The Locket Of Hair

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  • Publiceret: 25 aug. 2013
  • Opdateret: 25 aug. 2013
  • Status: Igang
SAM AND JUSTIN YAY

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10. TLOH 69

A Bieber Love Story

The Locket of Hair part 69:

Blood

RETWEET BEFORE YOU READ

For all the dumbasses that didn’t get it last time Sam didn’t tell Justin she hasn’t been eating that was in her head. This part is dedicated to @leBieberBang because she is a horny cunt and insists on part 69 being dedicated to her. Now onto the story…


*Sam’s point of view*

“Uh oh God it so big!” I screamed.

I was on top for once and everything was shaking the harder I pushed myself up and down. Justin was closing and opening his eyes arching his back and moaning. The bed was moving into the wall then out into then out and I didn’t care. I took my palms off of his chest and went no hands looking down at his dick going in and out and I rode him slower now but harder. My body was boiling, sweat forming on the back of my neck as we went at it. Justin closed his eyes and grabbed my hips moaning.

“Don’t you dare fucking stop” He groaned.

So what do I do? I stop of course. I swear he looked at me like he was gonna slap a hoe.

“Baby you can’t do this keep going please!” He whimpered.

I bit my lip and smirked shaking my head. Then all of sudden the tables were turned and he was on top of me pulling my legs into the air around his shoulders.

“That wasn’t very nice little girl.” He whispered voice rugged.

He just kept hitting it slowly, softly making me tingle and squirm.

“J—Justin.” I groaned.

“What?” He whispered. “You like that? You like when I hit it?”

I arched my back sighing and begging for more.

“Don’t be greedy. You know daddy will give it to you eventually.” He smirked.

And just like that he flipped us over again grabbing my hair and giving it to me in ways I didn’t know existed. I felt his dick pulsating inside of me and God was it amazing. His fingers held me in place pounding so hard I could hear our skin connecting over and over again. He pulled my body up against his literally digging his dick inside of me. I tried to be calm but all of it just felt so good. We rolled through the covers me using my hips trying to get him to fuck me harder. He got the gist pressing his lips to my ear and letting his short hot breaths ring out.

“You want it?” He asked.

I nodded so hard my head spun.

“Tell me baby, tell Justin you want it.” He whispered running his tongue across my ear.

My body nearly exploded and I looked him dead in his eyes and told him I needed to have it. 

Then he looked down at my body bit his lip and grabbed a hold of my boobs.

“You want it, you got it.”

He slammed into me so quickly the breath left my body in a gush of wind. He started concentrating hard eyebrows pulled together as his dick smashed inside me like two cars colliding. It started to hurt and I closed my eyes and moaned because I didn’t care. The pain felt good, like the sounds of him taking one of my nipples into his mouth and biting down on it. I screamed out getting closer and closer but not close enough as he pushed it in one more time so hard I nearly fell off the bed. He came then pure hot liquid oozing out of the tip and inside of me. He groaned out my name and pulled out still hard somehow and looking down at me. Just when I thought he was going to leave me hangin he spoke taking deep breaths to calm himself.

“Don’t worry baby I didn’t forget about you.” He gasped.

He leaned down picking my legs up again and sticking them into the air only to open them and spread them wider than ever. We’d discovered that I was abnormally flexibly so of course he liked to use that to his own personal gain. He started scooching then moving down lower and lower till his face met my pussy and he licked his dry lips. I looked up at the celling then down at him then up at the ceiling and back down at him. At first I just felt his warm, sweet breath tickling me then he dove in and my heart stopped. His tongue was soft and wet sliding inside and up to the top as he licked it. I moaned out his name so soft because I just didn’t think I had the energy to scream anymore . . . . I was wrong.

He held my thighs in his arms and glued his faced in between my legs. The only thing I could hear was him sucking and moaning inside of me. He slid a finger inside giving himself time to breathe and I thrashed around the bed. Then another finger then one more plus the thumb on my clit. I was so close and he knew it speeding up and throwing his finger in over and over again. He waited until the last second to complete pulling his fingers out and slam his tongue back into me as I moaned a growl into the sky and yanked on his hair with a deep passion.

Justin rolled off of me then lying by my side as I looked up at the ceiling thanking God for what had just happened to me. I think Tom was thanking him too.

“Did you like that?” He asked biting down on his lip.

I nodded shakily not having the strength to do much else. He moved closer wrapping an arm around my stomach and holding up a wet finger to my lips.

