The Locket Of Hair

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  • Publiceret: 25 aug. 2013
  • Opdateret: 25 aug. 2013
  • Status: Igang


8. TLOH 67

A Bieber Love Story

The Locket of Hair part 67:

Going Home

*Sam’s point of view*

“Nick! Nick what’s going on?! Where’s Jazzy is she okay?!” 

I was pacing around the street biting my finger scared out of mind.

“She just she just . . . I don’t know what happened!” He cried.

“Take her to the hospital I’m coming home right now!” I said.

“Wait no! I forgot to tell you something!” He yelled.

I stopped. “What?”

I heard the phone move around then a whisper before it came:

“You got P—punk’d!” Jazzy laughed.

I pulled away to look at me phone not believing it was real, that Nick could be so crule. What the fuck? 

“Jazzy put Nick on the phone.” I said biting my lip.

He came out laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry we couldn’t resist!” 

I shook my head. “That wasn’t fucking funny! I almost told Justin and guess who would have gotten their ass kicked had he thought his little sister was hurt?” 

The laughing stopped.

I sighed. “I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry I didn’t mean all that. You scared me you prick.”

He chuckled a little. “I’m sorry too. She’s fine I’m taking them out for icecream later it’s early though they just woke up.”

“Okay just keep me updated on what’s actually happening from now on.” I smiled.

“I think I can do that.” He said.

I shook my head. “Bye Nick.”

“Bye Sam.”

I closed my phone and shook my head heading over the restaurant. Looking through the window Justin was sitting down with the crew and leaning his head back laughing. His hair was gelled back again today and it looked perfect. He shook his head laughing as they waited for the pizza. After the Tribeca film festival we still had to stay in New York for me to do my thing so he was just relaxing before he went back to beast mode or whatever. I smiled at his outfit with the black skinny jeans and my sweatshirt that I bought him. He looked cute with those earrings that I loved and supras. I watched for a second as he wiped his face with the back of his hand after drinking. He was too adorable and I just wanted to be next to him.

“Hey there beautiful everything okay?” He asked.

I’d walked inside and straight over to him where he pulled me up into his lap.

“Yea everything’s fine. You look really cute today.” I said in my little girl voice playing with his sweatshirt.

He bit his lip and looked up at me. “You look beautiful baby girl.”

I blushed and looked down smirking. 

“You hungry? The pizza here is sick.” He exclaimed.

“Nah I’m not hungry.” I said leaning my head on his shoulder.

He frowned at me. “Why not?”

I shrugged. “Just not hungry.” 

He looked over at everyone at the table just now getting to their pizza.

“Baby I’d like it if you ate something.” He whispered.

I looked over at everyone and didn’t want to cause a scene.

“O—okay I’ll go.” I said softly.

“You want me to come with you?” He asked.

I shook my head getting off his lap but he came anyway wrapping his arms around me as I looked up at the menu.

“Can I just have a water and uh a slice of a cheese?” I asked.

Justin insisted on paying and carrying my trey for me like we were back in highschool. I bit my lip as we sat down and started eating. Everybody started eating and messing around while I just focused on eating. I used a fork and knife to cut it into little pieces and move them around the plate. My legs were crossed one ankle bobbing over the other as I watched everyone else in conversation. The pizza looked good but I didn’t eat it just continued moving pieces around and around the plate.

“We gotta do that again.” Alfredo sighed.

“Absolutely bro it was the best time ever.” Justin said. “Babe what did you think?”

I looked up from my plate. “Uh yea I can’t wait.”

“Okay.” He murmured kissing my cheek.

I know he didn’t notice me not eating. He didn’t notice the night before when everything he fed me was spit into a napkin. Scooter didn’t notice me moving the lasagna around my plate and not even finishing two bites. It’d been three days since I’d eaten the mcflurry in London with Justin. That was it. The best part was knowing no one knew but it was also the worst part. I think everyone with a disorder wants to be found out. When you cut and a friend finds out yea you beg them don’t tell anyone but inside you’re praying they do. I was exhausted, run down and there was nothing in my body to keep me going. I tried taking a piece of the pizza but looking at it made me sick to my stomach. I stared at the plate the rest of the time.

