Embrace - blurb
Resumé This is the blurb to the first book in the paranormal romance series i am currently writing! I am half way through the second book already haha :D
Hope you like the sound of it xx
Embrace - blurb
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Kommentarer (91)
Adam GilrayDifferent from others at Sea View College, Eliza works closely with the clandestine CIA. Her mission is to terminate vampires with extreme prejudice. Though sworn enemies, one vampire demands to protect her from her terrifying nemesis. Wary of the danger, she enrolls at Craven Hill, a school for the gifted. Despite best endeavors for her protection, Eliza is constantly under mortal threat. Can her new friends protect her, or must she take take extreme measures to survive?
Adam GilrayKnock out the duplicated take in last sentence, my typing sucks.
dropdeadjodieexxreal good :D!Adam GilraySounds about right, wanna chuck some likes and faves my way?dropdeadjodieexxHehe, and yeah! Why not? You've helped me! <3Adam GilrayGo for it, life's a series of trades!dropdeadjodieexxindeed!!- Adam GilrayIt's an interesting concept, but I think you do need to lay it on the line and publish something of what you are trying to sell, if only a few paragraphs or set-pieces, just to give a flavour of what you have to offer.
You won't be giving anything away, and if you have published the blurb here to get some feedback, you need to go further. Your concerns are understandable, but nobody is going to clone your ideas from a few paras, and I assume you wanna showcase your writing credentials and what makes you unique?
Just a few ideas...
The blurb needs to be short, crisp, and condense the key ideas into a few memorable words that evoke the imagery and plot. Yours is too long and ambiguous. Grab the scalpel and get rid off anything that doesn't sell the story to your prospective reader.dropdeadjodieexxHey, I agree, the whole conversation between me and Veritas is about the same thing.
This is what I came up with:
Eliza knows she’s different from the other girls at Sea View College. She has been working with the top secret CIA, hunting vampires and bringing back their fangs. Even though vampires are sworn enemies of hers, one of them insists on protecting her from a dark and evil entity.
Realising the inevitable danger, she is sent to Craven Hill, a city for the gifted but despite the efforts made to keep her safe, Eliza is constantly pushed into the arms of danger. Will her new friends be enough to protect her or will she be forced to take drastic measures to stay alive?Adam GilrayHere's another spin;
Different from the others at Sea View College, Eliza works with the clandestine CIA.
Her mission is to terminate vampires with extreme prejudice.
Though sworn enemies, one vampire demands to protect her from her fiercest nemesis.
Fearful of the danger, she's enrolled at Craven Hill, city for the gifted, but, despite the best endeavours for her protection, Eliza is constantly in danger.
Can her new friends save her, or will she need to betray every friendship to stay alive?dropdeadjodieexxWow that's amazing!
Two things: at the beginning she doesn't know who her nemesis, but this vampire who is demanding to protect her knows who the nemesis is (soon Eliza will meet the nemesis).
In the book she doesn't betray any friends (spoiler) she becomes immortal :D
but other than that I love it!!!
...do I have your permission to use it? Obviously I will tweek it a little (to do with the points I just made)
VeritasI think Adam here have solved your the problem which I could not. His version is really strong and just what I was trying to say hehe :DdropdeadjodieexxAwh wicked :D!Adam GilrayYay, you can use and abuse me.dropdeadjodieexxhaha okayy >.< I'll tweak it a little and show you what I get!Adam GilrayCool, look forward to it.dropdeadjodieexxOkay so here it is!
Different from the others at Sea View College, Eliza works with the clandestine CIA. Her mission is to terminate vampires with extreme prejudice. Though sworn enemies, one vampire demands to protect her from her fiercest nemesis. Fearful of the danger, she's enrolled at Craven Hill Boarding School, a school for the gifted, but, despite the best endeavors for her protection, Eliza is constantly in danger. Will her new friends be enough to protect her or will she be forced to take drastic measures to stay alive?Adam GilrayThat's great - we need to work on the conjunction of 'fiercest nemesis. Fearful of the danger...', as the words are too alike - my error as I did it on separate lines. Maybe 'wary of the danger' or 'conscious of the danger'?
We've also got danger in there twice, so it could read 'Eliza is constantly under threat' or even 'mortal threat'.
Maybe change drastic measures to extreme measures?dropdeadjodieexxokiedokie!<3dropdeadjodieexxthere we go! :DAdam GilrayDid a rejig and buggered it up by putting it in the wrong place. 