“Taste it.” He whispered.

I opened my mouth as he tucked a finger in at a time making me run my tongue over the surface till it was smooth and clean. Then I collapsed close to death from the way my heart was pounding. Justin chuckled and snuggled closer to me as something wet trickled from between my legs. Teenage sex was so not supposed to be this good.

* * *

“My next guest is starring in her new documentary premiering this Friday on MTV check it out.” Chelsea said.

They showed the same clip all over again and then I stepped out in front of the audience. I was wearing ripped up black leggings with shorts and a soft pink short sleeved cardigan. My heels were a wedged boot black as midnight and adorable if you ask me. I walked out smiling and waving a little soft wave as I hugged Chelsea and sat down.

“Hello there! You look so cute I like this little rocker thing you’re doing.” She said.

“Oh thanks I wanted to look good for the show so you know.” I shrugged.

“You have like really long legs though I love your body.” She enthused.

I blushed. “Well thanks.”

“So uh you were on the cover of People.” She smiled.

“Oh was I?” 

I hadn’t heard anything about it until she pulled up the cover of me and Justin standing on the mountain at our last date.

“Wow . . . that is really creepy.” I said.

Everyone laughed. 

“I thought he took you up there for sex there’s pillows and a blanket, candles I just didn’t see any lube so I was confused.” She said.

I was cracking up.

“No it was actually romantic nothing sleezy of that nature.” I smirked.

“How long can you two just go around acting like you’re not fucking each other? You’re engaged now the jig is up!” She squealed.

I looked down shaking my head and laughing.

“Until we’re fucking each other I suppose.” I shrugged.

“No penetration?” She scoffed.

I looked down again letting my face fall into my hands.

“You’re just doing this cause Justin won’t answer these questions.” 

“Then answer the damn question!” she pushed.

I tried to control the giggled. “I’m not going to get my ass kicked in the streets because you’re obsessed with getting me to screw him. How do you know I don’t want to wait?” 

“Because Justin is a horny little bastard!” she said.

The audience was having a field day and it was pretty funny but I couldn’t just admit it.

“So you want me to say last night Justin just grabbed me up and pounded the hell out of me?” I asked.

“Yes!” She screeched slapping her thigh. “That’s exactly what I want.”

“You’re gonna get me in so much trouble. Next topic!” I shook my head.

She sighed. “Fine . . . let me see the ring.” 

I giggled and slid my hand into hers so she could pick it up and look at it.

“How much did he spend on it?” She asked.

“Uh I think he just had it made for me . . . he said t—ten million.” I confessed.

She looked up at me and just shook her head.

“It’s beautiful. Can I at least get the latest news on the wedding?” She asked.

I smiled. “Anything for you Chelsea . . . uh I am actually going next week to Vera Wang next week she’s designing my dress so yea. And then uhm I’m having two dresses because she likes my body style and wants to do something completely different and out of the box and then I wanted my traditional dress because we’re trying to keep it you know a traditional wedding.” 

“Am I invited?” Was her next question.

“You see that’s what I wanted to ask. I really wanted you to come and you’re on the list but you scare me sometimes I thought you’d just be like what the fuck no.” I smirked.

“I’m not that mean okay?” she said.

“Well then you are and chewy and some of the people on the show because some of them just creep me out.” I said honestly.

She laughed. “Oh I like you. Well you can catch Sam on her documentary which we didn’t actually talk about on Friday on MTV Ladies and gentlemen Sam McCartney!”

Overall it was a fun interview and I didn’t expect some of my seven year old fans to be up at eleven o’clock at night watching Chelsea Lately so everything that happened I was cool with. After that I went straight to meetings. I’d packed my scheduled so I had no choice but to work. It limited my eating time and when Nick called off one day I was happy because it made me busier. You know I bet if I sat down and took two minutes to think I would’ve realize that besides the drugs I was doing exactly what Demi used to do. But me and Demi hadn’t seen each other in so long and I wanted to keep it that way. She would notice everything in seconds. I didn’t want that to happen because she of all people would tell Justin and kick my ass. And to be honest I wasn’t really looking forward to that.

*Justin’s point of view*

It was the most awkward phone call I think I ever had to make and if it weren’t for Jazzy and Jaxon being so damn cute I never would’ve made it. But no they just had to defend him and say how fun and cool he was. Sam said I’d acted like monster and I knew in all reality I kind of had but I still was not looking forward to the conversation.