*Justin’s point of view*

Lunch was good. The crew was all laughs and Scooter was in a good mood too. I got Sam some pizza even though I thought one slice wasn’t a lot she ate the whole thing. It was good to be next to her and holding her. She was smiling at me and snuggled up to me in the car. I wrapped my arms around her waist kissing her cheek and down her neck. Her giggled ruptured from her throat and I smiled. She was always so perfect.

“You happy now?” I asked.

She nodded and looked up at me. “Yea really happy.”

“Good.” I smiled pulling her close and leaning her head on my shoulder.

We headed to the studio for Fallon and I tried to spend some time with just her on the ride. She was quiet during lunch and I wanted it to be better this time. She was silent as we drove looking out at the window as I held her. I picked up her hand playing with her ring finger until she looked up at me. We stared at each other for a second just looking into one another’s eyes.

I smiled. “I love you so much.”

Her face went from okay to ecstatic in two seconds. She smiled so genuine and happy like she wanted to sing. She let me reach my hand up to cradle her face and blushed looking at my thumb and kissing it.

“I love you too baby.” She whispered.

I bit my lip. “I have a present for you at the hotel. I was gonna wait until we got home but I want to give it to you tonight. Is that okay?”

She nodded softly that smile on her lips.

“Good. Do you need us to be in the audience again or wait backstage?” I asked.

“You can whatever you want.” She shrugged. “Just hold me for now.”

I nodded pulling her closer and running my fingers down her thighs. She pulled my hand away and smiled putting it back in my lap.

“You okay?” I asked.

She looked up at me. “You ask too many questions babe. I’m fine let’s just ride.”

I knew I was asking too many questions so I just did what she asked and held my baby in my arms.

We got to Fallon and she was excited this time around. The fans outside had great energy and she sat with them for a while pulling her hair into a pony-tail and borrowing a cigarette from someone. I shook my head but let her do her thing watching her smile and hug people. I signed things too glad to see the fans that liked me and Sam and didn’t hate on one or the other. She still had on her dress from Kelly and they made her take it saying it was a gift. She rocked the converse and the bracelets just looking to cute for comfort but still having this thing where she looked like she could kick your ass. I kept my arm around her happy that she happy and we headed inside to see one of the craziest people I’d ever met. Jimmy Fallon.

He came in and hugged me and Sam being really loud and excited the way he always was. He told her he was excited to have her on the show and everything was just gonna be chill and funny. She didn’t say a word the rest of the time just sat down and drank her water. She’d finish was cup and ask for another and another until she was about to go on and there was five empty cups in her dressing room. I didn’t really think anything of it. It was just water.

*Sam’s point of view*

“My next guest has a documentary coming out on MTV next week. She’s eighteen years old and already on her way to being well known for helping people also being the spokesperson for the Trevor Project. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Sam McCartney!” 

The band started up before the curtain opened. Of course they played Bieber. And of course I smiled my ass as I walked up the little side stage and hugged Jimmy before heading to my seat and smiling at everyone.

“Hi!” I said shyly.

“Hey it’s uh really nice to have you here I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.” He said.

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s a little weird but okay.”

Everyone laughed.

“I just meant you’re everywhere right now would you agree?”

I smiled. “I was just kidding but yea I guess. I’ve been around ya know.” 

“Now you know I saw the video of you performing and it seems like you’re a dancer too?” 

I shook my head automatically. “I can learn chorography and that’s about it. And I’ve only done it twice. I can white girl dance though.”

Jimmy laughed at me. “What exactly is white girl dance?”

“It’s like the white girl interpretation of how people actually dance so it’s like . . .”

I stood up and pulled my dress down. “So let’s pretend there like a guy behind me. You just like pop your ass all over the place.”

So I’m standing there in like a squat position just popping my ass and making people laugh then I sat down before I could embarrass myself any further. And Jimmy was just laughing too much.

“Well thank you for the demonstration did Justin teach you how to dance?” He asked.

“Oh yea he bought a stripper pole and a dance instructor and was just like get to work. No but we don’t dance a lot.” I shrugged.

“Have you ever been on the set of his music video or something.” He asked.

“I went to the boyfriend music video shoot and it was . . . the worst experience I think ever.” I said calmy.

