You don’t have to try and be anything. When your just you and when you don’t try to force anything you’re funny, and kind, and sweet, and still the most amazing bitch on the face of the planet. Not to mention I hear you’re amazing in bed.” She smirked.

I laughed through the tears running them away from my cheeks and looking up at her.

“Who told you I’m amazing in bed?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I guess Alfredo tried to ask Justin about it and he wouldn’t go into detail you know he’s the gentlemen type. But he did say life doesn’t get much better than being in bed with you.” 

I giggled. “Oh my jesus. What about Alfredo? Any thrust of passion going on between you two?”

She rolled over groaning and rolling her eyes. “No not at all. I mean he doesn’t push it on me which I like and I don’t really want to and he doesn’t seem to act like he wants to but . . . It’s just like when we kiss it gets really hot and heavy and then we just have to stop. Like you know you can tell it’s supposed to go somewhere from here but it can’t. I don’t know the relationship is perfect and he’s so sweet and nice and funny and romantic like I can’t even deal.”

She was blushing and I smirked to myself. I caused that smirk bitches.

“What stage are you guys at anyway? Like the I love you or . . . more middle school?” I asked.

“We’re still at the middle school stage. He tells me he cares a lot about me and that I’m special to him but . . . no I love you’s yet. We’re taking it slow. I like that.” She smiled to herself.

I smiled. “Well I’m happy for you.” 

She rolled back over to eye me and lean her head on her hand.

“What about you two? How’s Justin taking the whole stunt like . . . since he called off the wedding.” She asked softly.

“The wedding is still on.” I said. “He’s not like taking my bullshit anymore ya know? He’s really just sticking up for himself in a way he never really did with me. If I wasn’t too skinny to have sex it’d be like the biggest turn on ever.” Even Demi laughed. “But it’s for the best and although at the time I don’t see it that way he’s not letting me to convince him that I’m right because I am wrong. If I go on this way there really won’t be a point to being engaged. I was one day away from my heart just stopping Demz. It just . . . it’s not real until you have someone tell you what you were doing to yourself. He let me cry last night and I just let go of everything I had held onto. It’s all gone. I can actually move on now and it’s an amazing feeling.”

She smiled. “You two are such a fucking fairy tale it makes me sick.”

I chuckled. “They don’t make em like Justin anymore.”

She didn’t get a chance to come up with a remark because the door opened and Justin was leaning against the frame in his workout sweats for rehearsals.

“Talking about me?” He smirked.

Demi sat up shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“She was just filling me in on the latest gossip for you two horny cunts.”

She pulled her shoes back on and kissed my forehead sloppily making me laugh as she grabbed her purse. I said goodbye to my main bitch and everything before she went to leave.

“I’ll walk you out.” Justin offered.

“Alright I get it you two want to be alone!” she rolled her eyes. “Love you Sammy.”

“Love you too cunt.”

I smiled as they left. My Demz had forgiven me and my fiancé had forgiven me. My fans were the most amazing people on the face of the earth as usual. And I was happy. I mean I was sick and I was miserable but I was so, so happy to just have my family forgive me for all the shit I’d done. It made me feel like . . . like things would always be okay. As long as you have family things will always be okay.

*Justin’s point of view*

I walked Demi downstairs and got her to the door. She turned to me smiling as I stood awkwardly with my hands shoved in my pockets.

“I’m guessing you didn’t bring me down here to say goodbye?” She asked.

I smiled a little. “How was she today?”

Demi shrugged. “She was the way Sam always is. She made fun of herself and she laughed and she cussed. It’s like her problems just never even happened. I just can’t believe she got that skinny.”

My skin crawled at the reminder of it.

“Okay. A—and what were you two talking about in there when I walked in? About me?” 

She smiled. “She was telling me how happy she was that you’re sticking up for yourself now. It’s important that you do that ya know? Don’t beat yourself up over it just be there for her and help her move on. Sam she . . . she’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. Her problems although the same as mine are so completely different. I can’t give you advice and I see that now. You’re doing good Bieber. Everything that you’re doing is helping her so much. Take care of her please? I need her just as much as you do.”

I sighed and pulled her into an weird side hug. But Demi had more confidence and hugged me full on.

“Thanks Demz . . . I really needed to hear that.” I said softly.

She pulled away and smiled reaching to open the door and stepping out.

“Your welcome. No make-up sex tonight huh? She’s convinced you’ll break her into ya freaks.” She muttered.

I smirked. “I can’t help that I’m a sex God Demi.”

She stuck her fingers in her ears and started singing.

“Yea, yea, yea I’ll see you later!” I called closing the door as she screamed bye.

I smiled heading for the stairs to get to our bedroom all over again. She was getting out of bed and trying to move around and I sighed going to wrap my arms around her waist. Those little lips of hers pulled into a smirk as she looked up at me. 

“Why do you always try to do more than you need to?” I asked her.

She smiled anyway. “How come you never want to let me do anything?”

“You should stay in bed move when you’re stronger.” I told her.

“Baby I wanna move.” She complained.

I sighed and pulled my arms off her waist. She stood there in the middle of the room asking me what I was doing as I walked over to the stereo. With a press of button our song Let’s Stay Together started to hum softly in the background. A smirk spread wide across my face as I danced softly back over to her and took her into my arms.

“Alright then dance with me.” I murmured. 

She moved her head under my chin and wrapped those long arms around my back. We moved softly back and forth in a smooth rhythm just listening to the music and the sweet sounds of each other’s breathing. Then her voice came out small yet strong reminding me of the way she talked when she was blushing. 

“I feel stronger today.” She said softly.

She tightened her arms around my back as if to prove herself.

“That’s good honey. I’m proud of you.” I said into her ear.

We kept dancing and she pulled away to look up at me her eyes honest and sincere.

“Justin?” She whispered timidly.

“What is it babe?”

She bit her lip. “I know I don’t have the strength to do a lot right now but . . . would you kiss me, please?”

I smiled running my hands up her body and taking her face in my hands.

“We don’t always have to have really hot, intense break your back sex baby.” I smirked. “Kissing you is the best feeling in the world.”

When I kissed her she melted falling against my body and stopping our little dance. Nothing is set in the stone ya know? Things change and people change but if you’re lucky you have people who will stand by you no matter how much they change. And if you’re blessed? You find a girl or a boy who will just make you feel like the world only make sense because they’re in it. And that girl or that boy will turn into a man or woman and those feelings that everyone thought was puppy love will prove to be so much more. And maybe that boy who turned into a man will get down on one knee and ask the woman to be let him love her for the rest of their lives. I was lucky, I was blessed. And no matter how many ups and downs I went through with her that moment proved we’d always have each other’s back. I held my best friend, my lover, my sweetheart, my baby in my arms. And that was all I really needed.

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