“Hello?” 

“H—hey Nick it’s Justin.” I said hesitantly.

“Oh . . . Did I do something wrong again?” He asked.

“Nah bro I feel kind of bad for the way I blew up on you the other day. It just wasn’t necessarily and Jazzy and Jaxon loved you so . . .” 

“You really don’t have to.” He said.

“I know I want to. Just come to the house don’t make it bigger than it is.” I sighed.

“O—okay. I’m on my way.” 

It was going to be a horrible time if we let it considering everything that had happened but only if we—I—let it. I left the kids with my mom who was thankful to see them again and waited for him to come over. Sam was off doing Chelsea and meetings working herself too hard. She had her therapist once a week all of a sudden which made me nervous but she told me not to worry. So that of course left me worrying. She’d come to the studio with Jazzy and Jaxon and just looked like she had something on her mind but never wanted to tell me. And after that it was never brought up again. 

I had rehearsals for the performance on the Voice. Then she had all these interviews and magazines and stuff to do. She just used me for sex at the end of the night . . . which didn’t bother me which kind of bothered me. I missed her but we just had to role with the punches. So I just had to wait for her to come home where we were actually having a lot of fun. Our fight was just a thing of the pass and it wasn’t on either of the minds. If only the same could be said for me and Nick. He came over and we walked to the fiska Karma in silence. We drove in the same silence just heading for a small little restaurant. The radio filled the silence until my new single came on and they started to talk about me, Sam, and the wedding. I turned it off then.

By the time we finally got to the restaurant I had no idea how this conversation. We walked in sat down and he just started playing with the sugar. There were so many things on my mind, so many things I didn’t understand that he could shed insight on but I just didn’t know how to ask. So I took a deep breath and looked at him though he was ignoring my existence.

“You know . . . when you got drunk and almost KILLED my fiancé I didn’t exactly know what to do. It’s hard to explain how bad I wanted to kill you. I mean I contemplated ways of covering up your death and getting Sam a new assistant. The thing that bothered me the most is that you said you loved her and then getting drunk made you want to hurt her. People always say getting drunk makes you say things you really feel but keep inside when you’re sober. And it took me getting drunk myself to know that that just isn’t always the case. You really can say things and do things that you don’t mean. You’re not yourself especially after Sam told me about your family’s history with it. I’m sorry okay? Some people do deserve second chances and other then that night you haven’t done anything horrible. It’s just you know she’s my everything and people hurting her kills me because I’ve already seen her hurt too many times ya know?”

He looked up from the sugar and sighed nodding softly. I looked away for my next question.

“Are you in love with her?” 

I heard his breath get caught in his throat and I bit my lip hoping it wasn’t true.

He sighed again. “She’s too young for me.”

“That wasn’t really the question.” I said looking back at him.

“I . . . I love her. But I don’t know how I could be in love with her. I—I’m not trying to steal her away from you I know that she’s happy it just sometimes . . . sometimes I feel something more. She’s mature for her age and she gets me and she’s there for me. But there’s always been a part of me since we met that knew it’d be nothing more. That’s the god honest truth.”

I nodded softly as the food came and we kind of settled into a more natural rhythm. 

“Hey . . . do you think maybe that Sam’s been acting weird lately?” I asked. 

He looked at me for a second. “She didn’t relapse or something did she?”

“N—no,” I mumbled digging my fork into my plate. “I mean I don’t think so. I keep checking her arms for scars but I don’t see anything. She’s just acting weird.”

“Maybe she’s not cutting there anymore maybe it’s on another part of her body?” He suggested.

I shook my head. “No I already checked when we made love last night.”

He couched awkwardly and I felt a little bad.

“I—I’m sorry.” I muttered.

“No worries you just caught me off guard. I used to brag about my one night stands all the time.” He sighed looking like he was having a flash back.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Well . . . I got a call from my baby telling me I was going to be the new assistant for a woman who going to change the definition in our society. He told me the name asked if I’d ever heard of her. I said something like she’s the psycho that tried to commit suicide right? She’s only relevant for dating that Bieber kid.” He smiled remembering. “Then all of a sudden this sweet little voice comes through saying hi Nick guess what fuck you. She told my boss that I was perfect and I haven’t really gotten any since.”

I started choking on my drink.

“H—how long?”

“Uh . . . let’s see since like December so what about six months?” 

“Wow.” I gasped. “I mean . . . . wow.”