This story was so funny . . . in my mind anyway and if they didn’t think it was funny boo the fuck hoo.

Fallon laughed. “What why?”

“Well this one is like his you know coming of age music video so it’s like automatically we must have whores in the music video. Not to be mean I’m sure there nice girls but it’d be like five minutes straight of him sucking on girl then he had a love interest and then all this other stuff and I’m just sitting in the corner just . . . just pissed off. But I’m a bitter bitch so its whatever.” I sighed.

“Well what happened at the shoot?” He was still trying not to laugh.

“I just sat in the corner and then he come over and try and pick me up and set me on his lap but he knows when he’s mad. So every two seconds it’s like ‘babe come here’ and I’m like ’go to one of your whores’. I knew that I had nothing to be jealous of but at the moment it’s just like go away I hate you.” I looked down laughing and shaking my head. “It all ended when he was just like ‘I know you’re crazy and that’s okay but I don’t want any ass but yours.’ Romantic huh?”

The audience laughed again and I smiled settling into my natural rhythm.

“Now you’re also known for your rapping skills.” Jimmy said.

I nodded a little. “You sure know a lot about me bro.”

He chuckled then of course they had video of me doing Nicki Minaj at my birthday so it was verse “dedicated” to Justin talking about my dick game. I was so embarrassed I just looked down laughing and blushing.

“At least you didn’t write it.” He said sympathetically.

I shook my head. “I turned eighteen I didn’t plan on doing it it was Justin . . . again.”

“You sure like to blame things on Justin. But I want to do a Nicki verse to because this video got twenty million views and I was thinking if we did it together we would get even more.” 

I laughed. “So you want me to do all the work while you adlib and then just post that?” 

“See you’re getting the hang of it!” 

We sat in a chair together in front of his computer and did stupid hoe which if you watch Jimmy fallon saying you a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe and don’t die of laughter you’re not a human being. We didn’t really talk about the documentary at all which I’d been told usually happened on his show so I didn’t fret too much over. We played a game that I didn’t even understand but he was so competitive I had to kick his ass. It was something with a hockey stick so it wasn’t too difficult. In the end I won and he shook his head saying I cheated before thanking me for coming on the show.

I went backstage and Justin was waiting hugging me and telling me I was funny and cute and every other synonym he could come up with for the words. It felt good to hold him though and kiss him. His lips were warm and soft wrapping around mine with such certainty that it drove me crazy. He wrapped his arms around my waist and we headed to go meet Usher. I was smiling and laughing the entire ride there. He held my hand and started to look at my tattoos as we drove causing us to toon out everyone else.

“They did a really good job on them though they look dope.” Justin murmured. 

I smiled. “I know it hurt like hell though.”

He looked up at me. “At least you’re not hurting inside anymore.”

“Y—yea.” I mumbled looking back down at the tattoos.

“Are you gonna get more?” He asked. 

I nodded softly. “I’m getting the one Demi has on my neck for our dates and that’s really all I need.”

“No tattoos of my name or anything?” He smirked.

I laughed. “No those are so corny baby.”

“So I can’t get your name on my chest or something?” He asked.

“Absolutely not. Why don’t you save that for like our first kid if we have one?” I suggested.

“Oh we will have one. But can I get another tattoo?” 

I looked at him like he was crazy. And for a second I thought he was.

“No. We’ll see . . . but no.”

He just laughed and wrapped an arm around me for the rest of the ride. I felt woozy, a little light headed but I planned on having a diet coke to give me a little bit of energy. The calendar said it was four days of not eating. I didn’t know how much weight I wanted to lose but just enough to look good in my wedding dress. I thought I could lose some pounds and then start to work out. Justin asked me what I was thinking about when the car stopped and looked up to ask him an honest question.

“Do I look like I’ve lost any weight?” I asked softly.


I bit my tongue. “I just started to workout when you left . . . just wondering if it was working.” 

He looked down at my body and the self-consciousness settled in.

“Well I wasn’t gonna say anything but,” he reached around to mess with the back of my dress. “I think this dress is a size too small.”

I gasped. “Is it?” 

He nodded and looked at me worriedly. Justin paid too much attention to my body. I had to have something to throw him out

“The class I went to it’s called a cycling class they said you would lose one size your first class cause your body won’t be used to it and it’ll just drop off but I didn’t really believe it.” 

