Brutal

What am I? This is the question I've been asking myself, all my life. No one will answer me, because of the fear. The fear they carry whenever I am in their presence. They do not speak. They do not look. They do not come near.
They reject. I guess I can understand them. The monster I've become is dangerous, but they do not see that I have changed. Why would they?
...............
The only thing I know, and have always known for sure is this: I am Brutal.

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2. The Beginning.

 

Everything starts with a beginning right? Nothing could start without a beginning, nothing would be worth doing if it weren't for the middle, and you wouldn't be able to finish it off with an end. Every step is vital, as it will not work without the other parts. A journey of a thousand miles, must begin with a single step. This is what I intend to do, as my journey has officially begun. This is the happiest I have ever felt in a year.

 

...

 

The reason that I do what I do can be summed up in a word. 

 

Knowledge. This is what I want, need and crave. My brain is filled with an erudite force, which I cannot control. I can never get enough, which is probably because I have never had any knowledge of my surroundings before.

But that will end soon. I have waited a whole year, and in that time I have realized something about myself, that I didn’t know to begin with. I am angry. I have lived in the Forest all my life, but my heart belongs to the City. I don’t particularly like it there, but the need for answers, overcomes the need for my natural habitat.

 

The green glow of the Forest lays behind me, much to my pleasure. I love the feeling of exiting the home I am forced to live in, and entering the world I am exiled from. A rush of adrenaline flows through my veins, letting me run faster and more determined than ever. 

The sight and smell of grain is all my eyes can see. I am surrounded by huge stalks of wheat, in which I am easily hidden. I pound my way through them, since it is vital at this stage, that I am not revealed. Technically nothing is allowed from my District, into the others, but they let me. I still take great care of not being found while I am in the Fields. Why they don’t patrol the borders better, is not something I know. But I will soon. I have to.

Only one hundred humans live in this District. There are three different areas; Forest, Field and the City. The Forest is the only borderline they have made a barrier between – something that disturbs me. If they need wood, why would they cut off the only place they can get it?  The barrier is placed roughly a half a mile into the Forest. Sure, they cut down their trees there, but the healthiest and biggest trees are placed in the heart of my beloved home.  Each time they get near the barrier, I wince as I hear a part of my habitat being chopped down. I love the Forest – don’t get me wrong. But  when you are in captivity all your life, even the smallest flickers of freedom, become very attractive. I enjoy the time I spend in there, with all the other animals, but I know that there is something more out here, that I need to know about. It’s like a constant reminder in my ears, all year round, telling me exactly how many days until autumn arrives. I can’t help but think of my escape throughout the year.

 

No citizen from the City would venture all the way out here, let alone to the Forest. I don't even think they know what it looks like. It’s sad they don’t know what great adventures are buried in the depths of the greenery, and have to spend all of their time in a place where all the buildings are gray. Their lives have no room for nature – which is something that I do despise of the human race. They do not appreciate the real gift of life, if they don’t see what the outdoors are like – which is the foundation of their living.

I only know this from my previous visits. The small amount of information I have been able to extract is not very helpful in this case. It has nothing to do with me.

 

I reminisce back to the first time I stepped out of the forest. I had no idea why my body was carrying me in the direction it was, or how I knew the barrier would be broken that ime of year. It was simply...instinct. My eyes gorged themselves hungrily as the sight of fields upon fields filled my vision. The new smells were magical - I had never experienced anything like it. Tentatively I stepped over the barrier, and felt a jolt through my body. For the first time in my life, I had felt free. And that is exactly how I feel right now.

I think I was only a fawn when that happened, and my antlers were no bigger than a small twig.  

 

If you haven't guessed already, I can tell you now that I am a deer. Well, a stag would be the right term. In human years I am about sixteen years old, and in my species age counting I am approximately four. Deer live for about ten years, as their teeth get worn down with age. Sadly, they do not stay strong forever, so when the ability to eat fades away, the deer slowly dies.

 

I shudder as I think of this. That will probably be the cause of my own death. I am beleaguered to say that I have seen many of these tragedies in my short life – something I wish wasn’t true. My heart goes out to them, and a little part of me loses hope, as I stumble upon these dead family members.