“I’m just too busy.” He shrugged. “There’ve been a couple girls but . . . nothing impressive.”

I couldn’t even imagine six months without making love to Sam. Maybe this guy wasn’t so bad after all. We had lunch and found we had a lot more in common than we thought. He even told me about his dad which seemed like such a touchy topic. But it was a good thing. I understood why he was the way he was. I imagine any guy would start drinking with that kind of childhood. I grew up with no money and not a lot of stuff period. This guy was loaded and treated like shit because nothing was ever good enough for his dad because of money. Nick had it way worse then I did.

We finished lunch and headed to the mall. I don’t think there was a time I saw Nick without a suite on. Apparently he’d thrown them all away to please his father. All the guy had were slacks and dress shirts. But as soon as we got in there he had a field day. We left with six bags completely for him and I leaned even more about him. His dad gave him the money because he didn’t want him coming back home. And as much as he hated taking the money he hated living with his dad so much more.

At the end of the day he still felt bad for hurting Sam. And not to mention he loved her, he really cared about her happiness. Whether or not he was in love with was irrelevant because I already had her. She loved him too. It was the only way she could forgive him for doing what he did. I could never hate something that she loved.

We went back to the house eventually. Jazzy and Jaxon were coming with me to rehearsals for the voice. Nick was off to go buy a non-fat splenda sweetened coffee thing for Sam. When she made the switch I don’t know. I asked him to give her a note. It was cute than a text or just saying it outloud, middle schoolish you could say. Hopefully it made her smile and let know I wasn’t gonna be one of those husbands that sits on the couch with a beer and doesn’t give a fuck about her. She was my everything.

“I guess I’ll see you what Friday then?” I asked.

“Oh right the documentary premiere. Yea. Don’t worry I’ll keep an eye on her see if anything is up.” He said.

“Thanks bro.” I sighed.

We did one of the many complex and intricate handshakes I knew and he headed off leaving me to go be Mr. Professional.

*Sam’s point of view*

We had a meeting with Pencils of Promise and the designers of my clothing line. I asked Scooter about give back with each article of clothing and he said it was perfect. I was meeting his brother for the first time who from what I’d heard was every bit as amazing as Scooter. Nick was late, like late, late. I was run down and exhausted not having slept for the second day in a run and not a morsel of food in my system. Being the business Sam that smiled and expressed her ideas; her vision was of the up most importance and it took a lot of work. So I needed my damn coffee.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” He started yelling as soon as the elevator doors opened.

His hair was messy, tie wet where coffee had splashed upon it. Nick handed me the cup and sat down next to me sighing as we waited for Scooter who’d been stalling his brother from coming up.

“I know you asked for the morning off but this meeting is really important to me.” I sighed.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He apologized for the umpteenth time. “I was with Justin and . . .”

“Justin who?” I cut him off.

“Justin Bieber? Didn’t I tell you that?”

“No you more certainly did not! Are you hurt?” I asked flustered.

He chuckled. “I’m fine, we actually had a heart to heart. We went to the mall, I even bought a shirt that doesn’t button up you just pull it over your head.”

I couldn’t help but smile. So you’re good now? Justin like that??

He nodded. “He must’ve done it for you. I was a little hesitant when he called but . . . I think it’s okay. Oh but he wanted me to give you this.”

He reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of lined paper. I took a sip of my coffee and burned my tongue unfolding the paper and starting to read:

Dear Sex Kitten.

I’m writing this supper slow so you can read my hand writing so you better love it ;) Scooter thinks I’m reading work emails right now. I know I’m such a rebel. I have a feeling you look absolutely stunning right now. I could be wrong . . . but considering your perfect that’s highly doubtful. Remember all the emails we used to send each other? I miss that we should do it again. Whether you’re busy being perfect or I’m busy trying to keep up with your perfection let’s just find a way to let each other know we’re on each other’s mind okay? Well I mean I hope I’m on your mind. I know your legs gotta be all tired cause you’ve been running through my mind all day baby. Cheesy huh? 

I love you so much Sam. It’s hard to come to terms with my feelings sometimes because you just mean so much to me. When I’m with you . . . I feel powerful, limitless, free. You give me strength that I didn’t know I had and I’ll always be thankful for the life I have with you. I could say you don’t treat me differently than everybody else but you do. You treat me like a man. A man you love and cherish enough to be honest and kind to(most of the time). You don’t take my bullshit, you keep me in line. And I can never figure you out. I know you more than anyone but you always leave me guessing what comes next with you. You take care of me but at the same time you depend on me to provide for, and love, and take care of you. You’ve just made me a man baby.