“Oh . . . well okay I guess.” He nodded.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and let him stroke my hair softly.

“I love you so much.” I whispered kissing his neck.

“I love you too baby always.” He promised.

But he’d love me even more when I looked perfect.

*Justin’s point of view*

“Usher!” I screeched. 

“What’s up bro!” 

We did our handshake and hugged it out before he moved to Sam hugging her tight as we down.

“It’s nice to see you two.” He smiled.

“You killed it last night bro that was amazing.” I said.

He popped his collar being cheesy as usual and I shook my head. Sam was sitting in the corner smiling but not saying anything as usual. It was hard to get her to open up but Usher started working on it.

“You hungry Sam?” He asked.

She kept her head in the menu. “I . . . don’t really like when people asked me that.”

He looked at me and I just shook my head.

“I apologize . . . You can get whatever you want though it’s on me.” He smiled.

I moved forward to whisper in her ear. “Can you please be nice, he’s trying.” 

She sighed and stuck her face deeper in the menu. The waitress came around to get our food order and I wrapped my arm around Sam trying to be nicer and she leaned her head on my shoulder.

“I’ll have the ten ounce steak and a baked potato is fine.” I said.

“I’ll have the same.” Usher smiled.

“What about you baby?” I looked down at her.

“I’ll just have the soup.” She said softly. “Chicken noodle.”

“Okay.” The waitress said with a smile writing it down and taking the menus.

“Sam that’s not enough food.” I whispered.

She turned up at me and smiled kissing my jaw. “Baby yes it is. I really want some soup not to mention all the bread and stuff.” 

I nodded softly and kissed her squeezing her tight against me so she knew I loved her.

She really tried after that joining in the conversation with me and Usher. He said he really liked how strong she was; how she kept me on my toes because it was good for me. As if I didn’t always talk very highly of her I felt the need for him of all people to know that Sam was a thousand and fifty percent perfect. I had one arm wrapped around her shoulders and another in her lap holding her hand as she blushed and hid her face in my chest. 

“What’s up next for you two though?” He asked.

She smiled looking up at me as I answered. 

“She got Scooter to give me two weeks off which I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this way. We’re gonna go back to Canada visit family. I’m trying to convince her to get a house down there to invite people over and stuff. She wants to sit down with the lawyer and shit before we do anything.” I rolled my eyes.

She sighed. “Justin you know how importance it is that we pace ourselves. Even Scooter said it’s about making sure those kids that don’t exist yet will be taken care of. It’s about being wealthy not rich.”

“I know I’m not letting it get to me I just want to have a place we can stay instead of racking up bills in hotels.” I murmured.

“And as long as it’s a good idea I have no problem with that. You know I just want you to be happy.” She smiled.

“I’m happy with you baby.” I promised.

She blushed and looked down and usher and I laughed.

When the food came around everyone was in high spirits and I was happy to see Sam so happy. Usher told her about himself and she listened intently to everything he had to say. They talked about the business Sam had kind of started for herself and how impressed he was with it. My baby was always biased to her greatness but he saw it just as much as I did. He liked her . . . he really liked her and to prove he waited till she went to the bathroom to tell me about her.

“She’s perfect for you.” He said as soon as she left.

I smiled after her happy with his approval. “I know.”

“She’s so different then that last girl you dated though uh what was it Selena?” He asked.

I laughed. “She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met no offence bro.”

“None taken. Now you know I have to ask that you’re being safe though. Scooter told me some of the things y’all been doing that I know you know better than Justin.”

I shook my head and looked down. 

“It’s hard. Sometimes I just really want her but we’re always in situation where our privacy gets interrupted and it sure as hell is Scooter nine times out of ten. I know he means well and stuff but it’s just frustrating. She got her tubes tied a while back after some stuff happened and protection is important to both of us. I know the stuff you told me when I started growing up but . . . it’s different with her bro. You said it’d be tempting sometimes but with her it’s not temptation. I have to have her. Sometimes I don’t even get what’s wrong with me.” I shrugged.

He laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with you Justin you’re in love. It’s not like you’re throwing her down out of nowhere. Love it’s . . . powerful and as long as you respect each other and you’re being safe I really think it’s okay.” 