VeritasBTW Have you read Marina Oliver's book 'The beginner's guide to Writing a novel'? I found that book great as it tells you about basic preparations before writing, how to write and how not to write (quite irrelevant for you though) but also it has several chapters dealing with getting your first novel published, how to get an agent and so on. I thinks it's worth reading anyway :)dropdeadjodieexxThank you but no I haven't. But I have read Teach Yourself: Writing a Novel haha!
What parts do you think I should cut out of the blurb? Any suggestions? And how can I make it flow without the parts that I've axed- VeritasI bet the real book is way more catchy than this blurb Jodie! The first sentence is good: "Eliza knows she's different from the other girls at sea view college." - OK, so what's so different about her we ask. Good. Then the rambling starts: " Working with CIA, Hunting vampire,s bring back their fangs, She meets alex, she needs protection, she's sent to craven hill, and so on and so forth. The effect of this is that I, the reader, looses interest word for word because you're practically answering every question that arose in my head from the first sentence. I put the book back in the shelf because I have already read most of the book from the blurb. All along the reader has the question in his or her head: "Should I buy this book?" If you tell them all the key plots on the blurb why should they.
Now, I haven't read the story but here's my attempt on writing a blurb:
Eliza knows she's different from the other girls at sea view college. She's hunting vampires for the CIA. Even though vampires are sworn enemies of hers, one of them insists on protecting her from a dark and evil entity, lurking in the shadows. An evil more frightening to the vampires than Eliza. Eliza will soon be facing all her fears and be forced to make tough decisions in the battle against the ultimate evil.....
Short and precise, raises questions without answering them and doesn't ramble on. You are free to agree/disagree but this is my opinion. And of course I want this blurb to make a best seller, which is why I go hard on you :PdropdeadjodieexxWell hello there, I see what you mean but I like the dramatic sentences I've used and the fact that I've mentioned the stone and Brandon. I can't strip it all out, otherwise it will sound boring. I agree because I hate writing blurbs, you won't believe me if I told you that I have edited this blurb over 50 times. I find it difficult to cut down blurbs. The blurb for my second book in this series is a lot better than this one. It goes like this: The last three months haven’t exactly been easy for Eliza; her boyfriend has been sentenced for treason. And on top of that, Morley is getting stronger; he is hording psychotic vampires and has obtained a ‘secret weapon’ that is crippling Eliza little by little. The only person she can rely on is Sam. However Eliza is beginning to question whether their friendship is strong enough to endure what Morley has planned...
So you can see my dilemma, I don't know how to keep the blurb for the first book short and intriguing. I know the blurb is very long but how do I cut it down without cutting out my favourite bits? The blurb for the second book, in my eyes, is okay. I like it and it's short! So, I need your help cutting down this blurb. :DVeritasWell I square my shoulders and stand my ground; Your blurb is blabbery haha :P You need to kill you darlings and describe the content of the book more general and shallow. Like you have for the 2nd book which has a great blurb. It's short, precise and not giving all the good things away, but still creating curiosity. My example is looking a lot like the one you have for the 2nd book, I really think you should consider narrowing it down to something like that. The reader is poor in judgement don't give them the opportunity to judge your story on beforehand. Cut out the stuff that can be misjudged (the babbeling details part) and leave the reader with unanswered questions.dropdeadjodieexxOkay, I am forced to agree with you. Can you tell me which parts are blabbery and need to cut out because you're the reader, you know what's too much? :DVeritasI suggest that you place the marker at the first word in the blurb and then hold down the delete button :P I think you'll be able to write a better blurb if you start from scratch and then aim to describe you novel on a general term, creating intriguing questions for your reader to discover. A blurb must not give answers but raise questions.dropdeadjodieexxI am writing it now, do you think I should axe the part about Brandon and the stone? I like those parts.dropdeadjodieexxOkay so this is what I've come up with:
Eliza knows she’s different from the other girls at Sea View College. She has been working with the top secret CIA, hunting vampires and bringing back their fangs. Even though vampires are sworn enemies of hers, one of them insists on protecting her from a dark and evil entity.
Realising the inevitable danger, she is sent to Craven Hill, a city for the gifted but despite the efforts made to keep her safe, Eliza is constantly pushed into the arms of danger. Will her new friends be enough to protect her or will she be forced to take drastic measures to stay alive? 