I wonder sometimes what life would be like if I never came to you. I would’ve broken up with Selena, moved onto other girls that the fans would hate. But none of them would be you. So basically it would be your fault that I’d die alone. You’re my world Samantha. You leave me breathless. When I looked at you the world seems to become a better place. You never have to change baby. All I want is you are. I love you and everything about you. You’re smile, you’re ass—I’m sorry but it’s a compliment trust me—your hugs, your kisses, that thing you do when you stick your tongue out and bit it. I know you don’t believe me when I say you’re flawless but that’s the only world that comes close to describe you. I have to go dance to Boyfriend now at rehearsals. Ironic isn’t it how my first single is Boyfriend but we’re engaged? Haha. I’ll think of you when I’m singing . . . the way I did when I wrote it. Just know there’s never been a love song that I didn’t write about you. Once again honey I love you. Believe it. You. Are. Everything.

Love your Canadian dream <3
P.S you’re beautiful baby.

I was crying. Tears were leaking like water fresh from a sink and polling down my face just looking at that letter. I’d never felt so loved in my entire life. Maybe it was just the fact that he took the time to sit down and write out. Maybe it was the words that got to me. Maybe it was the fact that I’d lost another eight pounds and still didn’t feel good about myself, but his letter made my heart throb with affection. My tongue hung out of my mouth as I bit it just like he said it. Justin was just . . . . flawless.

“Uhm Sam this is my brother Adam. Are you okay?” Scooter interrupted.

I bit my lip and trying to put on a smile despite my trembling chin.

“I—I am just fine uh . . . just let me put this away and . . .”

Scooter snatched the paper out of my hand like a teacher in class. He probably thought it was something to hurt my feelings not build them up and make them stronger.

“He was supposed to be doing those damn emails.” Scooter complained.

Adam laughed. “Justin isn’t it?”

“Who else?” Scooter rolled his eyes.

I smiled a little bit and rushed out of my chair to go greet Adam. I wore a pencil skirt that I borrowed from someone because my dresses weren’t fitting right. The shirt with the skirt was ruffly and white and I wore heels just to be professional. Although I went in to shake hands he pulled me into a hug. Scooter had done the same thing when I first met him and so did their dad. It made me smile.

“Let’s sit down and we’ll just talk a little bit are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine really let’s talk.” I smiled.

We all moved to sit at the big long table and I tried to smile taking a sip of my coffee.

“So Sam tell me what exactly it is you want to do with the organization.” Adam said.

“Well . . . Justin and Scooter taught me a lot about it. I’d been really wanting to give back since it’s such a dominant part of the family. It just seemed like there’s no point in making money if you don’t remember what you were without it. I think that giving money to something like you’re organization is so important because we can give money to places that don’t even have a base for schools they have nothing and this is creating an entire place for education. Without education we’re nothing and as someone who graduated early and got to go to college because of the resources available I want to help with that or bring it to the attention of my fans so that they can have the opportunity to help. Not everyone feels like they can go out and change the world but by doing this they will be. And . . . that’s it.” I smiled. 

Adam nodded and smiled. “Wow . . . I think Bieber’s got some competition here Scott.”

“Oh I said the same thing first time I met her.” Scooter smirked.

I blushed. 

“Well despite the fact that you’ve become like a part of our family I really came in to put myself away from that and just listen to it from a business point of view and you completely sold it. I love it I wanna move forward make you a spokesperson it’s gonna be perfect.” He smiled.

“Wow really?” I gasped.

“Absolutely welcome to the team.” He said.

We shook hands and I squealed in delight excited to be a part of something.

“You gotta let us take you out to dinner so we can talk about the paperwork together.” Scooter said.

I stopped cold. “Actually I—I can’t.” 

“Why not?” He asked.

I scratched my head. “I gotta go work out.”

“Oh come one you’ve worked out everyday for like the past three weeks. Take a break you could use some meet on your bones.” He said.

I looked down biting my lip. “No . . . just let me go.”

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m fine I just . . .” I moved around stuffing papers into my folders and sniffling.

Then all of a sudden I felt something wet drip from my nose. I looked down and saw the dark red drop of blood on the table. Oh God.