I looked up. “When you say throw her down you mean . . .?” 

“Oh Justin.” He sighed shaking his head.

“I only did it once and it was her fault for wearing short shorts.” I muttered. 

“But do you get the actual point? She’s special to you take care of her son.” He explained.

I nodded. “I will bro, I will.”

Sam came back after that and smiled kissing me and asking what we were talking about.

“Nothing. Y—you want to split some dessert?” I asked.

She took a deep breath. “Uh sure why not. Nothing too much though okay?” 

I guess she was taking this cycling class seriously.

“Alright baby.” I said kissing her cheek.

*Sam’s point of view*

“You want to watch a movie or something before bed? I know we gotta get up early for the plane though.” Justin murmured.

We’d gotten back from the restaurant and he had his arms wrapped around me from behind.

“Sounds good. C—can I take a shower first? I just need a little second by myself clean up.” I smiled.

He kissed my neck. “Okay baby don’t be too long.”

I headed for the bathroom relieved to be alone and not have to smile anymore. Justin was out there talking to Alfredo from the sounds of it as I turned the hot water on. Standing in front of the mirror the planes of my face were filled with sadness. It wasn’t pretending with Justin, he made me so happy I smiled at the thought. But it was there standing in the mirror after pulling off my dress and the bra and the underwear that the depression settled in. My Cymbalta was out but I hadn’t refilled it and didn’t really plan on refilling it anytime soon. It was hard to even look in the mirror without crying and by the time I got inside the shower it was impossible.

I sat on the floor wrapping my arms around my naked body and letting the water soak me from head to toe. The tears mixed in with water and I just tried to keep quiet. My hair stuck to my shoulders and I moved it out the way to look at my arms. Scars pale and slightly red lit up the skin from months and months ago. I still didn’t cut and looking at the tattoo on each wrist gave me a sense of pride. Everything felt like it was crashing down in that moment. I sat on the shower floor till the hot water ran out and I got out freezing and trembling. Grabbing a towel I wrapped it around myself and had to look at my damn reflection for half an hour while I blow dried my hair. 

“Baby?” Justin called knocking on the door.

“Uhhh just a second!” 

I moved to wipe at my face and cussed in my head about the red eyes. 

“Hey why’d you lock the door?” He asked stepping inside.

I smiled. “Sorry I didn’t even realize it was locked to be honest.”

He stepped closer running his hands up and down my bare arms and looking at my face.

“Have you been crying?” Justin asked incredulous.

I looked over at the mirror to see the wet red eyes.

“I got soap in my eye Justin it burned like hell and I cried a little baby calm down.” I breathed.

He looked at me for a second and reached down to kiss my eye making me giggle.

“Okay just come out of here already you’ve been gone for an hour. I miss you.” He smirked.

I smiled. “I’m coming now.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my shoulder as we headed for our bedroom. Justin sat down on the bed as I moved into the closet to change alone. I slid on a one and black striped sweater and sweatpants before pulling my hair into a pony-tail and walking out to Justin. He watched me for a second laying down in bed with his hands resting on his stomach. His eyes lit up staring at me that way. And for a second, a minute, a glorious part of time I felt beautiful. I had my arms behind my back blushing.

“Do I look okay baby?” I asked softly.

He bit his lip. “You’re gorgeous . . . come here.”

I walked over slowly trying to sit down next to him. He pulled me into his lap like I was a doll and slid his hands onto my waist.

“What?” I blushed looking down as he kept looking at me.

He slid his hand onto my cheek and made me look at him.

“You’re just really beautiful baby . . . I just wanted to say that.” He shrugged.

Did he know? Was it obvious? A part of me wanted him to know. A part of me remembered how good it felt to get help the last time. I wanted him to look me in the eye and say I know you’re not eating and I just want to be there for you. He stared into my eyes knowing something was off but not being able to find what it was. I smiled for him still happy when he said things he did and pulled him into a hug. His body was hard and warm cradling me in his arms.

“Everything okay?” He whispered.

“Perfect.” I lied softly.

We turned the lights of and put a movie in me sliding under the covers and turning over to watch it. Justin slid in after me wrapping his arms around me and running his fingers over my stomach. I slid my hand ontop of his and moved it from underneath my shirt.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“N—nothing just . . . don’t please?” 