EmmizzaWow!! Would love to read the real book!!! Sounds great!!:D
shangeeprincessWOW can't wait 2 read it as always:)<3
u can maybe add a bit of romance into it and describe the life she had before the CIA and then move on to wiv the CIA so we can see the massive impact the CIA had wiv her.dropdeadjodieexxthank you!! I have finished that one and half way through the second book haa!!<33
She has been in the CIA for the majority of her life because her gaudian Tom, is quite important on the CIA 'ladder' :D x
Inkpencil... ;)i just read your conversation with Erling. If you are looking to get published, you might want to check out some industry blogs which will give you more information. They tell you about getting an agent (which you never mentioned -- be careful, a lot of publishers won't take you seriously if you don't have an agent. Plus, you'd probably need an agent to handle all the complicated things like negotiating contracts and stuff.) They also give other information like stats for getting an agent, how long it takes to get published e.t.c and writing tips and stuff. Most bloggers are based in America but most of the process is the same. ;)dropdeadjodieexxHey, did you change your name from inkpen? HAHAHA inkpencil is better, more amusing :L
And thank you for commenting :) However, I have heard quite a lot that agents are not necessary. Would you care to look at this link? This is what I am going by: jackiefrench.com/firstnovel.html on there, it states not to bother with an agent unless already famous :) This is quoted from the site: ' Don't bother looking for an agent unless you are already famous or the Duchess of Windsor. Most agents only take work from those who have already been published. But if you know one socially- or you ARE the Duchess of Windsor or have any other reason why a publisher or agent will pick you up even though you haven't had anything published, go to it'.
So you can see my dilemma, I think I will continue to edit and then send off a letter and synopsis to the several publishers I have in mind. :)
Erling SiegfriedI've not checked the link. But based on what you said it says, I agree. Very few agents are interested in new others. Even less in young ones.
-ErlingdropdeadjodieexxIndeed, haha :)
Could you check out what I've written so far (one chapter haha!) of my new Movella?
Confessions of a Teenage Outcast.
I spent ages rereading it and editing it so finger-crossed it will be 'acceptable' haha :)Erling SiegfriedI did see your post on the forum, you know xD. Am having a look ;).
-ErlingdropdeadjodieexxI forgot I posted, sorry "/ and thank you xD
Inkpencil... ;)I did change my name! I notice this link is written by an Australian person, so perhaps they had different rules there (it is a much smaller industry, therefore less agents.) However, from the research I have done, talking to both aspiring writers and agents, getting an agent seems the best way to go. We probably are looking at different things. This is a quote from a leading British publisher: Submitting manuscripts
"Please note that Bloomsbury no longer accept unsolicited manuscripts and cannot return any material sent to us. Please visit the Writers' and Artists' website and the Writers’ and Artists’ blog to find out more about getting published and how to get an agent." This means they won't read if they haven't requested it from an agent. I know a lot of agencys here don't accept unsolicited manuscripts. This means that they have the request the manuscript after you've send in a cover letter e.t.c.... hope I've helped ;)Erling SiegfriedBasically, two opposite views. Good luck xD.
-ErlingdropdeadjodieexxWhy can't you both agree? It would make my life a little easier :)Erling SiegfriedBecause we are considering two different markets. Most world-class agents want authors who can be taken seriously and who show promise. Both of those things are highly important. Smaller agents should have no problem hiring an author they think has talent, regardless of the rest. But small agents are considered after big agents. So this rolls the author lower down the list. Of course, that is possibly the easier way to go, but likely, not the most effective.
-ErlingInkpencil... ;)Ahh, but writing is not easy. My advice = do some more research. Remember this is an Austrailian post: perhaps look at some industry blogs? I've been told that getting an agent is the best way to go, and I know most agents are always looking for new writers. If you research any of your favourite writers you'll see that most got an agent and THEN got a publisher. Check out this post from Nathan Bransford: http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2009/09/.. That gives info on agents. ;)Erling Siegfried"[Do] [...] more research" - good advice there ;).
-ErlingdropdeadjodieexxThat page you posted is blocked :/ and doesn't it cost to have an agent? I am nearly 16 after all, not the queen of Sheba haha :)Inkpencil... ;)That's odd.... Okay, go onto google, type in Nathan Bransford and you'll end up on his blog. If you scroll down, on the right there will be a search box. Type in "What do literary agents do?" and it'll come up as a link.
No respectable agent charges you -- they'll take 10 -15% of whatever you earn (but they're worth it.) If an agent says they're charging you, you know they are scam. There are a lot of people who prey on writers.dropdeadjodieexxHmmm...I don't know :/
I think it would be safer to do it solo :P.