“Uhhh I gotta go!” I screeched holding onto my nose and running for the bathroom.

My name was called but I didn’t answer running until I busted into the bathroom. Blood trickled from my nostril as I rushed to cut the flow. That’d never happened to me before. I tilted my head back stuffing it with toilet paper and stumbling around the room light-headed. A knock sounded on the door and I sighed not even having the strength to walk to the door.

“C—come in.” I said hoarsely.

Nick came in softly looking at me for a second as I tried to smile.

“Sam what’s going on with you?” He asked.

“I don’t know I mean I was light-headed. You left me this morning so I didn’t chance to eat anything I was just light headed I don’t know why i’m bleeding though I promise.” I sighed.

The things about people with disorders? It takes over you . . .you become a different person until that becomes a disorder in itself. Multiple personalites tie together, lies melt in with other lies, and at the end of the day if you don’t stop it it will consume you. We are manipulative and we will say ANYTHING to get you off our problems and onto other things.

He bought it.

“you probably just need some food in your system. I can’t as a work associate or as a friend let you work out today . . . even Scooter said so.” He said.

“that’s fine I don’t want to.” I mumbled.

I’d workout later.

“Come on.” He sighed wrapping an arm around me.

I put a hand against his chest. “Hey . . . Please don’t tell Justin. He just you know he’ll go crazy and he’ll never let me out of his sight. I need you to promise me that I’m okay I am.”

He looked at me for a second before sighing and nodding.

“Okay, okay. Let’s go eat alright?”

I smiled. “Alright.”

* * *

I went home around ten reflecting on what had happened during dinner. No one noticed the fries being mashed together and shoved into a napkin. No one noticed me get a box to go just to sneak off to the bathroom and throw it off. It was perfect. I smiled to myself happy with what I’d done. Justin was coming home early from the studio so we could spend one last night with the kids before Jeremy came to get them. It would be a lot easier to hide them with gone but it didn’t make it hurt any less to have them going. I picked up dessert for them and headed home. 

My nose was all cleaned up and Nick had promised not to tell Justin about it. I wasn’t planning on looking into why it had started bleeding but maybe I’d google it. Getting out of the car I stumbled and clasped my hand to my head and woosy. Maybe I should eat something and just work it off later. Walking up to the house I could hear screams and yells. And I smiled opening the door to three big babies.

“GET HER!” Justin screeched.

There were cans of silly string and Jazzy, Jaxon and Justin were covered in it. Justin was shirtless in sweatpants and a sheet tied around his neck as a cape. He looked so cute it took my breath away. They were in the middle of tag-teaming Jazzy . . . until they saw me.

“No wait get her!” Justin directed.

They charged after me and I screeched as Justin picked me up and let Jaxon and Jazzy spray me all over the place. I giggled and yelled trying to move away from the spray but it was nice to have such an interesting welcome home. We all plopped down on the couch panting hard and laughing.

“And to think I brought you losers dessert.” I snickered.

“Come here.” Justin laughed taking my face in his hands and kissing my lips.

“Mmmm” I sighed. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He said softly.

We all headed upstairs for me to get changed and Jazzy and Jaxon to jump our bed waiting for us. I slide my dress off and took off my heels sliding on a sweatshirt and a tank top. Justin came up and wrapped his arms around me from behind kissing my neck and sighed.

“Hmm . . .” He said.

“What?” I asked softly.

He started poking my stomach.

“Your ribs . . . I can feel them all of a sudden.” He said oddly.

I faked a laugh. “That’s abs baby.”

He chuckled. “How much weight have you lost anyway?”

I could feel his eyes on me moving slowly over my body. Justin was just too hard to fool.

“I don’t know like seven pounds.” I shrugged.

I lied I’d lost twenty five.

“Okay . . . come on let’s play with the kids.” He said softly.

The rest of the night he watched me. He didn’t think I’d notice but he watched me good. I made dessert for the kids and ate it because he watched so closely and I needed to sugar. He checked the trashcan after I left the kitchen probably for thrown away food. The kids fell asleep way to early for comfort and we took them to bed. I couldn’t even carry Jazzy because my arms were too weak. I blamed it on the workouts but Justin looked at me weirdly. He just had to know something. We walked back to our room holding hands and staying silent me leaning my head on his shoulder more from being so tired then trying to be cute.

“Sam.” He whispered.

“Yea baby?” I asked softly.

He pulled me into our room and I fell to the bed droopy eyed.