“Okay.” He said softly.

We didn’t really talk much because I just felt so exhausted already. I rolled over into his arms done with being so far away and hid my face in his chest. I fell asleep the same way I did every night with my legs wrapped around his back and my head stuck under his chin.

*Justin’s point of view*

She fell asleep before the movie had even been on for half an hour. Her snores came out soft and deep in a way I’d never heard before. I held her though not pay any attention to it once so ever. Have you ever gotten the feeling that someone just won’t tell you something when they really, really want to? It sucked because she was still herself, still funny and sweet and sexy but every now and then I noticed something . . . off. 

Even the next morning she slept in until the very time we had to leave. She was too tired to eat breakfast and she was a zombie on the way out the hotel. We drove to the airport she slept there; we got on the plane she went right back to sleep. She was so exhausted that it didn’t make any sense. I was stuck watching her sleep in confusion. If it weren’t for the snoring I would’ve thought she was dead or something. Sam never moved she just stayed asleep in the seat.

“Scooter you notice anything different about Sam lately?” I asked.

He looked over at her. “No, not really. She acts the same with me. She look like she lost a little weight though.”

“Hmmm . . . am I just being stupid?” I sighed.

“You’re probably just over exaggerating because it’s Sam. She’s fine.” He assured me.

I nodded. “Okay.”

We landed in LA soon after that and I was ready to go home and relax. Sam woke up and I moved back over to her just to check one thing to make sure she was okay.

“Hey sleepy head.” I murmured.

“Hi.” She smiled stretching.

“We’re almost home so I can give you that present. You fell asleep last night before I could show you.” I said.

“I have a surprise for you at home too.” She smirked.

I picked her arms up and started to kiss her fingers tips.

“Really what’s that?” I asked peering down at her wrists.

No cuts. I sighed a sigh of relief.

“It’s a surprise baby. Just wait you’re gonna be super duper happy I promise.” 

She moved into my lap and leaned her head on my chest staying there until we landed.

We had to rent a car to get home and everyone was going off in different directions. Alfredo to see Demi. Scooter on more business because he never stopped. Kenny to celebrate his birthday with people who were actually legal. And then there was us going home like an old married couple. I held her hand and she smile and blushed at me every two seconds. I really felt like I was over exaggerating her being tired so I turned the lovey dovy on high and took her to mcDonalds on the way home. She ordered an actual meal this time which made me happy and then we headed straight home. I took her hand intertwining our fingers and holding the food as we walked to the door.

“You ready for the surprise?” She asked.

I nodded with a smile. “Lay it on me baby.”

She unlocked the door and smirked as I walked inside and gasped.

Jazzy and Jaxon were standing in the living room holding hands. They screamed out and ran to me as I dropped the food and picked them up. I hadn’t seem my brother and sister in forever and it felt good to see them smiling. Jazzy was beautiful smiling at me and calling me Bieber and my little bro Jaxon was just as swagged out as could be. Having them in my arms in that second was the bed gift anyone could give me. And I was so caught up in those perfect kids it took me a minute to notice the other person in the room.

“Who watched them while we were gone?” I asked smiling at them.

“Well I did for a couple days while you were gone. Then I had to come down so . . .”

“I watched them.”

I was still smiling at Jazzy when I turned to see where the voice had come from. The smile dropped from my face automatically.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

Sam moved into the space between me and Nick as I put Jazzy and Jaxon down.

“Justin he kept me updated on them every two seconds. They had so much fun I could tell. I didn’t know who else to go to.” She said softly.

“How about someone who didn’t try to rape you and break your ribs?!” I yelled.

She sighed. “Baby that was a mistake.”

“Don’t baby me you knew how I would feel about this! These kids are everything to me how dare you even think this was okay!” 

“I—I did it for you. All of this was for you.” She whispered.

I shook my head. “Sam risk your life because you think he’s a good guy okay I can take care of you but we were overseas! If something went wrong I couldn’t even get over here fast enough to beat the shit out of him!”

She looked down. “Please don’t yell at me and you can’t just cuss in front of them.”

I was sickened at the thought of Nick anywhere near my sister or brother. It wasn’t okay and even if it came from a good place Sam shouldn’t have done it. Being home just didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. 