 

The Field District is huge - it grows all the food that supplies the city. It takes two days, just to get through it, and it always wastes my precious time. I hate it. I'm sorry I cannot explain more, as my knowledge of this is limited, but I will try to tell you as much as I know. Just from sight, I believe the farmers have their different criterias. Fruits are in one part, vegetables in another. Sheep, goats, horses, chickens and cows are in a different section. On my left I can see something big, bulky and gray. I can only assume it is rock, something I have never seen much of, as the Forest lacks it, but in some very dry places, you could stumble upon a few boulders. I have no idea what the humans could use rock for. I can’t think of anything more useless than that. Well, they probably have their reasons. 

To finish it off, the grain grows everywhere. I think they have to cut some of it down, just to get room for other agricultural purposes.

Every time I pass through here, I always try to get a glimpse into the lives of this place. Humans fascinate me, but they clearly don't feel likewise. Their attitude is horrible, but the way they live is incredible. It’s so complex that I cannot wrap my mind around it. I have only seen parts of it, but I know how developed creatures they are. Sometimes they take it for granted and they become pathetic creatures that can’t live without a companion by their side.

I myself, have had plenty companions in my short life-span. I have traveled far out in the country, with a doe accompanying me. I can see the comfort in it, but being so codependent, seriously seems like an unnatural way of living.

 

I have now run for over a day. I normally stay close to the barrier before it breaks down, so I will not tire myself out, getting just there. My real challenge is getting through the Fields, without falling down from exhaustion. I have eaten as much as I saw fit; enough to keep me going, but not too much to make me sick, as I run as far as my legs can muster.

 

 

Night is near. The sky has darkened in the last few minutes, which it does rapidly at this time of year. The moonlight shines down on the Fields, casting an eerie glow upon this lonely place. I am almost three quarters of the way, and I have seen about fifty houses.  In a way I like that this place is very unpopulated, and untouched. But on the other hand, it is so huge, that more people should live there. Right?

 

My mind races back to a time I was living right beside the barrier. I had heard a very loud noise, reoccurring, like a horn being blown off. The sound surprised me, and jolted me awake. Frightened I squinted to see as far as my sight would let me, and saw ten big vehicles racing across the Fields. There are no roads, other than dirt paths trampled by the many feet of the workers out here. Curious, I looked closer, now knowing what to focus on. They were way bigger than anything I had ever seen before, monstrous actually. Hoisted on to the back part of them, were many bundles of wheat. This was before my first trip to the City, and only a month before.

 

After a couple of years, the puzzle suddenly clicked. I realized after recurring nights and days of studying them, that they were transporting all the meat, grain and all the grown goods out here. I saw more of them – every night, at the same time. The biggest amount I have ever seen at once, were about seventeen. The drivers made daily trips to the Fields, and after about five human years, their vehicles grew larger and larger, until they could bear an exorbitant amount of things to sell.

 

Overhead I can see many bats circling above me. I silently thank them, as they are the reason there are less mosquitoes in the world. The wheat is growing greener as I fight my through it, and I know that it is another type of food. Corn, was it? Once, I got dangerously close to a couple of farmers, right about here, and overheard them talking about the year’s crops. Since my yearly trips began, I have learned many new words, humans use in their daily communication.

 

In the distance I can see the dim lights of the City, and suddenly everything is brighter. Even though it is night, the humans never sleep, as far as I can tell. Idiots.

This new sight sends a burst of energy through my body as I tiredly make my way through the green stalks. They’re just as tall as the tip of my antlers, which gives me a great disguise.

 

I know I still have a far way to go, but just that silhouette placed at the end of the horizon, is enough hope to get me through the night.

My body aches with agony, but if I stop I will feel worse than I do when I’m running. I snort loudly, just to blow off some steam. I can’t even explain how tired I am. The feeling of the cool wind is the only comfort I take in this journey, at this moment.  Ideally I would love to lay down and sleep, but the thought of wasting my precious time, keeps me wide awake.

 

So I do the only thing I can do.

 

I keep running. 

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