“What’s going on with you?” He asked.

I bit my lip. “I want you.”

I went to kiss him trying to get his mind off of things. He sighed and pulled away.

“N—no Sam.” He whispered. “Be real with me.”

“I’m just in workmode baby. I have a lot of things to do. And when I get home I just want to be with you.” I batted my eyelashes looking up at him.

I ran my fingers up and down his arm trying so hard to get him away from the topic.

“You just seem so . . . different but like old different. The way you used to be.” He said softly.

I knew what he was getting at.

“You think I’m cutting again.” I guessed.

He didn’t say anything just looking down. I reached to pull my shirt off and he looked up at me.

“Baby what are you doing?” He sighed.

“You’ve already checked my wrists multiple times. I’m letting you check the rest of my body.” I said.

He nodded softly as I pulled the remainder of my clothes away.

*Justin’s point of view*

There were no cuts anywhere. I checked everything and everywhere. No scars. No lines. Nothing. I instantly felt horrible for doing that to her but she was biting her lip looking at me like I was a piece of meat. I reached to kiss her just to let her know I was sorry and she pulled me closer pressing her body to mine. She attacked me with her lips and it was kind of a turn off. She knew I didn’t like she threw herself at me. That’s not attractive on any girl. Yet she did it anyway. Her arms wouldn’t stop touching me or groping me or anything of that nature. She was trying to distract me like I wasn’t smart enough to know what was going on.

Somewhere in there though I heard a sound come from her throat. A snore. Looking down she was asleep. Who just gets that exhausted? But I didn’t argue picking her up and pulling her under the covers. I watched her for a while. She looked . . . smaller. Her cheeks were less full. Her ribs were indeed beginning to stick through her stomach. And her neck/ chest had the bones poking through. What was going on with her? What was it that she wouldn’t tell me? I prayed that night for the truth to come out and that whatever it was that we just got through it and moved on. I was pretty tired from the rehearsals and running around all day so I crawled under the covers and slid my arms around her not too thrills with house easy it was to hold her. She was getting to be too skinny to be honest.

But no matter what I looked at that girl and I kissed her sleeping lips whispering I love you and pulling her deep in my arms as the lights went off and I felt into a restless sleep beside her.

*Sam’s point of view*

Four in the morning: My alarm rang loud and deafening. I looked up snapping it off and groaning at the effort. My head her. My stomach was growling. And Justin was holding onto me like a teddy bear. I slid out of bed yawning to start my daily routine. I had to work out really early so Justin wouldn’t know and I could fit in two work outs a day. I worked hard pushing myself till sweat dripped everywhere. The sun came up and birds started chirping before I’d finished. It was too much and I had to go crash immediately afterward but there was one thing left to do. Weigh in.

I walked inside the bathroom stepping past Justin and into the bathroom. I pulled off the sweaty sweatshirt, the sweatpants, the shorts, the underwear, the bra, the multiple t-shirts. It all fell to the floor till nothing was left but me and that God forsaken scale. I stepped on it closing my eyes and biting my lip. The beep came and I’d never wanted to refuse to look at something so much in my life. My heart was racing, palms sweaty and a deep ache in my heart for perfection as I looked down at the number. 113.2 pounds. 122.5 to 113.2 is . . . 9. 3 pounds which was even more then I told Justin I’d lost all together. 

Looking in the mirror I still wasn’t happy. My boobs were getting smaller and my waist tinnier but none of it made me feel any better. It just made me think of ways to lose more weight. Justin started to stir in the other room so I grabbed a robe and plopped into bed turning over on my side to watch him sleep. He’s said to be real with him, tell him the truth. 

The truth was that I was unhappy. That my heart was telling me I wasn’t good enough. I hadn’t taken a Cymbalta in a week. I hated myself. And it was absolutely not even remotely his fault. I was tired. I was hungry. I was sad and depressed and I was doing absolutely nothing to help it. The love of my life, the reason for my existence was sitting there in front of me snoring softly probably dreaming of cars and pussy or whatever it is guys dream of. I wondered then how bad it would hurt him to wake him up and tell him the truth. The very idea of it made me sicker to my stomach then any lack of food ever had.

I leaned forward pressing my lips to his ear and sighing.

“I’m starving myself.” I whispered.

He rolled over with a groan too deep in sleep to have any idea someone was talking to him. I slide under the covers and wrapped myself around him. Justin would never know the truth. And I intended on keep it that way.

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