“Jazzy I want you to go help Jaxon get your backpacks okay? We’re gonna go for a little ride.” I smiled at her.

She nodded softly and took Jaxon’s hand going off to do what I said.

“Justin this really isn’t necessary.” Nick murmured.

I pointed my finger at him. “I want you out. Now. Get your shit and get out of my house.”

“Justin.” Sam whispered.

I picked up Jazzy and Jaxon and left slamming the door on the way.

The kids waited while I took the car seats out of Sam’s car and put them in the range rover cause it was safer. Jaxon gave me a hug not realizing what was going on and I sighed and kissed his head. Jazzy just wasn’t that simple. She hopped up into her booster seat with her backpack and looked up at me as I was about to close the door.

“Jwustin?” She whispered.

I smiled. “Yea?”

“Don’t be mad. Nwick and Carty didn’t mean it.” She begged.

I sighed and looked down before kissing her hair.

“It’s okay honey alright? Let’s go get some ice-cream or something.”

She got excited them clapping as I smiled and closed her door. Looking back at the house I thought about going back. But I just got in the car and drove away.

*Sam’s point of view*

“Nick I’m so sorry!” I cried as soon as Justin left.

“No it’s okay I expected worse to be honest.” He said softly.

I shook my head not understanding what had just went down.

“Sam I should go.”

He went through picking up his stuff and just heading for the door. I reached up to hug him feeling bad that he’d just watched two kids for days and was getting kicked out of the house.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “Thank you for watching them.”

“No problem. Let me know how things go.” He said softly.

Then he left without a word leaving me to face the lonely emptiness of the house. I knew that when Justin needed to calm down it would be a while before he came back. So . . . I went running. I grabbed a sweatshirt even though it was seventy five in California and slid on shorts as much as it pained me to do it before heading outside to run off the steam. It took me a minute to get used to it. Then I started to gain speed and momentum till I couldn’t see anything anymore. It was just my legs one foot moving surely in front of the other over and over again. I was passing buildings, bushes, cars, shops, but couldn’t place them I was only focused on the running.

There was a burning in my chest as the lack of oxygen settled in but I ignored it pushing myself further. Sweat dripped down my body pooling up in the sweatshirt as I kept running, kept pushing. Minutes passed, songs passed. Then more minutes passed, albums passed. I never stopped just ran. But when I had to stop it was because my legs buckled. I’d fallen onto the pavement gasping against the grown until I threw up. I didn’t even realize I’d pushed myself into the next city. Looking around I realized also that people were staring. When you push yourself too hard it’s called exercise induced nausea. Looking at the spot where I’d just thrown up it was watery and grey with pink swirls. I felt exhausted like I wanted to go into hibernation.

“Mam are you okay?” 

There were people coming up noticing that this chick had just collapsed out of nowhere and vomited all over the place.

“I’m . . . fine . . . just tired.” I couched.

I got up looking down at my legs and feeling them throb. It was time to go home. My phone started vibrating then I reached into my sweatshirt pocket to feel all the sweat that had collected in the fabric.

“H—hello?” I breathed.

“Where are you? I was gone for like two hours and we’re here and your cars here.” Justin’s voice rang.

“I just . . . . went for a walk. C—can you come get me?” I asked.

He sighed. “Where are you?”

I looked around. “Uh . . . Santa Monica near a uhm McDonalds.”

“Santa Moncia? Samantha how the hell did you walk to Santa Monica?” 

I suddenly felt tired, very tired. “Just come get me please.” 

“Alright, alright we’re on our way.”

I hung up the phone and walked over to the McDonalds looking out at all the people eating. There were French fries and cookies and ice-creams and everyone seemed happy or at least miserable in an American sense. My stomach rumbled as day four of starvation was coming to a close. I knew I had to eat something eventually. I was just hoping it wasn’t soon. But as I started to get closer and closer to a seat the restaurant just seemed to get farther and farther away. It was like I could run all I wanted but it would never get and closer. Then all of a sudden I seemed to be falling. Not down on the ground but into a hole. A deep black hole where nothing could get to me. I had no choice but to let the black engulf me and I didn’t really know if it was such a bad thing.

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