Erling SiegfriedSounds good. Hope you don't get entangled in cliches based on Twilight, True Blood and Dracula etc ... ;).
-ErlingdropdeadjodieexxOh trust me, vampires are not my main focus... ;)dropdeadjodieexxOh trust me, vampires are not my main focus... ;)Erling SiegfriedOk, cool ;). Waiting for it.
-ErlingdropdeadjodieexxOh, I'm not uploading it ;) you'll have to wait until it's published haha! If it gets published...hopefully :D!Erling SiegfriedOh ok. Good ;). Can't wait to buy it in store :P.Erling SiegfriedI've done the same with most of my works :P.dropdeadjodieexxHow did you get your stuff published? + Thank you :DErling SiegfriedTrade secret. Just kidding ;). I sent my stuff to an editor of a magazine. She read it, approved it and published it ;).dropdeadjodieexxHow long did it take her to respond? I suppose it's a bit different when you're trying to publish a book :)Erling SiegfriedQuite a bit different. They will take quite a while to respond. And they will not take a 16 year old seriously from the start. It all depends which publisher you go to. Those meant for young authors expect teen work mainly. If you are writing mature work with higher style standards it will take longer. I cannot even begin to estimate how long.
My work (Short Philosophy article) took about a week to get approved. I wrote it back when I was a kid and although it was mature (stylistically and content-wise) there were some hints that leaked through, showing that I was quite young. Which in a way made it slightly easier to read. So I assume that's why it only took a week. I would say, that my latest articles would take twice as long. But again, they are not books. Feel free to add me on facebook (Erling Siegfried) if you wish to read any of it.
-ErlingdropdeadjodieexxI know, I have a few publishing houses in mind who publish specifically paranormal romance so i'll see how that goes haha. And i cant find you :/dropdeadjodieexxwhy dont you just upload them on here? ahaErling SiegfriedHave you read the Terms of Use ? xD - I have.dropdeadjodieexxnope haha
MiaFloraIts great check my only story someone please
EvangilinaLOVE the story you rock at writing. Keep it up! <'33dropdeadjodieexxahh thank you so much!!xx
Evangilina<'33
WheelybinRaelI have read the entire of this book she is writing, all I can say is you better buy it or I will hunt you down! This book is soo awesome and had me begging her to hurry up and send me the next chapter! I can't wait till she finishes the second book because it is full of exciting appearances and awesome detail and trust me! You won't want to put it down!dropdeadjodieexxOMFG!! YOU DONT BELIEVE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE LIKE THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD :D!! you can dress up like batman and throw tic-tacs at them :D xxxx
WheelybinRaelAlso if there was a love button, I would click it an infinite amount if times! Don't know if that make sense but oh well ^.^dropdeadjodieexxoh yes it does you Rael stalker!!!! xx look at my status on facebook you hoe!!xxxx
siakait really sounds good i hope ti comes out as a book i love books so i would be happy to read this book it sounds interesting ^-^
Beth-miss ordinary:)this sounds so good! is this what you sent into the publishers? It sounds really good, I'd love to have a read of the actual book!dropdeadjodieexxi havent sent it to the publishers yet because I havent finished editing the actual thing yet haha! No,this is a blurb, you dont send this in until they ask to read the first few chapter of your book (thats if the like the sound of your synopsis page!) And I would upload an extract or two but I am really conscious about copyright, you know what happens these days, everything gets leaked onto the internet blah...blah...blah...sorry hope you understand! Can I add you on facebook?xxxdropdeadjodieexxi havent sent it to the publishers yet because I havent finished editing the actual thing yet haha! No,this is a blurb, you dont send this in until they ask to read the first few chapter of your book (thats if the like the sound of your synopsis page!) And I would upload an extract or two but I am really conscious about copyright, you know what happens these days, everything gets leaked onto the internet blah...blah...blah...sorry hope you understand! Can I add you on facebook?xxx
Beth-miss ordinary:)Oh yeah I understand, Sure! what's your name? I'll add you! xxdropdeadjodieexxJODIE ANGELL , sorry had to write it in caps cas people alwats mispell my surname, it's angel with an extra L xxBeth-miss ordinary:)i can't find you :/ x
I'm Beth Raffell add me :)dropdeadjodieexxfound you and added you hehe!!xxBeth-miss ordinary:)haa I accepted :L xdropdeadjodieexxhaha :D! and i said heyiaa :') xx
Adam Gilray
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